Give Pastor Perry Noble Your Money… or You’re Stupid

Pastor Perry Noble of NewSpring Church in South Carolina tells his congregation that they’re stupid if they don’t give him (*ahem* I mean, God) money:

I love the half-hearted applause at the 2:30 mark.

Incidentally, this is the same pastor who ran a seminar last month on the five ways to overcome your financial struggles.

Guess what solution #1 was?

Of course it is.

He adds at the 2:24 mark: “The primary reason that God gives us money is worship.”

Food, shelter, health… all secondary to making Perry Noble richer.

This is also the same guy who once said, “Maybe there would be less homosexuality in the world today if there were less greedy Christians who actually cared enough to tithe and spread the gospel.”

(via Bad Preachers)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Cake

    “But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He
    always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise,
    somehow just can’t handle money!” – George Carlin

    • Travis Myers

      “It’s all bullshit, folks. It’s bullshit, and it’s bad for ya.”

    • Guest

      Evangelicals love butt stuff and oral stuff. I know I have dated a lot of evangelical women. They are hot all the time.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, TOWAN

    i’m annoyed by the whole trend of the ‘dress down pastor.’ i mean really. you want my money? put on a good show, with real costumes. and hats! and funny slippers. maybe a wig or head dress.

    these kids today, with their ‘casual’ religions. hmph. back in the day, our money bought us broadway grade costumes.

    • Sweetredtele

      “join the Catholics-same hate, better costumes!”

      • SeekerLancer

        Especially the super-blingy Ukrainian Catholics.

    • Jeff See

      At least when they wore a three piece suit, and rolled up in the Cadillac, you at least had some idea where your hard earned money went.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Wow. This dude needs some acting classes or…Or *something.* He’s so transparent.

    • Compuholic

      Obviously he is good enough to scam a lot of people. Otherwise he would be out of business pretty soon. Ok it might not be right to ascribe all the success to his “skills”. The stupidity of the believers probably plays a great role as well. There is a reason they are called sheep…

  • http://lady-die.deviantart.com/ LizzyJessie

    Then the Rabbi says “No, no, no! Listen, we’ll just throw the money way up in the air and whatever God wants, He keeps!”

  • OkieAtheist

    I so loathe and despise this total fear-based methodology…
    “There’s a reason your car keeps breaking down, there’s a reason you can’t keep your child out of the doctor’s office, there’s a reason you can’t keep a job. You’re trying to mock god.”
    Really?

    My car breaks down a few times a year, because it’s old, and I have to work on it myself buying after-market parts, but it runs! My child has to go to the doctor because she has acute asthma. The doctor keeps her healthy and educates me on how to manage the condition. I keep my job, because I work my ass off, and my broken down car gets me there.

    Fuck you, Perry Noble. I’ll keep my 10% to buy my daughter’s medicine and car parts. I’m doing just fine, asshole.

    • smrnda

      Yeah folks, and whatever you do, don’t listen to those evil economists who tell you that corporate America *might* have something to do with why so many people are struggling with money.

      • Agrajag

        Nah. That couldn’t be it.

        When the top 1% is reaping a bigger and bigger share of the total income, (and the total wealth), then the reason clearly is that they’re the ones working hard. 99% of Americans are getting lazier and lazier every year, thus they darn well *deserve* to get a smaller and smaller slice of the overall pie.

    • Hat Stealer

      “There’s a reason your car keeps breaking down, and it’s because God is running an extortion racket!”

      - Perry Noble, paraphrased.

      • Mark W.

        “Hey, you gots a real nice life going on there…be a shame if something were to happen too it.”
        GOD the Father.

    • Kevin_Of_Bangor

      …..

    • Thomas M Schnyder

      This pastor is a pious, arrogant, jerk his delusion runs very deep probably from childhood indoctrination.

    • http://www.last.fm/user/m6wg4bxw/ m6wg4bxw

      I wonder if poor vision is part of God taking the 10% it expects. I noticed the Noble pastor wearing glasses.

  • BrentSTL

    A message to Pastor Perry:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV9CJGGxDG0

  • gallandria

    My 16 month old daughter has a funny habit of “woofing” back when she hears dogs barking.

    I watched that video while putting her to sleep. I guess, to her, he sounded like a dog, because she quit nursing and started woofing. Tbh, I think dogs make more sense than this guy.

    • lmeridian

      That is adorable and hilarious.

  • FaithIsGlorifiedDelusion

    I’ll say this in Pig Latin: Istianitychrae isuae uckingfae ullshitbae!

