Christian Blogger Responds to Questionable Advice About Sex with Worse Advice

Ah, sex ed. There are few high school subjects that can make teenagers so uncomfortable, weirdly excited, and sweaty all at once.

One student, Jeremy, was having a tricky time in his own sex ed class and so he did what any of us might have done in a similar position: he emailed Christian blogger Matt Walsh for some advice.

A few things you should know about Matt Walsh:

  1. He is a self-described “blogger, speaker, and professional sayer of truths.”
  2. He has more than 55,000 likes on Facebook. Also, both his profile and cover photo are of his face.
  3. If you search “Matt Walsh,” he has the number one Google result. Which is, frankly, quite impressive.
  4. I don’t know what else. He doesn’t have much in the way of an “About Me” page.

So, as I was saying, Jeremy had a bad experience in his sex ed class and turned to Walsh for some guidance:

Yesterday my health teacher was talking about safe sex and someone mentioned abstinence and she said it wasn’t realistic. She said it was an out dated way of thinking and the people who push for it are out of touch because they were probably kids a long time ago. She said sometimes sex can be more casual and isn’t always a part of something serious. Then she asked how many people in the class are sexually active because she said it was important for people not to be ashamed. Almost all the guys in class raised their hands but I didn’t. They were all talking about how sex doesn’t have to be something for marriage or long term relationships. I always wanted to wait for marriage and I hope it’s not weird for me to say that. They said in class that we should be more accepting of sexual expression that doesn’t conform to older ideas. But I still always wanted to wait for marriage. But at this point I feel like an outcast or something.

Let’s get the initial response out of the way. I obviously don’t support abstinence-only sex education, but I can’t overstate how inappropriate it would be for a teacher to ask her students whether or not they are sexually active in front of the whole class. It would also be inappropriate for her to tell students what sex should mean to them. (This is all assuming the scenario actually happened as stated.)

But I digress, because this is really about Walsh’s response. Walsh’s incredibly, incredibly long response. So let’s dive right in.

Jeremy wrapped up his letter asking a kind of heartbreaking question:

Am I weird for not really wanting to go out and hook up with girls and stuff and instead wait for marriage?

Walsh kicked off his diatribe with a pretty stealthy “gotcha!” moment:

Yes, it’s weird for you to want to wait until marriage. In spite of the hyper-sexualization of our culture; in spite of society’s decaying moral sensibility; in spite of all of the messages that bombard you every day through every available medium; in spite of the pressure from your classmates; in spite of the bullying from that fool of a “health teacher,” you STILL stand tall and resolve to save yourself for your future wife.

Man, that is weird. It’s also awesome, inspiring, courageous, and extraordinary. Not to mention, Jeremy, you’re doing the RIGHT thing. You’ve got more character than most adults in this country, and you should be commended for it.

See what he did there, guys? He took “weird” and turned it right around on its head!

(I have to say, I will never feel comfortable hearing people talk about the hypothetical “future” spouse of a kid as if it’s a given.)

Walsh continues:

Speaking of adults without character, please ignore everything your “health teacher” says on this subject. I have to put quotes around her title because it doesn’t sound like she’s doing much in the way of teaching, and whatever she’s blabbering about has very little to do with “health.” She seems to think there’s a “safe” way for emotionally immature juveniles to have casual sex.Maybe she’ll follow up this performance by advocating “safe drunk driving.”

Well… yeah, there is a safer way to have casual sex. Teen birth rates are at historical lows due to teens taking better birth control measures.

But forget the facts. Walsh is on a roll. He talked about how mad Jeremy’s letter made him, and then ripped on the health teacher a little more for good measure:

So, Mrs. Health Teacher has singlehandedly declared sexual morality dead, has she? With one scoff and wave of her wand she’s buried thousands of years of insight into the topic? Anyone who advocates such things must be “old” and “out dated”?

Hmmm. Well, this tattooed 27 year old former DJ happens to be on your side, man.

Really? This “thousands of years of insight” on the topic of morality that he speaks of — Does he think that residents of Mesopotamia in 500 B.C. weren’t having sex before marriage? Does he think marriage as an institution was exactly the same back then as it is today?

Well, this pierced-eared, 28-year-old former waitress happens to think you’re pretty naive. (Also: Walsh should learn that “single-handedly” is hyphenated, as is “27-year-old.”)

God forgive me, I’m not old fashioned at all. I don’t think you are, either. Truth only seems old fashioned nowadays because we’ve grown so accustomed to deceit and manipulation. But Truth is eternal, so it can never be old or new. It never ‘was’ or ‘will be.’ It just ‘is.’ It always ‘is.’ Truth never grows old, and if you believe in it and try to live by it, you will always be, in some ways — the only ways that matter — the youngest, freshest, most energetic rebel on the block.

Truth is capitalized, y’all. This shit is getting real. Or “fresh,” if you will.

So here’s the point, Jeremy:

(500 words into the post, and we’re finally coming around to a point. Buckle up, everyone.)

You could ask any married person who slept with other people before meeting their spouse (I wouldn’t recommend actually asking this, I’m just trying to illustrate a point here): are you happy about it? Are you glad that you gave yourself to someone other than the person you now love eternally? If you could go back to those times, would you stop yourself?

Was it worth it?

Really, was it worth it?

Do you wish you could say that your spouse is the only person who has experienced these intimate, sacred moments with you? Are you proud that there are other men or women in the world who have seen this side of you? Are you satisfied that what you give to your spouse is now secondhand?

OK, Walsh, you may think that our society’s focus on sex is terrible, but I am beyond disturbed by the fact that you think the most important part of a marriage is that both parties are in some way “pure” going into the situation.

Secondhand? How off-putting is this idea that sex is but this one little, shiny thing that becomes icky and tainted if it is experienced with more than one partner?

And while it may not be insanely unrealistic for a person to wait until they get married to have sex, it’s certainly a reason that some young people choose to get married before they’re ready. Do we, collectively, think that 19-year-olds can’t pick a sexual partner and be safe about it, but they can decide to spend the rest of their lives with another person? And that’s the reasonable decision?

If they tell you they feel happy or neutral about the fact that they gave themselves to someone other than their spouse, you’re dealing with someone in a very dysfunctional marriage. Any honest person in a healthy relationship would tell you they’d erase those moments from their lives if they could.

Alex, I’ll take Sweeping Generalizations for $500.

They can’t, of course. Nobody can. We can’t live in the past and harp on our mistakes, but this all leads to an important point: the myth of “casual sex” persists, even though many of us — millions and millions — have seen it for what it is. Marriage as an institution is in rough shape, but people still do get married in this country. That means millions have had to look at their spouse and say — probably silently in their own heads, deep in their subconscious — “I have nothing new to give to you.”

What does that even mean?! I have nothing new to give you, life partner? Not a commitment to spend my life with you? Not the experience of going through all of life’s trials and tribulations with you? Not the experience of having and raising kids? Nothing?! If I had sex with a single person before my spouse, screw it all, I guess. Nothing new to see here.

There is a lot more he has to say, and it may be worth skimming if you want to spark a rage headache, but let me skip ahead to an awesome part:

We’re told that we are sexually “liberated” if we throw ourselves at strangers and give ourselves over to people who couldn’t possibly care less about us. This is yet another lie. If modern attitudes about sex have “liberated” us, what, precisely, have we been freed from? Security? Commitment? Trust? What, we’ve broken the Shackles of Purity and Love and run gleefully into the Meadows of Pornography and Herpes?

I’ve written nearly 200 posts for this blog, and not a single thing I’ve ever said has come even remotely close to being as awesome as “Meadows of Pornography and Herpes.”

Bravo, sir.

Because that’s all that our sexual liberation has wrought. A lot of confusion, a lot of porn, a lot of disease, a lot of emotionally desperate, psychologically battered, spiritually broken people wandering around, searching for another stranger who’s willing to go in for a few more rounds of sterile, shallow, pointless sex.

