A Dramatization of a Message Written on a Christian Forum

What happens when real actors read statements written on Christian forums?

Hilarity, that’s what:

Someone please save that anonymous child from his anonymous parents! Before all the fornicating begins!

By the way, Matthew 5:28 refers to committing adultery when you look at a woman lustfully. I remind you that it was used in reference to the five-year-old who wanted to buy flowers for a girl in his class.

(via gottakidtofeed)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • pg

    Hilarious. More of these, please!!

    • Timmah

      Go to You Tube, these guys have a whole channel full of these.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, TOWAN

        “how come we can’t speak monkey” is killing me, just killing me. omfg. .D

  • Timmah

    If all it takes is looking, I break Matthew 5:28 at least 50 times a day.

    • Greg G.

      Really? What do you do with the rest of the day?

      • Timmah

        In a 5 min trip to the cafeteria for some coffee, I prob break it at least 10 times along the way. It doesn’t take long for one’s sins to rack up when all you’re committing is thought crimes.

        • Wyrd Wiles

          Thought Crime. LoL. It’s like “1984: The New King James Edition”.

      • Pete

        I do not understand what that phrase means, “the rest of the day”. :-)

        • Greg G.

          Years ago, it was said that there was a study that showed me think about sex every 7 seconds. Everybody wondered what they thought about the other 6 seconds.

          • John Gills

            Me think so too.

      • Randay

        I spend my time coveting my neighbors’ goods. George Carlin explained that in his show on the 10 commandments. “‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors’ goods’. That is just plain stupid. Coveting thy neighbors’ goods is what keeps the economy going.”

        • Greg G.

          You can pray for a bicycle for years and not get one. If you steal your neighbor’s bicycle and pray for forgiveness, you are forgiven immediately. That’s how religion works.

    • Marisa Totten

      Isn’t the whole modeling industry (and Angelina Jolie’s career) built on breaking Matthew 5:28?

      • sane37

        only if you think

    • Jeff

      You aren’t putting in much of an effort, are you? Or you work with a lot of unattractive folks.

    • Dan Robinson

      I’m bisexual so I break it every time I encounter another human.
      Why just last sunday I watched football on TV and broke it at least 30,000 times. And that doesn’t even count the football players and cheerleaders. How many Hail Marys will absolve me from that? Maybe I can buy one giant indulgence. Better start saving up.

      • spammy

        Just follow the Pope on Twitter, absolution granted. Haha.

    • Jordan

      Exactly if thinking it is the same as doing it therefore sinning, I commit murder on a daily basis (generally directed at stupid people), I commit adultery I rape (when you think about having sex with the person you are looking at), but at the end of the day I find solace that instead of praying to a God that’s not there by brushing my teeth, getting in bed and phornicating with my fiancee in a blur of premarital sex.

    • cyb pauli

      50 times a day? Pfffffffft. Im on a college campus all day… with tumblr. :D

  • MNb

    The facial expressions of the guy are priceless.
    But I appreciate it less that Chopin is abused.

    • busterggi

      hey, do not mock the Red Skull’s theme music!

  • Chris Topher Hill

    Ha, i just broke it watching that video.

  • Pofarmer

    How do they keep a straight face. That is hilarious.

  • paulalovescats

    Why show a picture of a video then the video? Please stop it!! It seems like every website does that. Is it even up to you?

    • shockwaver

      I don’t know about anyone else – but I actually tend to appreciate it. My feed reader doesn’t often show youtube videos – so having a still image to go with the story can often give context.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Hemant Mehta

      It helps with RSS feeds and Facebook feeds where videos don’t show up, but images do!

  • Michaela Samuels

    Oh, God. My 5 year old has been giving me flowers since he was 2. What have I been encouraging this whole time?! Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!

    • observer

      It starts with the flowers, then comes the hugs, then the “I love you, mommy!”
      Next thing you know, all of civilization is in chaos and turmoil.

    • OhioAtheist

      Your son has probably caused a tornado in Nebraska.

    • LesterBallard

      Now that is Biblical!

    • LutherW

      Next he will be asking for a cut to be washed and a bandaid. I hope you are not a Christian Scientists[sic, sic sic]

  • Belinda Contague

    At least it was legible enough to read and make fun of–that’s a big leg up on most fundy posts.

  • Coolred38

    Gee…I started with this and ended up in flashmobs an hour later.

    • WallofSleep

      I can’t even begin to tell you how often I do that. This damn internet is a freaking time-sink.

      On the plus side, I am way better at answering Jeopardy! questions than I have ever been in my life.