    • Tor

      Would you please translate that into Pig-Greek for the New Testament scholars?

      • Jude

        IstianityChros isuos uckingfos ullshitbos.

        You’re elcomewos.

  • Sue Bee

    Perry Noble leads a straight-up CULT. His followers are insane. Say something bad about Perry Noble in public and they will threaten you with violence.

    • Michael Harrison

      Kind of makes me think of the Scientology episode of South Park.

    • Robyman4

      That’s probably all it is – a threat – but if I ever meet one who’s actually willing to take a swing at me, get the ambulance ready for them, they’re going to need serious medical help very fast and I won’t bother to place the emergency call. Then we can add “there’s a reason God didn’t protect you/you got your a$$ kicked by an atheist… well, a couple reasons… the other guy knows how to fight, and more importantly, YOU DIDN’T TITHE!!!” to his sermon.

    • Matt D

      It’s usually just a threat, as people who practice casual bullying are little more than talk. However, whether they are merely talking or actually contemplating violence, it’s still wise to learn self defense if you encounter this often. There’s nothing worse than letting zealots think their numbers mean they’ll never be challenged, and the whole world backs them.

  • jtperkin

    He has also been asking the richer people in the congregation for their tax forms so he can “help them determine” (i.e., shame and intimidate them) how much they should be tithing. When someone complained about it on FB, the cult descended in fury declaring that it never happened, even though the original poster put a copy of the letter from Perry online.

    • smrnda

      Don’t the Mormons do something like this? You have to show the bishop your forms to make sure you’re giving them the % of your gross?

      • Tobias Funke

        Nope!

  • fry

    Dear Mr Noble

    God is also very fond of burnt animals and slaughtered first-borns – can I send you some of them instead ?
    Yours sincerely
    Gullible Idiot

  • Rain

    What? Guilt-shaming to get free money? I hope it doesn’t start a trend or anything.

  • Alexander

    To be fair, he is saying you’re stupid if you think tithing doesn’t apply anymore because it was an Old Testament law.

    • Agrajag

      What is the algorithm for figuring out which parts of the old testament still applies? Let me guess ! Whatever parts of the OT suits the church-leadership, still applies. How do I score ?

  • Alexander

    I think the real story here is that he references God killing children in Exodus and says God will take the money if you don’t give it to him…and then cites this as the reason for why some people’s cars are breaking down, their kids keep getting sick, etc. He is basically saying God a thug, but I’m glad to see a Christian following the logical path that the Bible takes them down. The problem is that he doesn’t seem to think there is anything wrong with this. I’m still not sure what God would do with all this money….

  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    Cause he will take your shit if you don’t give it to him..

  • carpinions

    I always find these videos of preachers hammering the tithe because inevitably I’ll turn around and hear a conservative whine about how much in taxes they pay to the big bad guv-mint. Right as they show up on Sunday morning and give away all that tax money they don’t want to pay to an invisible sky dude who happens to be represented by a “shepherd” tending to his flock.

    How rich the irony that they don’t want to pay money to a flesh and blood organization they hate, so they’ll pay it so some dude can talk nonsense at them for 1-2 hours a week. I think the last time I heard the “a fool and his money” quip it came from a conservative…

  • Robster

    “While your at it people, I’ve got a bargain bridge in San Francisco, an opera house in Sydney and a nice tower in Paris, they’re all on sale now at a bargain price with ten percent deposit. You can trust me because I’m a preacher!”

    • kelemi

      What, you can’t sell the Brooklyn Bridge?

  • Robyman4

    Noble brings up some shockingly STUPID points. First of all, I’ve been an atheist for 15 years and I speak out against the Christian God online and in public anytime I want to. Some of my vocal opposition can most definitely be labeled “mocking.” Secondly, I don’t have children, but I almost never get sick or have to go to any clinic or hospital. In fact, the worst things that have happened to me in the last 6 years (in which I’ve had the same job) were one broken toe and the extremely rare week-long cold (I’m 37 and in awesome physical shape, no god needed at all for me to be super healthy). Lastly, my car never breaks down. So, there’s that.