Holy cow. This is getting dark. “Emotionally desperate”? “Psychologically battered”? It sounds like some horrifying, dystopian future from an Aldous Huxley novel. Which, in Walsh’s mind, may be true.

So, blah, blah, skippy, skippy — casual sex is a farce, sex shouldn’t be casual, causal sex cheapens the act, other stuff in all caps, etc.

Walsh wraps up his letter with an encouraging:

You’re on the right path. You’re a rebel. Keep going.

And that’s that.

Let’s hope none of you are considering making your own, individual life choices if they don’t jibe with Walsh’s. Because if you are, you’re screwing yourself over, along with — let’s face it — everyone you’ve ever loved.

Thus spoke the tattooed 27-year-old former DJ. And the world rejoiced.

(via @StuffCCLikes)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • closetatheist

    So, he invites the boy to ask other people about their experiences as a way to get some real insight into the situation – but wait , no, not really cause that would make everyone feel awkward, so he tells him to just pretend he asked others. Then this man pretends to answer for these imaginary subjects in both the affirmative and the negative and then claims that those imaginary people that he imagined up who answered in the way he didn’t like have imaginary psychological disorders? uhm. I don’t even know what to say about this…

    Also, again, everybody say it with me: “Imaginary friends, either supernatural or human experiment subjects, do not count as sources.” Good job.

  • ShhhImReading

    I simply cannot stand that guy. I read something of his a while back and I wondered how someone so blinkered could still be so self-righteous. It’s a common problem, I know, but it still amazes me at times.

  • Stacey Kemerer

    I wasn’t a virgin when I got married. I would not change that. I currently have a strong marriage and no mental health issues. I guess I can’t live in this guys crazy, made-up world where everyone agrees with him or suffers. Oh well, have to live in the real world instead, where people can have different experiences and won’t be burnt to a crisp by a vengeful beard-in-the-sky.

  • Lurker111

    Do we know that this episode in class actually happened, and that this is not a strawman letter? Just askin’.

  • doninkansas

    if he is going by what is written in his “holy” book, he is way off base. those guys in the old testament were banging everything in sight.

  • KMR

    Wow. I have a hard time imagining any health class teacher making such obviously biased remarks in a public classroom of today and not being completely called out about it from some parent. If that scenario happened where I live (granted in the south), she would be so fired. If it did happen in the way Jeremy described though, then I feel quite sorry for his experience and also quite perturbed at the advice he was given. Could a “No, you’re not weird and having sex when you’re not ready can be very emotionally damaging. If you don’t think you’ll be ready until your marriage, then that is perfectly fine. Good for you for knowing yourself!” not have sufficed? He was fed lies from his health teacher and then he was fed lies from the blogger. I know of not one non-religious person (and very few religious ones come to think of it) who had sex with someone they sincerely loved and regretted it even if the relationship didn’t result in marriage. It just doesn’t happen unless those involved are psychologically damaged.

  • Daniel Brown

    This was so confusing. All I could take away was that if I drive drunk I should wear a condom? I don’t know. :/

  • Sara Sharick

    Ugh. A friend of mine shared that particular Matt Walsh blog (a friend, who, incidentally, had her first pregnancy at the perky, unmarried age of 18) and I got through about half of it before I couldn’t take it anymore. She obviously has a different perspective on teen pregnancy and sex before marriage than I do (she is also Catholic), but Matt Walsh is just ignorant. He clearly loves living in his own echo chamber of life and thinks it counts as truth for everyone.

  • Jeff See

    News flash: abstinence education didn’t stop me from trying to get laid constantly in high school. I’m not ashamed to say it; I was singular, in focus. To the detriment of my ethical standing, I think, but I digress.

    I doubt the authenticity of the original letter to Mr. Walsh. Sounds just like a set-up, for Walsh to unleash his obviously superior prose upon the blog realm.

  • Jeff See

    I concur, something stinks, and it isn’t just the prose.

  • Adam J. Reizner

    Walsh is a putz. That’s as nice as I can put it. Neither my wife nor I was a virgin at our nuptials. I was actually quite the lothario before becoming monogamous with my first wife. Seven years later I was the only monogamous one and that marriage ended.

    Then I was quite the man whore for a couple of years followed by 3 monogamous relationships the third being my wife of 13 years so far. She had very limited experience and without getting graphic my experience benefitted her and our romantic life is quite active. Once I reprogrammed her religion induced taboos things only got better.

    Yeah, Walsh is a putz.

  • cyb pauli

    I when love men like this lie their asses right off because you know they have had sex with more than one person (person, not woman). Virginity is and always has been prized in the female partner, for a specific biological reason. But guess what some females have a different mating strategy: bet hedging. My bets are well hedged, fun, sacred, precious and happy. And herpes-free.

    According to this dude’s logic, after the wedding night, the sex life is over: the bleeding bride has nothing new left to offer the groom.

  • Ashley D

    So wait, an Atheist went to a Christian man’s blog and had a problem with what he had to say? No kidding. Huh, who would have thunk? Do you read completely opposing blogs just for fun, or do you go out scouring blogs for people to pick a fight with when you run out of your own content?

  • L.G. Keltner

    According to this guy, I’m in a dysfunctional marriage because I don’t regret losing my virginity before I met my husband. Oh well. I wouldn’t take Walsh’s advice on anything anyway. He is in no way qualified to judge relationships in which he has no part.

    And “Meadows of Pornography and Herpes” would make a great song title!

  • Leeloo

    So, wait, you came here to complain about a blog post that was a response to another blog post and commented about it? Pot, allow me to introduce you to Kettle.

  • Carmelita Spats

    Actually, I am ATHEIST and I have agreed with liberal Christian bloggers on some things…Particularly on gay rights, reproductive freedom, social justice, environmental concerns, the notion that the bible is not inerrant, the questions regarding the historicity of the resurrection, virgin birth, etc….I enjoy reading Bishop Shelby Spong’s take on Christianity…GEEZ, who’da thunk? All atheism means is that you LACK a belief in gods. That’s it, fuckwit. Before you open a yammering maw to bray on a blog that is clearly marked “ATHEIST”, please learn what the term means. Otherwise, you end up dumping a massive pile of crazy on someone’s doorstep and other people have to clean up after you. Here is my favorite Spong quote, “Oh the Christian church has encouraged enormous immaturity among the peoples who are its primary adherence.” He means you. You’re welcome.

  • David McNerney

    Why is the key concern of “traditional marriage” about who sticks what into whom? I’ve been in one of these “dysfunctional” marriages for 18 years and previous sexual history has always been the very least of our concerns.

  • closetatheist

    I always wonder how Christians cannot see that their view on sex prizes the first time, and the first time only. If “after you’ve given your heart away” you have nothing new or meaningful to offer, then after your wedding night, when you two are longer virgins, your sexual life will be stale, heartless, and pitiful – which is probably what winds up happening for some of these sexually repressed people.

  • Rain

    Man, that is weird. It’s also awesome, inspiring, courageous, and extraordinary.

    Brilliant ironic twist. He should write some Shakespeare or something. He’s a rebel and a really hip dude for sure.

  • closetatheist

    Personally, I do it for fun. Thanks for asking.

  • Rain

    By the way, fo’ sho’ is the way the hip people would say it. He’s a rebel and a really hip dude fo’ sho’.

  • Dorothy

    I am glad I was able to practice the skill of sex before getting married. How embarrassing would it have been if all I could offer was an amature performance.

  • 3lemenope

    When you give advice in public you invite the public to respond.

  • Conuly

    If it did happen, it is equally crappy. For fuck’s sake, what part of “don’t insult other people” is hard for folks?

  • L.Long

    “If you could go back to those times, would you stop yourself?”
    Yes!!! I would tell my younger self to stop and think about it and try TO DO BETTER JOB AT PLEASING THE OTHER PERSON AS WELL you immature egocentric Ahole!!! Then I would have been even better at it so when I met my life partner. There aint nobody more lost then 2 virgins trying to enjoy something so stressful.

