Dixon, Illinois Now Home to a Church Shaped Like a Flaccid Penis

Perhaps because you can’t say Dixon without saying dick, the local Christian Scientists in Dixon, Illinois, decided to build a church in the shape of a cock and balls. The architectural drawings must have been hawt – and now, thanks to Google Earth, we can all enjoy the borderline X-rated view from above:

For more inadvertent merriment, I’m happy to report that the new church has a slogan to match: “Rising up.”

(via the Huffington Post)

About Terry Firma

Terry Firma, though born and Journalism-school-educated in Europe, has lived in the U.S. for the past 20-odd years. Stateside, his feature articles have been published in the New York Times, Reason, Rolling Stone, Playboy, and Wired. Terry is the founder and Main Mischief Maker of Moral Compass, a site that pokes fun at the delusional claim by people of faith that a belief in God equips them with superior moral standards.

  • Glasofruix

    A giant flaccid “BLACK” dick i might add :D

    • cryofly

      Brown…

      • The Other Weirdo

        Only for certain values of ‘brown’.

  • C.L. Honeycutt

    Oh come ON, Terry. Talk about low-hanging fruit.

    • flyb

      Low-hanging bollocks.

  • C.L. Honeycutt

    FIFY

    • flyb

      A pic from their FB page, fig leaf included:

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Oh my god this is the most awesome thing ever in the history.

        This cannot be actual modesty on their part. They’re having fun running with it now.

        • flyb

          Yeah, they do seem to have a sense of humor about it.

          • FTP_LTR

            I can’t help but wonder how long it took for anyone to mention it.

            I’d like to imagine everybody gradually noticing the shape, but feeling uncomfortable drawing attention to it, thinking they were the only one with an impure mind.

    • EdmondWherever

      Looks like a much happier church now!

    • GeraardSpergen

      Are CSists allowed to take Viagra?

    • Drew M.

      Peyronie’s Disease is nothing to laugh at, man.

    • God’s Starship

      See, it’s fine. Maybe it was just nervous in that first pic.

    • TiltedHorizon

      It is getting cold outside. I wonder if shrinkage was factored in the construction. They should have left the building uncircumcised for extra warmth.

  • C Peterson

    I don’t know. With the vegetation, I think it works better viewed from the other direction, as a giant hard-on.

  • The Other Weirdo

    Holy Christ! I thought it was a joke, but Google Earth has confirmed it. And it’s right down the street from a place called “Loveland Community House”.

  • TiltedHorizon

    Well….. if one wants to ‘dic’-tate their ‘phallusy’ over the masses…. how better than to ‘erect’ a huge building.

    • Tracy Talbot

      Badum…tsss! LOL!

    • LutherW

      Quite a ‘joint’

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        nah, man — THIS is quite a joint!

        • Dan Robinson

          That’s not a joint, that’s a SPLIFF!

    • JT Rager

      I want to be a member!

      • yulaffin

        You can only be a member if you have a member.

        • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

          Does it count if it’s made of silicone or plastic?

  • Gerry Mooney

    This is just so hard to look at, and it just keeps getting harder and harder!

  • Brian K

    How many times will the follwoing conversation be had in Dixon?
    “Which church do you go to?”
    “The Christian Science one.”
    “Oh, the penis church?”

  • b s

    All the neighborhood needs now is a nearby structure shaped like an anis.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Wow…that takes giant balls.

  • flyb

    Lol. On their FB page they have the aerial pictures ‘shopped with a giant leaf over the building. They’re so modest and pure.

    https://www.facebook.com/ChristianScienceDixon

    • allein

      That’s a long way to go for a fig leaf joke…I admire their commitment.

  • Jane Chiarello

    Epic fail !!!!! Or not maybe ???

  • b s

    What someone needs to do is get as many people as possible dressed all in white in there, then have them come running out of the south door and catch it on video.

    • Mario Strada

      With streamers behind them.

  • Fentwin

    I’ve heard of the “rod of God”, yet I never imagined this was what was meant.

    • Dan Robinson

      Now THAT’s a rod that could comfort me!

  • Stephen Mahi

    Immediately the Nazca lines of Peru popped into my head. What will the aliens think?

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      “We’re going to need a bigger probe.”

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, TOWAN

        oh, dear.

  • http://yogscast.wikia.com/wiki/User:Supertoastfairy Supertoastfairy

    It’s…glorious.

  • sam

    If this is a Christian “science” church, then why isn’t it pissing all over a hospital, or perhaps children in need of a blood transfusion?

  • Greg G.

    Do Christian Science congregations not circumcize their churches?

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    *giggle-fits*

  • Greg G.

    If you zoom out from that location in Google, you can see an apparition of the ex-Virgin Mary with a big smile on her face.

  • SansDeus

    They need a second one, to really be Dicks in Illinois.

  • Savoy47

    This is what they want their god to see when he looks down at them as they praise his name and call out to him in prayer. If there turns out to be a god he had a good laugh about it unless he is as big a homophobe as the people inside.

  • Allan

    It’s all in how you look at it — rotate 180 degrees, and it’s certainly not “flaccid”

  • Without Malice

    Well, just about every preacher or priest is a dick, and it does take a lot of balls to preach all that nonsense.

  • Justin Miyundees

    It’s a glass half empty/half full argument. An optimist would view this from the north/northwest.

  • Randy Meyer

    Giggity!

  • Itarion

    That architect has some balls, to pull a stunt like this.

  • Marty

    What’s the exact address? I cannot find it on google earth.
    Anyone?

  • Robster

    They should plant a grey gum tree at the pointy end.

  • http://www.spellwight.com spellwight

    It’s not a very big church, is it? You’d think gawd’s dick would be bigger. Size matters.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      It’s not the size of the universe, it’s how you use it.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/marcadler Marc

    Apparently gone now.

  • Jesse

    The scary part is… this is deliberate…. architects don’t accidentally shape buildings like dicks


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