  • FSM_Minister

    Perry is a real special guy! He likes to try and ruin the lives of those that disagree with him!
    Check out pajamapages.com, it is scary what he and his followers will do.
    I live in a town very near his “church”, it is scary how many people he has fooled into “following” him. Many of those that attend NewSpring (That is how the church spells their name) have the worst behaved kids you will ever meet! The kids are following closely in their parents footsteps; ill-mannered and anything other than “Christ-like”!
    What I found most offensive/particularly disturbing in that video is that this area has suffered job loses due to the actions of the Neocons and far right politicians. Yet, Perry wants to place the blame on those attending his “church” and their lack of tithing to him and his Sky Fairy!
    Yes, I am a QUIET Atheist in a VERY far right Christian area.

    • kelemi

      Will they drink Kool Ade if he tells them to?

      • FSM_Minister

        Nearly every one of them!
        Read pajamapages.com, you will see that Perry, the “Leadership, and many, many members are capable of things that border on illegal and are minimally immoral.

    • Lori F.

      As a former member of that “church” and a resident still in the area of that “church”, I would ask you to not make generalizations about the people who attend. It’s a huge church with lots of people, so to come off like everyone who goes there is like that is unfair. As an atheist now, it does blow my mind how easy it was to buy into things that he was saying. But I truly believe that some Christians tithe, follow church rules etc because they believe that’s what god wants of them, not only because a specific pastor tells them to. Also, to be fair, Newspring does lots of things in the community- such as sponsoring an entire elementary school in our poorest area and giving them all backpacks, school supplies and shoes, toy and food drives throughout the year, sponsoring families by paying their bills and buying houses, cars, eduction for poor members of the congregation. So yes, he is misguided, but like other churches, there is GOOD that goes on.

      • FSM_Minister

        Lori, I did not generalize, I was very specific that “many” of Noble’s followers are as I described; I did not state that all were, that would have been a generalization.
        You live/lived in Anderson?
        You know members from the Anderson site?
        I live in Anderson County. As I stated before, I have interacted with many members, have in-laws that attend NS, and dealt with the teens and children that have been at/in NS for many years. Too many of the kids I am talking about are very vocal about being members of NS. Many times they are indignant to others that do not attend NS and are too often guilty of being the biggest problem in situations that one would expect them to be well mannered and where certain behavior is expected regardless of who they are and where they got to church.
        Oh, Perry and some of the members are capable of putting on a “good show”. However, if one “crosses” or openly contradicts Perry, they are in for a very different experience!

        • Lori F.

          You are right, you did say many. I apologize. Yes, I actually live in Belton, work in Anderson and have attended both Newspring Greenvile and Anderson. I have met Newspringers who are indignant, I have met others who attend other Anderson churches who are indignant, and I have met atheists who are indignant. I guess what I’m saying is that Newspring, Perry, and non-believers can all come across as ridiculous and horrible depending on what side of the “believing” fence one is on. And while I no longer believe in what he teaches (not because of him, but because of the bible in general), I can still see how tithing, especially to a believer, is a way to honor god and further “his kingdom”. And Perry as a messenger/guide to help others honor god. But make no mistake, I don’t agree with him especially him making illness, joblessness and car maintenance issues a result of people not tithing. That’s absolutely ridiculous. But as a member of this community, I have seen him and his church do good things in Anderson with the money they do collect for the sky fairy.

  • kelemi

    Remove the word don’t from his sentence and you’d be accurate.

  • Conuly

    Yes, but what does God DO with all that money?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkT1-N0VqUc

  • Layla13

    You’d think God could make his own money, being the almighty powerful skywizard and all…

  • new_atheist

    I grew up in churches exactly like this, with pastors exactly like this; right down to the accent, the mannerisms, and the tempo. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard this sermon.

    This just brings back all those memories of when I was a believer and bought into this crap. Ugh.

  • Greg G.

    “The LOOORD deserves a Cadillac… and he wants me to drive it for him. So send me your money or the LOOORD will maim your children.”

    I remember something like that from a comedian about 20 years ago.

  • James Panzo

    He makes it sound more like the Godfather than God.

  • Michaela Samuels

    “You don’t want to play the Bible game with me on this subject.”

    So, just don’t ask any questions. Just go ahead and feel guilty for not giving me enough of your money.

  • http://javver.com/ JC

    He’s read his babble alright.

    babble n.
    1. Inarticulate or meaningless talk or sounds.
    2. Idle or foolish talk; chatter.
    3. A continuous low, murmuring sound, as of flowing water.

  • Tainda

    He creeps me out.

    Again, they can twist those bible words until they mean whatever THEY want them to mean. Fucking nutjobs

  • http://www.last.fm/user/m6wg4bxw/ m6wg4bxw

    This is confusing. If I give 10% of what I have to God, and then God blesses me, do I reject 10% of that blessing? Or should I accept it all, and then return the best 10%? But if God gave it to me, shouldn’t I accept it all? Maybe God should simplify this by blessing everyone 90%.