    I also think the letter is a fraud. It just does not sound right. It reads similar to the “Einstein in school” BS that was making the rounds.

  • Jana Coyote

    Sex before marriage is a very good thing. You really don’t want to date a guy for seven years, marry him & divorce after 6 months (Hi Ellie, how are you??) because the husband was the size of a gherkin & the sex lasted about 2 minutes. Ellie loved him – but after waiting seven long years & ending up with a gherkin quickie, even that Catholic girl had to bail.

  • YviDe

    So what exactly do people like him think of remarriage after spousal death? Is that right out, too?

  • islandbrewer

    Yeah, I find the question’s phrasing just a little too convenient a softball pitch for Walsh’s brand of unhingitude.

  • Sally Strange

    It’s not premarital sex if you never get married.

  • Terry Firma

    The name of that teacher? Albert Einstein.

  • 3lemenope

    I think they try not to.

    I will say, after hanging around right-wing blogs for a good long while, that it’s both hilarious and sad to see social conservatives try to sell whatever brand of sexual ethics they think best, only to have every definition unraveled by simple questions. Like the people who argue against gay marriage by trying to define marriage as a procreative arrangement, only to be dumbfounded when someone asks if it is permissible for people who can’t conceive children to be married. After being embarrassed in this way, they crawl away for a day, only to come back the next day with the exact same argument in the exact same form, as if desperately hoping that their point being effortlessly flayed by the crowd was some sort of anomaly.

  • islandbrewer

    Grrr! This Walsh idiot seems familiar. I think Stephanie Drury over at SCCL must have put up a mockable piece of his once or twice.

  • Morten

    I’m an atheist, and I believe marriage is a religious artifact, but I still think this one Christian dude makes some very valid points, and we should listen. Perhaps what he’s saying isn’t valid in the US anymore, which would be a shame and another good reason to read what he’s trying to tell you guys. Do you really jump into bed with anyone without regret? Are your lives really like those braindead soaps and comedy shows? The word “shallow” springs to mind. And that “health teacher” should be fired, then slapped silly, then fired again for good measure.

  • Morten

    So teach the damn “gherkin” to use his hands and tongue instead of dumping him, sweet, loving retarded Catholic shallow Ellie.

  • Conuly

    Go over and ask. I dare you!

  • Fred

    Waiting for you to tell us which points were good ones.

  • Rain

    But Truth is eternal, so it can never be old or new. It never ‘was’ or ‘will be.’ It just ‘is.’

    Truth is also metaphorical a lot. So much so that you never know what it’s supposed to be. They all tell you different things. It’s a wonderful gotcha for when we argue with religious people. We tell them they believe one thing, and then they tell you, oh shock and horror, they don’t believe that at all because it’s metaphorical (or not). Next time try to write a not metaphorical holy book so’s we can argue with people lol.

  • Rain

    (Also: Walsh should learn that “single-handedly” is hyphenated, as is “27-year-old.”)

    As a long-haired former transcriptionist, I can confirm that, lol.

  • katiehippie

    Wow, I didn’t realize the peak of wisdom was at 27 years old.

  • Anathema

    I’m an atheist, and I believe marriage is a religious artifact,

    Marriage was originally a secular phenomenon that was later co-opted by religion. The institution is simply being re-secularized.

    Perhaps what he’s saying isn’t valid in the US anymore, which would be a shame and another good reason to read what he’s trying to tell you guys.

    It’s shame that many of us are no longer forced to be ashamed of sex outside of marriage? It’s a shame that we don’t ostracize people for having casual sex? It’s a shame that we don’t fetishize virginity and treat sexual purity as the most important thing that a person can bring to a marriage?

    This is obviously some strange usage of the word “shame” which I wasn’t previously aware of.

  • Jeff See

    upvote for the chuckle

  • Z

    I agree. The letter is too pretty, a perfect set up for some righteousness preaching! ‘Merica! God bless!

  • smrnda

    It’s their standard tactic – if you don’t follow their rules and say you’re happy, you’re just deluded and *not really happy* and *they know it.*

    A great quote from a friend. She said ‘I don’t regret having had sex in the past with other people since, in order to regret it, I’d have to think about it, and I really don’t. Now, if I’d been raised in ignorance and got pregnant or got some disease because someone wanted to promote abstinence, then I’d have something to regret. ‘

    Personally, almost everyone I was ever with had sex with someone else (I’m asexual so it isn’t my thing) and I’ve been fine with a relationship where the person got sex from someone else. I guess I think that it’s love and not sex that defines a relationship, and that sex can be just for fun.

  • WillBell

    I hate it when, once their arguments are destroyed they just act as if it never happened, perhaps they’re hoping that the next person on the other side is more gullible?

  • smrnda

    Casual sex isn’t for everybody, but for those who engage in it, I think they wouldn’t have much in the way of regrets if they didn’t get judged for it. I, personally, am pretty inactive sexually being asexual and having no real desire for such, but I can’t see any reason why casual sex is bad if done safely.

    Plus, TV shows and such turn casual sex into something it isn’t in real life since it’s easier to write episodes that way.

    The health teacher was totally in the wrong asking such a question, and that’s so out of line that I suspect the whole letter/incident is a fabrication. Not making people feel singled out for their sexual choices is pretty much standard for sex education.

  • Ella Warnock

    “Are you glad that you gave yourself to someone other than the person you now love eternally?”
    “Was it worth it?”
    “Really, was it worth it?”

    It’s had no effect one way or the other.


  • 3lemenope

    I’m not trying to snark, I’m honestly curious.

    In what way does casual sex make one “shallow”?

  • Jasper

    Casual sex isn’t for everybody, but for those who engage in it, I think they wouldn’t have much in the way of regrets if they didn’t get judged for it.

    It reminds me of those people who use suicide rates of homosexuals as a reason why it’s bad to be gay… while glossing over the fact that their oppression/bullying of those people determine to prove homosexuality is bad is a major factor of what’s pushing the people over the edge.

    Guilt/regret of casual sex can be heavily driven by social stigma, similarly – not because there’s something inherently bad about it.

  • Alice

    “I have nothing new to give to you.”

    If having sex with someone was only fun the first few times, that’s a good reason to hook up and never be monogamous.

  • Amor DeCosmos

    ” Hmmm. Well, this tattooed 27 year old former DJ happens to be on your side, man.” – What about Leviticus 19:28, man?

    “Was it worth it? Really, was it worth it?”

    Yes, yes it was.

  • Ella Warnock

    They’re the same people who use suicide rates of women who’ve had abortions. Yes, if you beat someone over the head with the notion that she’s going to hell and making the baby jesus cry for murdering her baby, she’s likely to become depressed. And if you don’t shut up about it, she just might commit suicide. All in the name of “supporting” post-abortive women, however.

  • JuneAbend

    “Porno and Herpes.”. Sounds like a cop show from 1982.

  • Stev84

    Also make sure you wear one when entering the Meadows of Pornography and Herpes.

  • Noelle

    Indeed, the stuff that comes out of the mouths of sharp 70+ somethings is so much more entertaining and useful. I won’t discount advice simply because the giver is a tender 27, but have some respect for knowledge yet to come.

  • 3lemenope

    Of course, the stuff that comes out of the mouths of not-so-sharp 70+ somethings tends to be all the more excruciating than that which comes out of youthful mouths.

    Our minds marinate in our lives, and this intensifies the flavor. Whether it’s a flavor you actually want to taste is another thing altogether.

  • Anna

    A lot of confusion, a lot of porn, a lot of disease, a lot of emotionally desperate, psychologically battered, spiritually broken people wandering around, searching for another stranger who’s willing to go in for a few more rounds of sterile, shallow, pointless sex.

    Is this guy Catholic or Quiverfull or something? “Sterile” seems like an oddly random slam on birth control.

  • wmdkitty

    It’s hinky.

    “Then she asked how many people in the class are sexually active because she said it was important for people not to be ashamed.”

    That just… no. No. No teacher would ask that, but it sure as shit is something that a Christian, looking for “persecution” and “immorality”, would lie about to make their position look good.

    My gut feeling is that this is either extremely exaggerated, or an outright lie.

  • onamission5

    Spouse and I ought to be totally in the clear, then, what with our thirteen years unmarried and counting!

  • Houndentenor

    My bullshit detector went off by the third paragraph. Is there any independent confirmation that this is how this conversation went down? It sounds incredibly exaggerated. Yes, it’s possible, but so much of this is so outrageous that it sounds like a strawman argument against sex ed. If I read something this ridiculous attached to a right-winger I’d call the same bullshit. I don’t think this class was anywhere near this extreme. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it but as we atheists like to say, “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.”

  • Houndentenor

    Not only would she be fired, she should be fired if this actually happened. I find that highly unlikely.

  • Guest

    I’m 20 years older and the more I know, I realize the less I know. I could never be that sure of myself. Is he married?

  • Houndentenor

    What’s funny is that I went to a religiously affiliated college. I know what went on there and who did what and with whom. Now I see posts linking to these abstinence only bullshit things on their facebook page and I want to out them but I’m not going to. Also note, not all their pre-marital sex was of the opposite sex variety. What a bunch of hypocrites.

  • Houndentenor

    It was several centuries before the Catholic church allowed marriages to take place IN their churches. Now they call it a sacrament and act like they invented it. These people actually believe their own bullshit?

  • Houndentenor

    Sometimes it hits the spot, especially if that’s what you’re in the mood for. If you are really looking for a relationship it can be a downer after. I think people should be honest with themselves and others about what they want. That means breaking through a lot of bullshit about what you are “supposed” to want (and that can work both ways) and figuring out what you actually need.

  • NofreedomatLiberty

    This guy is nuts. It is a bit outrageous that he would call a relationship dysfunctional simply because there have been multiple partners in someones life. My partner and I have been together 6 years and have had partners before each other and it doesn’t affect our relationship at all. I have religious friends who worry constantly about future partners judging them about who they have been with and I always say, “If they don’t love you simply because you have been with someone before them, then they probably can’t love you for everything you are and you wouldn’t want to be with them anyway!”

  • smrnda

    I know some professional sex educators, and NONE of them would ever ask such a question or do anything else to put anyone on the spot. In many cases, they handle questions by anonymous put a piece of paper in a box so that people don’t feel awkward about asking something.

  • Patricia Magicia

    I guess this is as good a place as any to plug my upcoming concept album, “The Meadows of Pornography and Herpes” featuring the hit single “I Have Nothing New To Give You (Because I Saw Someone Else’s Dick)”

  • CoraH

    I think the problem is that we’ve lost all aspect of “middle ground” when it comes to almost everything in education, and sex education is included in that. Do I think it’s a good idea for high schoolers to have sex? No. 98% of them are not emotionally, mentally, or financially prepared to face the potential consequences. Many are not responsible enough to be sexually active in a safe manner. But this doesn’t mean we teach abstinence only. This doesn’t mean we shove this issue under the rug and just hope it goes away. We need a balanced approach to sex ed–something that starts out with talking to teens about the real world consequence of sex. Not in a scare-tactic manner, but in a levelheaded way. There also needs to be a portion of the discussion dedicated to contraception options because this is a basic life skill. Even if teens decide not to be sexual active at their currently age, statistically most of them will–at some point–have sex. And they need to be informed.
    The health teacher in the story was not doing sex ed right, but Matt Walsh’s approach of “don’t have sex or you’ll be broken” is just as disasterous.
    It needs to be about moderation and combining the approaches of, “we hope you don’t have sex right now because of x, y, and z” with “but if you do here’s what you need to know. And if you are waiting, you’ll need to know this stuff eventually anyway.”

  • Little_Magpie

    heavy metal, I’m thinking?

  • Little_Magpie

    and that, in itself, is the beginning of wisdom, isn’t it?

  • Little_Magpie

    it doesn’t stink, either. (their BS, I mean.)

  • Spuddie

    Sex ed classes ARE middle ground. [I don't think the account of the sex ed teacher is credible]

    The problem being that the anti-coital extremists find any kind of compromise on their position to be nothing short of capitulation. When dealing with unreasonable people, it is pointless to consider the notion of compromise.

  • Little_Magpie

    Yeah, he’s being an ass. I can kind of get behind the very very small of it that says, good for knowing what’s right for you, affirming that abstinence is a perfectly valid choice if that’s what feels right for you, and even that whole “go you, you’re right on, doesn’t mean you aren’t cool” thing. I haven’t personally experienced it, but I am willing to believe that there are social situations in highschool where young people can be ridiculed for making that choice to remain sexually abstinent. I certainly felt pretty marginalized for my not-consciously-chosen virginity (partly because of being the sort of young woman who didn’t get a lot of dates, to put it mildly, and partly because of not feeling ready when I was in relationships, or not feeling right about it with the particular person) … but that really isn’t the same thing, because it’s really of a piece with the ridicule and marginalization of me as a bookish, socially awkward, obese teenager… just one more reason to ridicule added on. But

    yeah, I wasn’t trying to preserve my virginity – I wanted desperately to get rid of it, if only the opportunity would arise!

    But I digress. It’s one thing to affirm that it’s a valid choice for that particular young man, my problem with it is that he presents it as the only choice that is morally acceptable.

  • Charles

    Hmmm… So was the premarital sex still bad and dirty, and did it still filthy-up my glow worm if I marry her later?

  • John Fisher

    Now you’ve done it, I’m gonna sit up all night tryina rhyme “herpes”……

  • L.G. Keltner

    Yeah, his idea of a dysfunctional marriage seems like my idea of a healthy marriage. Worrying about premarital sexual encounters seems more like a childish insecurity than what a rational adult would do.

  • Karri

    Wow! Good to know that my 11 years of happy marriage is all a lie. And all it took was a 27-year-old former DJ to make me see the light. And so sorry that our three precious little boys are “nothing new”.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Am I happy that I have had sex with more than one person and that the sex has been exciting and kinky at times? Hmm, well let me think about it … yes. Plus since I am gay I apparently can’t get married, at least in the view of certain people, so I get a free pass to screw around.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    I should ask him for directions to these “Meadows of Pornography” for purely research purposes of course.

  • Karri

    Am I the only one who feels like he recanted that challenge to ask other people because he knew that the majority of them would have said, “Nah, I don’t regret it at all.”?

  • Karri

    I kinda wanna see these “meadows of pornography and herpes” that he promises. Sounds fun. >_<

  • LizBert

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I wish I had more sex before getting married. I was religious and young when I started dating my husband and he is the only person I have ever been with. I am happy being with him but I wish my teenage self had been more wild.

  • closetatheist

    Stuff like this blows my mind. I watched a documentary on “purity balls” for Christians where girls as young as 7 pledged their sexuality to the safekeeping of their earthly and heavenly fathers. EVERY SINGLE PARENT who was interviewed was all “No, I didn’t do this. And it worked out fine for me, but I want this life for her” WTF? You’re all living proof that this bullcrap is unnecessary and yet you’re saddling it on your kids?

    It’s like they think these “objective moral standards” only apply to other people. THEY can do just peachy without obeying them, thankyouverymuch. But someone else defying sexual rules?! OH NO BITCH, heaven will rain fire and you will have an unfulfilling and pathetic life!

  • Davo

    Religious people like this are scarily uneducated. It’s should be illegal for them to give advice because they don’t know what they’re talking about.

  • closetatheist

    Duh, because your partner died you were able to wrestle the “gift” of your sexuality out of their cold, dead fingers so you could be free to give it away again…or something. So its only a little less valuable cause there are a few scratches on it, but its good enough.
    Sidenote: isn’t it laughable that they treat sexuality as if its finite and nonrenewable? It can become tattered, lost, given away (never to wholly return), and used up.

  • wmdkitty

    Ah, you beat me to it!