  • Gus

    First ten percent goes to God? Fine, I’ll do that. What’s his mailing address so I can send a check? Wait, you think you get to decide how his ten percent gets spent? Can you show me the Bible verse where he gives you that authority? Somehow it smells to me like you want me to give you ten percent. How about if I go out and I personally spend ten percent of my income on charitable causes that I think are in line with the best moral teachings of Jesus? That seems more like giving to god than giving to you does. Would that be OK?

    No?

    Hmmm.

    Can I give to the Catholic Church? The Lutheran Church? That Baptist Church down the street? How about I give ten percent to a different church every week, would that be OK?

    No?

    Hmmmm.

    • Gus

      Close your HTML tags next time.

    • Camorris

      How about if I go out and I personally spend ten percent of my income on charitable causes that I think are in line with the best moral teachings of Jesus?

      What a wonderful way to make your tithe actually do God’s work.

  • Bill Miller

    Hi, even when the Phil Collins haters will be enraged, listen to:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EprQGmZ3Imw
    Bye

  • Robin

    Control by fear, thats what they all do, control their people by fear. I have question, why does god need money from anyone, or their first born child, or anything at all ever? If he made the stuff in the first place and he needs something why the hell doesn’t he just make some more and keep it up in heaven with him? And even if we could give him something that we have that he doesn’t where the hell does he keep it? I don’t see no cupboards or closets or garages….THINK PEOPLE, good grief!!! SHEEP?

  • God-lessFulaniYiraX

    10% to god, but god don’t exist, so that voids tithing, smh & lol. Church will never get a got damn dime from me ever again! I don’t even see no mf church, pastor, or congregation. I left the church and have not looked back, #hmpf

  • squinney

    The biggest con in history is going on RIGHT NOW at every church in Merica

  • Brian

    You would think that in a recession, that God would drop his rates a bit.

  • QuestioningKat

    Actually, I believe the Bible states that you are to give 10% to God – not specifically a church. Don’t you just love how ministers get confused over this detail? Inspired by a park, donate money. Inspired by the ballet – well by golly, God is working them like puppets on a string, so go ahead and tithe 10% to them. Like an artist’s work, give em some $. Without God they are just empty machines. It must be God creating those masterpieces anyway. Heck, since God healed your loved one and not the doctor directly, go ahead and tithe your money towards medical research. Every good theist knows God is doing everything through other people don’t be fooled by giving to some man who doesn’t earn enough from his day job and begs for you to support him, give it to the God that actually does something.

  • Krista

    I did a Google search for Perry Noble and found this site. Let me say that first, I am a Christian and I do believe the Bible. But I also must say that this portion of teaching is something I’ve always struggled with. It makes no sense to me to tell people who have nothing that they should give the church their last dollars, which they need to survive and provide for their family on. I give when I can but when I can’t afford to, I don’t. And I really dislike it when preachers push that money agenda on their congregation. To me, it’s emotional manipulation and I don’t fall for it. I think you can give God and the world your time, your love, your kindness, your caring. To me, God is more concerned about our hearts and how we treat others and live our lives, than our money. I would like to think He’s bigger than that. He’s pretty self-sufficient, I’d say. This is why, though I am a “believer,” I have a hard time going to church regularly. You’d have to be blind not to see the level of manipulation at hand often times, especially with larger churches like Newspring. I can’t believe he called people in the congregation “stupid!” I would have marched right out of there. Thanks for letting me voice my opinion on here, even though I’m not an atheist.

  • Former Pastor

    I met Perry a few years back at a pastors conference and he was an asshole. He is a Ed Young Jr wantabe. Typical nerd with a stage.

  • Loving Christian

    If you people had any sense at all… you would stop and think about this and realize how rediculous all of you sound. If you were planning on building an Atheist establishment would it not cost money…. gah you you people are smart ill tell ya. Also if you did not spend all your time attacking The Lord and his children.. your life will change for the better. Im not saying you have to accept Christ … but hell everyone on here just sounds like they run around hating 24/7… use some of that stress to try and be nice and accept others and their opinion and you may find life isn’t so bad…because yall people sound miserable!!! God is Love

  • Marla

    All preachers preach on tithing. It is biblical, even Jesus said that it is good. How would it be possible to have church we way that we do, if we didn’t give? Newspring reaches thousands of people all over the world because we give.


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