  • ShoeUnited

    Having sex is like ordering pizza. If you don’t try different kinds you won’t know which you love the best. Worst thing you can do to yourself is order a pineapple & anchovy without sauce and cheese and then be forced to only eat that for 1-60 years.

  • Muddy Mudskipper

    Why couldn’t Jeremy have added:

    “ps–I am gay”

    to the end of his letter?

  • Yoav

    Well, this tattooed 27 year old former DJ

    I seem to remember something in the bible about tattoos.

  • Morten

    Wow…. really? Sex isn’t intimate for you people? It’s just for getting off? I’m not taking part in this dicussion, as it makes me sad for the human race.

  • DrVanNostrand

    I’m almost tempted to like Morten’s comment, except based on the comment above, I think Morten is coming from a completely bullshit prudish place.

    What I will point out is that as a listener of Savage Love, I’ve heard several times that studies show that the female lovers of men with micropenises actually report MORE orgasms, not less. I don’t take that as an indication that micropenises are awesome, but that women who orgasm from hard PIV pounding alone are the exception rather than the rule, and it’s us normals that are more reluctant to go the extra mile. Of course, none of this means that premarital sex is a bad idea. The micropenis, premature ejaculator you describe better be enthusiastic about all the other options to please women, and even then won’t be a great fit for all women (some still want hard PIV pounding!). The only way to work all that out is to practice together.

  • Feminerd

    And, lo, thou shalt adorn thine body with ink and let it scream thy passions to the world.


  • Feminerd

    How is casual sex not intimate? I mean, it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes it is just for getting off. But casual sex between friends who don’t intend to be more is still very meaningful. I had a friend who was very concerned about his virginity and very much wanted to lose it. If I hadn’t been in a monogamous relationship at the time, I would’ve slept with him so he would stop freaking out about it and sabotaging himself. I talked it over with my boyfriend and we decided that no, we were monogamous, so I didn’t, but it wouldn’t have been a big deal otherwise. That would have been not just getting-off sex, but not deep intimate sex either.

    What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with some sex being scratching an itch and some sex being deep, intimate, and meaningful and some sex in-between?

  • DrVanNostrand

    Thanks for the ignorant false dilemma. It’s probably for the best if you don’t want to take part in the discussion as you appear to lack the sophistication to do so.

  • Mike Hargreaves

    Driving is a dangerous activity. Accidents happen. Teaching our kids to drive just encourages irresponsible teenagers to take risks. I advocate abstinence only drivers ed. Our schools have no right to teach impressionable youngsters about the freedoms and independence of driving. Kids can’t be trusted to drive safely. And don’t tell me that accidents don’t happen if you wear protection. Seat belts fail all the time… Parallel arguments are fun…

  • MichaelNewsham

    Got married kind of late : me 36, my wife 33; my first, her second; both of us having had premarital sex as well- everything from one-night stands to deep commitments that didn’t end up permanent- and have been faithfully and (mostly!) happily married for 23 years, raising three kids.

    “If they tell you they feel happy or neutral about the fact that they gave themselves to someone other than their spouse, you’re dealing with someone in a very dysfunctional marriage. Any honest person in a healthy relationship would tell you they’d erase those
    moments from their lives if they could.”

    Sorry, Mark, you’re so full of crap….

  • Morten

    Nothing wrong with that, as long as you and your boyfriend are comfortable with it. My point is that some people are so quick to call waiting with sex wrong that they don’t realize they’re doing the exact same thing as those religious people – looking down on other people and condemning their choices. I’m trying to say that for this particular person (which may or may not exist) this piece of advice was probably exactly right. As for me, I would avoid having relations with girls who’ve had a significant numbers of sexual partners/encounters before me. I would never trust someone who couldn’t control their biological urges (no offence) in every circumstance imaginable even in the hard times of a relationship when you start to think about what you’re missing (“I could be out there f-ing my brains out instead of trying to fix this relationship… yeah, that’s easier, I think I’ll just do that” – someone with less experience would feel more intimate towards their partner and be less likely to cheat). I know in my heart that someone who put love over sex would make a better partner for me personally. That’s not necessarily the case for other people, but that’s none of my business. If you sleep with anyone and everyone, well good for you. Just be honest with your partners so that they know where they stand.

  • Caprica

    Same here. I’m not fifty years old and have never had pre-marital sex. My twenty-four year old daughter hasn’t either. Same with her long term partner. Pre-marital is for those that believe in post-marital. I haven’t even done the marital yet. Good chance I won’t ever, so it’s highly presumptive of anyone to discuss sexual activity in terms of a marriage status.

  • Dan Robinson

    He asks if it was worth it. Damn right it was. Ifneither partner has had any experience it

  • Dan Robinson

    oops darn buttons…

    …If neither partner has any experience the first experience for both is likely to be less than ideal.

  • MapDark

    I love how he somehow thinks that having tattoos makes him edgy and thus “relatable” XD

    God , this was the biggest piece of hogwash I have ever read. Talk about having a twisted view of sex.

  • evodevo

    You’ll notice it’s almost exclusively fathers and daughters…. don’t see many mothers and sons at purity balls (what a name!!), do ya ….. hmmmmm .

  • DrVanNostrand

    Thanks for confirming that you’re thoroughly committed to your idiotic, false dichotomy.

  • guest

    I strongly suspect the “student’s letter” is in fact a prompt written by Walsh himself. What teenager would write like that? And the fact that “Jeremy” and Walsh both have the exact same flair for hyphenation fails? That totally puts the nail in the coffin.

  • pete084

    Oh yes, be pure for your spouse, you can always divorce if you find you’re sexually incompatible.
    The fallacious notion that abstinence is pure and righteous comes only from a religious perspective, the facts prove otherwise.
    Teen pregnancy rates in the USA are amongst the highest in the world, whereas in sexually liberal Scandinavian countries the rates are amongst the lowest.

    Search for Laci Green and her Sex+ channel on YouTube.

  • guest


  • Noelle

    Ah, so 27 may be too young for some to appreciate just how little one truly knows. Good eye.

    I wonder if in 20 years he’ll have better advice to give?

  • 3lemenope

    I’ve been monogamous my entire life and have never engaged in sex outside of a committed relationship.

    I’m asking in part because I don’t know, and was wondering if you had more than cheap moralizing for an answer.

    So, I’ll ask again. Precisely in what way does causal sex make one shallow?

  • guest

    I noticed that too. And he probably does mean it in the Quiverfull sex-an’t-worth-nuthin’-if-it-don’t-make-no-babiez sense. Apparently, sex is “pointless” otherwise.

    Maybe we can pretend he means sterile sex as safe sex: “sterile” because it isn’t teeming with disease transmission.

  • Anymouse

    Ewww. And lol.

  • Andy Anderson

    I imagine that’s why he was putting all that poison in the well.

  • baal

    CARM say’s it’s ok to ignore part of the bible (lev 19:28) so long as you contextualize it enough. Oddly, they don’t agree with that approach with other prohibitions in Leviticus.

  • baal

    “I’m an atheist”…”you people”.

    Choose one please mort.

  • baal

    I was going to comment on your use of micropenis to shame men but DrVanN did it much better than I was going to.

  • islandbrewer

    “You people” obviously means bad atheists, like us, and not the good atheists, like Morten, or SE Cupp.

  • allein

    Nope, that was exactly my first thought.

  • baal

    Careful, the porn mags (these still around?) and internet videos will give you herpes if you watch them.

  • islandbrewer

    When you wrote “porn mags,” I immediately thought of this giant gun clip with copies of Hustler rolled up and stuffed into the clip, loaded into a gun, and shot into stadium seating like one of those T-shirt guns.

  • onamission5

    Argh. Mentally handicapped =/= harmfully ignorant. Can we not with the slurs?

  • allein

    You (and this “Christian dude”) assume all sex outside of marriage is “casual”? I’ve had 3 partners, all serious relationships, and I am not married. I don’t do “casual” sex. Nor do I think anyone who does is somehow damaged.

  • TychaBrahe

    I am reminded of the comment of Mary Malone on her alien soon-to-be husband, “I see fingers and a tongue. Everything else is gravy.” (Spider Robinson, Time Travelers Strictly Cash, I believe)

  • allein

    I doubt anyone here would say that waiting is “wrong”…it’s the teaching that waiting is the only right way to be that we think is wrong. Everyone should wait until they are ready; if that means marriage for some people, that’s fine, as long as it’s really their decision and not their parents/teachers/pastors telling them that it’s their only option if they want to be good people.
    As for the rest of your post, well, fuck you. And plenty of people end up cheating or otherwise ending a relationship precisely because they’ve only had one partner and they feel they’ve missed out on something. You can make the argument that it’s because society tells them they should feel that way, but it’s no guarantee that waiting for marriage makes you less likely to cheat.

  • Gus

    “But Truth never changes. It just is.”

    Do you think he’s ever read Leviticus?

  • Gus

    This is not the first time I’ve seen one of these clowns claiming that if you ask people who had premarital sex if they regret it, or if it was worth it, or what have you, they’ll somehow tell you it wasn’t worth it or that they regret it. This is the simplest test to do. And it seems to me that nearly everyone outside of extremely conservative religious sects would say they don’t regret it at all. I sure as hell don’t. And I’ve got to say that I’m also very glad my wife had sex with other people before me. I guess any Christians who would say what I would say (and I’m sure there are many) are just not True Christians .

  • TychaBrahe

    The only problem I have with this whole conversation is that just as there should be no shame in having sex before marriage (or without intending marriage) there should also be no shame in choosing not to have sex for any period of time. I know several asexual people, people who had sex for the first time late in life, and people who chose to have a period of celibacy after being sexually active. All of them reported immense social pressure to have sex before they felt emotionally ready for it, or in the case of the asexual people, when they were not interested at all.

    There is nothing wrong with abstinence.

    We are slowly coming to the realization that not everyone follows the same life path. It is rude to ask someone when they will start dating, when they will marry the person they are in a relationship with, or when they will have children, because those things are no longer automatic. It should be considered just as rude to demand that people be sexually active according to some societal schedule.

  • Jon Weaver

    I believe the Meadows of P&H is in Southern Virginia near the Blue Ridge Parkway, it’s beautiful in the fall.

  • Religion Suckz

    Great blog Jessica and this is a good example of someone simply saying what he and his audience SAY they believe. They all shout amen and forget they were having sex before marriage, and don’t regret it for a minute!

  • thecatenelson

    As one friend hilariously noted, “Genitals do not work like a Pez dispenser, dispensing pieces of our crotch until we run out.”

  • Feminerd

    I’m going to go backwards.

    I found that people with more experience were less likely to cheat. They knew the cycles of a relationship (the three-month high, etc), they weren’t dealing with new hormonal experiences but had dealt with the surges and falls of lust before, and they were more proficient in general relationship-building. This isn’t universal, of course, but neither is your experience. They also know what they’re missing- they’ve had enough sex with enough different people to have at least sampled some of the variety of it, so there’s not a focus on how sex with other people might be different from the one person they’re with/have been with.

    If anyone called waiting for sex wrong, they were themselves wrong. One should only have sex when one wants to (and has a willing partner) or feels oneself ready. For some people, that means early sexual experiences, lots of casual sex, lots of partners, etc. For others, it means waiting for a deeply meaningful monogamous relationship. For others, it means being part of a poly group in which sex within the group or with certain people is acceptable, but sex with random strangers is not. For others … you get the picture. Sexuality is quite broad.

    That doesn’t change the fact that the advice Matt Walsh gave is toxic and wrong. If he’d just said that waiting was fine and not weird, that everyone should be comfortable in their own sexuality and/or cultural considerations, that would be fine. But he didn’t. Instead, he exalted purity culture (and women’s hymens) over the actual persons having sex. He said that people who have sex outside of marriage are bad people, and that non-virgins are so “tainted” by the experience of sex that they are horrible people who should never be dated nor accorded respect. That is not good advice for anyone.

    In the end, your original comment was vicious and cruel and wrong. Your newly stated position is reasonable, and I wish you luck finding a person who values monogamy and presumably doesn’t judge your sexual past as much as you don’t judge hirs. However, if you think that a person with any past sexual experience is somehow unworthy of you, then you have some issues that you need to work on. People are so much more than what’s between their legs or where it’s been.

  • PrimateZero

    Are you sure about that? I was told you can find them at Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

  • allein

    I went to a (religiously-affiliated but really secular) school in Lancaster County…on the walls in the cafeteria were landscapes of surrounding areas, with location labels on the frames underneath. They included Intercourse and Blue Ball.

  • WingedBeast

    “Are you glad you gave yourself to someone else before you were married?”
    Appropriate response: “I didn’t give myself. I’m still mine.”

  • smrnda

    Sex may be a rare example of a nearly unlimited resource, a gift that keeps on giving.

  • allein

    Why do they assume all sex before marriage is with strangers? I have never slept with a stranger, or anyone I wasn’t in a serious relationship with. No, those relationships didn’t last, and yes, I have regrets, but those regrets have nothing whatsoever to do with sex. There is a middle ground between “only sleep with one person ever in your life and only after you’ve made a binding legal commitment to them first” and “pick up every random stranger who’s willing to jump into bed with you.”

  • tubi11

    To be clear, this is not the same Matt Walsh who was a co-founder of UCB.
    Also, yes, it was worth it. Thanks for asking.

  • SansDeus

    You wouldn’t happen to be a tattooed 27-year-old former DJ, would you?

  • lmern

    “Dear Olark,
    Please let me see the asshats downvoting all these awesome comments.

  • SansDeus

    Interesting how he talks about sex as it’s something that can be used and unable to go back to it’s former pristine state but also makes a reference to his tattoos, as if he’s hip and modern. I didn’t see anything mentioning that tattoo’s are (usually) permanent and something a lot people regret (probably more so than a one-night-stand).

    I also find it amusing that he uses secondhand in a negative sense. Many people buy used/classic cars and are happy with them, the same goes with secondhand clothes or antique furniture.

    He also acts like there’s no such thing as divorce and that you can’t share intimacy or be in love with more than one person in your life.

    A very strange character indeed.

  • Captain Cassidy

    Yikes, I feel so bad for every person Matt Walsh has and ever will have sex with. All that matters to him is whether or not someone has any kind of sexual history. It doesn’t matter if the person is sexually compatible or not. It doesn’t matter how good or bad that person is at sex. Doesn’t matter if affection is even present. Nope, all that matters is if the person is “pure.” What a hateful, cruel way to look at people. And it is guaranteed to fail considering that the vast majority of people–Christians most especially included–have sex before marriage or instead of marriage. And I guess as usual, victims of sexual assault are shit out of luck since now they’re all soiled and tarnished–and have nothing “new” to offer their loving partners. (Or does he have an “exception clause” for them like forced-birthers do, giving such unfortunate women a pass because they weren’t slutty slut sluts who consented to the sharing of their bodies? Because if so, if a rape victim gets to retain control of her body and isn’t tarnished by what happened, then a non-rape victim should be able to do so as well!)

    His worldview is so childish and controlling, so patriarchal and fear-dominated. I wonder why he feels so threatened about the idea of a sexually experienced, competent woman? Because make no mistake, this fear marks his entire response. I think that it’s important to note that this is what Walsh thinks about women and relationships. This is what he thinks about sex. This is how he wants to conduct his private life. This is the sort of argument that would impress and sway him. He’s talking more to himself than to the letter-writer. That’s the most depressing thing about what he wrote. Matt Walsh exists and has the ideas he’s describing, and is impressed by those ideas. My my, don’t you all wonder what wisdom we’ll be seeing from him in another 20 years? I think we’ve got us a Pat Robertson in the making here–blissfully free of the burden of facts and truth as long as he has capital-T “Truth” to unload on vulnerable minds.

  • Captain Cassidy

    Fine point. My brand-new cheap coffeemaker just died after 2 months. My second-hand espresso maker, however, has celebrated its fourth birthday. My reconditioned standing mixer and printer are both about five years old. The third-hand food processor (a Robo Coupe!) is now almost as old as I am and chugging along just fine with being used every couple of days. It’s so weird to see the hate for “used” goods.

    Don’t you wonder like I do about what Walsh’s history looks like?

  • Captain Cassidy

    I don’t think he’s talked to that many people, to be honest. His worldview is his own, and nobody else’s. I don’t know anybody who regrets his or her sexual history, not that it’s any of my or Walsh’s business.

  • Captain Cassidy

    Context: the “get out of uncomfortable ideas free” card.

  • Captain Cassidy

    As a long-haired 40-something blogger and former sysadmin, I approve of this message.

  • Captain Cassidy

    That’s funny–the word “self-righteous” is springing to my mind. It must make you very upset to know that people are having forms of sex you don’t like and don’t approve of, and that those people really don’t give a damn what you do or don’t think of them doing so. You’re a sterling example of why it is a mistake to think that atheism by itself imparts some sort of special wisdom to those who embrace it.

    I hope you spend a little time wondering why to you, sex is either the way you happen to think it should be like or else it must be by definition “shallow,” with people “jumping into bed with anyone without regret” like in “braindead soaps and comedy shows.” That’s a harmful bit of dualistic thinking that is easily debunked. Sex is what you make of it. It means what you want it to mean. I’ve had sex in and out of committed relationships and can tell you that it doesn’t have to be just one way to be wonderful. Some of the most meaningful sex I’ve ever had was with men I only slept with once or a few times. Some of the least meaningful sex I had occurred in the context of marriage. Once you open yourself up to experience, you start realizing there isn’t just two ways of looking at sex; there are as many ways as there are people. What is meaningful for you might not be for others, and that’s okay. Try to be a little less judgmental. Some gentleness of heart and some grace might be as good for you to apply to yourself as to others. Try not to do too much emotional damage to yourself and the people around you until you figure yourself out.

  • Feminerd


  • Captain Cassidy

    As usual, you hit the nail on the head. I think it’s sanctimonious and cruel to judge someone solely based on the number of sexual partners he or she has had. Morten equates having a certain number of past partners as “someone who couldn’t control their biological urges”–as if having more than the number of partners he personally thinks is reasonable means that obviously the person involved can’t “control their biological urges.” Really? Is there some magic number of partners that folks dial past and suddenly all we care about is humping whatever offers the correct surface tension? That’s ridiculous as well as mean-spirited. I’m really glad that I don’t buy into that nonsense–I’d have missed out on a truly amazing and wonderful partner if I judged him by the number of his conquests.

  • Captain Cassidy

    It does, but you get used to it. I’ve got a permanent indentation on one finger from how often I’ve hit that underscore key. I still name files that way (“Kitten_on_tree.jpg”) and I’m years away from my last admin job. Old habits die hard.

  • onamission5

    I must steal this. Must!

  • onamission5

    Ah yes but standard disclaimers apply to such a test, because apparently anyone who says they do not in fact regret their pre-marriage sex life is A) lying and/or B) broken.

  • Feminerd

    Heh. I’m trying to get used to it. I’m learning HTML and CSS and soon to add JS to that list, and even have a small Git hub to push things to, so every time I name a file I have to check over to make sure I named it properly.

  • happy, happy, happy

    Quick, tell me what the ONLY 100% fail-proof method of birth-control or STD prevention method is?

    Sure, it can be done “safer” but 100% safe?

  • wmdkitty

    This has all the links.

  • Captain Cassidy

    I’m having a tough time figuring out why in the world you even brought that up, Captain Obvious. We’re not talking about unwanted pregnancies and STD transmission rates. We’re talking about this twit who styles himself some sort of “professional sayer of truths” who has the destructive and cruel habit of devaluing human beings based on how many partners they’ve had. Besides, you’re wrong. A person practicing abstinence has less of a risk of contracting STDs and getting pregnant, but not totally 100% freedom from risk. Did you not realize that herpes can be passed via kissing, and that someone can be raped and become pregnant thereby?

  • Captain Cassidy

    Consistency is key. Nothing sucks worse than spending a few hours trying to figure out why a picture isn’t displaying right, only to discover you didn’t capitalize its filename the right way or something.

  • Feminerd

    :( Already done that once. I’m sure it’ll happen again.

  • Madison Blane

    Men are the only ones who give any part of themselves during sex (and they most certainly can make more). Women receive during sex! We certainly aren’t made ‘less whole’, if anything we are more filled!

  • Mairianna

    Boy, I sure do wonder if Matt Walsh’s sex life is squeaky clean. I mean if he had sex with someone (wife), and say, it didn’t work out, he’s stuck. He can’t have sex with anyone else EVER, based on his conclusions.

  • smrnda

    Okay, maybe some dude-bros bragging about sexual exploits look down on guys who don’t have sex, but so far, I’ve never heard anyone actually disparage anyone’s choice to wait for sex.

    What people are critiquing is the religious message that waiting is superior, that it’s the only valid choice, and that people who don’t wait are somehow permanently damaged.

    And take the slut-shaming and shove it. Having sex or not having sex has nothing to do with ‘controlling biological urges’ for most human beings. It’s that some people, consciously, have decided that casual sex is okay, and they go ahead and have it. For people who think that way, having casual sex isn’t ‘putting sex above love’ at all, it’s just deciding that it’s okay to have sex when you aren’t necessarily going to spend your life with the person. People who do this ARE honest with their partners, it’s just that people who slut-shame etc. are just implying motives and drives to sexually active people that are inaccurate and judgmental.

  • Captain Cassidy

    You know how cats do that “I meant to do that” look so perfectly after they fall down or do something really dumb-looking? It’s an art that comes in handy.

  • chicago dyke, TOWAN

    damn. just damn. jessica johnson is Right. i’m a blogger and commenter for ~15yrs, and no, i’ve never achieved that eloquence.

    i salute you, Sir.

  • wmdkitty

    And it is an art form.

  • UWIR

    It is hinky, but I don’t think the fact that it’s incredibly bad judgment (and illegal, at least in California) settles the issue. I took a course in college in which the professor asked everyone who had been sexually assaulted to identify themselves.

  • UWIR

    So, just to be clear, you’re unable to comprehend why someone might want to consider, and critically examine, other points of views?

  • UWIR

    Ashley’s criticizing Jessica for criticizing Matt for criticizing the sex ed teacher. I guess it’s okay for Matt and Ashley to look for opposing views and criticize them, but not for Jessica.

  • UWIR

    I’m a bit suspicious of the claim that Christians are dumbfounded when someone asks about infertile couples. Christians have plenty of responses to that.

  • TheShadow

    When I read “sterile” sex, I thought of latex body suits and lots of bleach.

  • Gehennah

    I’m married, and he could ask me if I could go back would I sleep with the people I did before I got married.

    The answer is “yes,” and for multiple reasons. First, I learned a lot from my partners over the years. Second, it was enjoyable. It’s like “would you take back all of the good food you’ve ever had just to have the best food you’ve ever had in the future. And third, and most importantly, I met my wife by blind luck. If the events of our lives hadn’t happened the way that they did, then I would have never met her. And this includes being in relationships with other people in the past. And I love my wife more than life itself, and would never do anything to risk not meeting her and falling in love with her again.

  • Gehennah

    Abstinence is the best way, because outside of rape, there is no pregnancy or std (or if you are a believer of certain Republicans, no pregnancy either, but if you do believe that then you are sadly deluded).

    But I abstinence is not realistic. And the safest way to actually have sex, is be a lesbian.

  • Gehennah

    Obviously not. Since the Truth has changed from the OT to the NT (big T godly truth here).

    Of course, I’d rather rely on this little thing we like to call evidence rather than random assertions on what some magical being said was True or not.

  • Anna

    Ha, it makes me think of that scene from The Naked Gun.

  • 3lemenope

    Christians have plenty of responses to that.

    No responses that are persuasive on the matter of law. Once the question becomes, as policy, do we allow this or that marriage by law, they have no grounds to say, no two gay people may not be married because the union is not procreative, but not, yes, two heterosexual people who are barren/infertile may be married despite their union not being procreative. They can split all the theological hairs they like, but no argument they can provide is persuasive to anyone who doesn’t already believe what they do, which is what the task of winning a debate like this in a society like ours requires.

  • rg57

    “I can’t overstate how inappropriate it would be for a teacher to ask her students whether or not they are sexually active in front of the whole class.”

    I know you probably feel obligated to say that, but why not change the perception? it’s terribly sad that there has to be this over-reaction to discussions of sex, as if it’s something dirty or radioactive. It’s not dirty (unless you want it be). It’s not radioactive. I’m disappointed that you’re contributing to the shame around it, and it undercuts what you say about Walsh’s idea of “pure” people later. The more we treat sex like any other topic from the start, the healthier our actions will be. That is so important.

    “He took ‘weird’ and turned it right around on its head!”

    Yes, and? That is exactly what the queer movement has done. It’s a good thing, even in this case. Asexual people, or people who choose (for any reason or length of time) to avoid sex, are people too.

    (Also: newsflash: although I love my hyphens, the fact is that it is completely acceptable to leave almost any or all of them out. It’s 2013. Literally.)

  • wmdkitty

    That’s a whole other kettle of fish. Survivors are more common than you think, and asking us to self-identify can drive that point home to those lucky enough to be insulated from the issue of rape.

  • diogeneslamp0

    No, no, no. You don’t understand the religion of envy. You have nothing new to give you spouse, NOT because you saw someone else’s dick, but because someone else saw your cooch. And, yes, gynecologists count. That’s what makes you dirty… you inspire insecurity in those who cannot acknowledge their feelings of inadequacy.

  • Nomad

    I left a huge comment at his blog and am curious whether it’s likely to show up. I basically said that I feel no need to comment on whether I regretted having sex with people I am no longer dating, but that I did desire to comment on how I feel that people that think that they have to hide their emotions and their sexuality away in a little box until they feel that that blow it on the only person that they can ever share it with are dysfunctional. I mentioned how dysfunctional I feel it is to compare a woman to a piece of chewing gum, which gets used up and disgusting after one person chews it. That’s a common analogy in purity circles.

    I also want to comment here on that “give yourself away” line. I did not give myself away to my first sexual partner. I shared myself with her, and her me. I did not lose something, I gained things. Love is not a zero sum game where you’re born with a fixed number of love units. I love my friends in a small love way, I love my current partner in a big love way. I still feel some feeling of love for my past partners, because when a relationship ends without turning ugly I think there’s no reason they have to die entirely. I am richer for it, to suggest that I am somehow impoverished for having loved and been loved is absurd. And it makes me sad for people that live their lives under that assumption.

    I mean there’s a comment on the blog, someone talking about having had a bad first marriage and then getting into another marriage. She says she’s grateful for her second husband being able to tolerate that such a precious part of her was “taken” by someone else. I’m deeply saddened that she feels the need to see herself as damaged goods like that.

  • Nomad

    I’m in favor of taking a sex positive view of human sexuality, but I’m still going to disagree with you there. Sex is still allowed to be a private thing in this day and age. You make it a public thing like that and ask people to state it and you push it on them. You make them either be open about it, or lie. “None of your business” is still an appropriate answer, and a teacher should never be asking his or her students a question that can be answered that way.

  • Jana Coyote

    Morten, hit a nerve?? SEVEN YEARS!!! He was not into premarital sex. Period. None – she loved him, so she married him. He refused to think outside the box.

  • Jana Coyote

    Maybe I should point out that they married in 1969. Different times. They wanted children. She received no pleasure, no indication that he would change, oral sex was out of the question. In any case, had they had premarital sex, she wouldn’t have had the wedding of her dreams, that her family paid dearly for and a divorce – 1st in her family. It was painful, embarrassing, confusing and left her questioning her judgement.

  • Chip Fox

    He hates culture for focusing on sex, and turns around and says it’s basically the foundation of a good Marriage? He’s trumped up sex to be such a big deal for this kid! This kid is probably going to nervous about sex his whole life now.

    I’m honestly happy my spouse and I had previous experience, it made things much more enjoyable and much less awkward.

  • Greg

    I was filled with and believed this sort of bullshit for most my life 36 year life until losing religion.

  • DrVanNostrand

    Quick, what is the only way 100% fail-proof method for not dying in a car crash?

    Sure, driving can be done “safer”, but 100% safe?

    Every time I go hiking, I “might” get mauled by a mountain lion or bitten by a rattlesnake. This argument is insane because it inevitably leads to never leaving your survival bunker. People take informed risks every day: doing their jobs, working on hobbies, recreational activities, etc…

  • chlorinator

    Ugh, this post was awful – it circulated on FB among some of my high school friends and acquaintances. I was pretty disappointed that an argument that boils down to: “Doing X will make you miserable. Do you want proof? Go ask someone who did X! Oh, they said they were fine, or even happy about it? They’re lying.” holds water with people I consider to be reasonable and intelligent.

  • Itarion

    Holy cow. This is getting dark. “Emotionally desperate”? “Psychologically battered”? It sounds like some horrifying, dystopian future from an Aldous Huxley novel. Which, in Walsh’s mind, may be true.

    Hey. I’ve read Brave New World, and the only emotional desperation and psychological battering came from intense and fundamental culture shock based on the acceptance of sexuality. More importantly it flowed both ways, from “over”-sexed person in a chaste society to chaste person in the “over”-sexed society.

  • Itarion

    Glad you finally got that mental enema.

  • Insanitydividedby0

    Personally I have no regrets with having sex with people before I ended up in a committed relationship. I never want to get married and didn’t buy into all the ‘you give away a part of yourself with each person you sleep with”. I don’t feel like I lost anything, in fact I feel like I gained something. I didn’t have sex until later but really enjoyed my first time even though it was with someone I wasn’t dating and didn’t have any intention of doing so. I do think that there should be no shame when it comes to sex and we need to teach girls that there shouldn’t be any shame about how many people we have been with. My boyfriend isn’t bothered by my previous sexual experience. I do sometimes wish I had a little more experience to match his as I worried in the beginning that I didn’t know quite enough. I have no regrets and this guy seems to think that someone like me is a lesser person because I’m not a virgin, I feel like a more well rounded person because of my relationships.

    However if someone chooses to wait until marriage to have sex I don’t hold it against them, granted I think it can cause problems if you end up with someone that you aren’t sexually compatible with. Knowing how to please a woman makes a huge difference in sexual satisfaction and having some experience can be a really good thing. I’m grateful for my guy’s past experiences because it makes me a very happy woman. I’m rambling but the idea that sex is naughty and should only be saved for marriage can turn into something bigger. A friend of mine who recently got divorced explained to me that growing up in a super religious house where sex was shamed made it really hard to adjust when she got married and she still felt ashamed.

  • Insanitydividedby0

    I prefer a smaller penis but can manage to orgasm with PIV sex. My boyfriend is larger than I like but since he knows how to use foreplay it isn’t as bad as it could be.

  • sara

    I snorted when I read this. I’m having trouble convincing my teenage son to learn to drive. He would give a big thumbs up to an abstinence only driving class.

  • wmdkitty

    If he’s not ready, he’s not ready.

  • The_Physeter

    Ask anybody, and they’ll tell you they regret it! Don’t just take my word for it, ask them! And if they tell you they don’t regret it, it’s because they have a seriously dysfunctional marriage, because no happy couple would ever say that!
    I was a Christian for a long time…would I have fallen for something that ridiculous back then?

  • The_Physeter

    Yea, though I walk through the Meadows of Pornography and Herpes, I will fear no evil, for condom is with me. Thy rubber and thy lube, they comfort me.