    • Stev84

      The YouTube version of this:

      http://xkcd.com/214/

    • Michaela Samuels

      internets have a way with leading to flashmobs. it is the internets’ way.

    • Art_Vandelay

      Ah yes…the black hole of youtube related videos. I watched an old Violent Femmes performance earlier this week and then two hours later ended up falling in live with Lily Allen.

      • Insanitydividedby0

        I is how I’ve discovered about 90% of the bands that I like now.

  • gedeyenite

    Life is all about breaking Matthew 5:28!

  • WallofSleep

    Gateway to Fornication?!? I thought that was the I-15 going into Vegas.

  • busterggi

    I expect if the kid had wanted to buy flowers for another boy they’d have called in an exorcist.

  • grindstone

    I started out thinking wow, this is really mean to be making fun of, until she got to the part about breaking Matt 5:28 and a gateway to fornication……okay, lady, you’re just batshit crazy, ridicule away! Your son is five. FIVE.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Oh man…this one’s full of win too.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr2mjjSyvA4

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, TOWAN

      oh, jeez. they are comedy gold. why didn’t anyone ever tell me about this series before? “no one ever caught an ape.” lol

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZW4L5u77OA

      • Alierias

        OMFG these are hilarious! “No one ever caught an ape”…

      • diogeneslamp0

        Hilarious. But I wish they gave us the URL of the original, dumb source.

        • Rhiannon Parks

          If you go to the YouTube page, the link to the original source is in the video description :)

      • billybareblu

        Probably a Flat Earther too

    • LeftyFPB

      RAR CF #2: “If there were such a source of [external] energy, scientists would surely know about it.”

      http://youtu.be/T7rXSrYswtU

      • baal

        Yep, never looked outside during the day time I guess.

      • mimabo72

        I guess evolution picked up back end of her car I was driving the night before my g/f was killed in it the next day in the same car. Blind people have more vision than you atheists

    • mimabo72

      Cornball

  • http://www.rizzotees.com/ Chris @ Rizzo Tees

    Buying flowers for a girl is OK at any age.

  • Yoav

    Just call the girls parents and arrange a wedding, problem solved. That’s what jesus would have done [/snark]
    Now I’ll go vomit in my mouth a little.

  • CultOfReason

    LOL! I would love to see some of the real responses to that original post they were mocking.

  • averydashwood

    You can’t commit adultery if you’re not married. So, at least one of these tykes is already hitched.

    • Steven

      To many Christians, premarital sex is considered adultery. You are cheating on your future spouse.

    • GCBill

      I thought “adultery” can also refer to other forms of illegitimate sexual activity as well? At least, I’ve heard it used that way by some Christians.

    • UWIR

      Biblically, adultery is when a married woman has sex with someone other than her husband. Note that the Ten Commandments prohibit coveting someone else’s wife, but not someone else’s husband.

  • Stev84

    Clearly the kids have to get married now.

  • Gitte

    How do parents like that cope when their children have a serious issue to discuss with them? They should definitely not be allowed to parent teenagers.

  • dsmith

    In light of today’s same sex scandals in all Christian denominations from Catholic to fundamentalist, the leaders interpret Matthew as saying it is a sin to look lustfully at a woman….a man or boy…now that is totally different question.

  • Brooke Michelle

    I am fucking dying. Thank you for this.

    • Alierias

      I’ve had a vicious migrane for the last 2 days, and this is helping it!
      Thanks indeed!

  • Alierias

    THIS needed a Coffee Spit Warning — it’s HYSTERICAL >:D

  • primenumbers

    Thanks you ever so much. They’re some of the funniest videos I’ve seen.

  • baal

    Wow, this series does a hillarious job on pointing up the fundamental harm of being religious. It skews your ability to deal with reality. “should i really delete a duplicate 10 commands doc?”(#3)

    EDIT, heh #3 is linked in another comment. I should read them all before commenting ;p.

  • rupi capra

    Poe. Not to spoil the fun, but this isn’t real folks.It’s too over the top for even Rapture Ready, which has deleted it.

  • Jonas

    #firstworldproblems

    • Itarion

      Check it. #stupidproblems
      Asthma is a first world problem. Allergies are first world problems. Surface air pollution is a first world problem. Being afraid you 5 year old son is going to go around screwing everything that moves is a stupid problem.

  • stankythought

    the annoying ads on the right are made funnier by the commercial for the Mormons, lol!

  • mimabo72

    your video is so full of garbage. Nothing cuter than a little boy learning at an early age to be a gentleman and young girl accepting them with lady like thank you. Instead of having your son grow up to be a womanizing pig. Have to remember we have all fallen short, and are sinners, it is by grace we are save and John 3:16 as well comes into play & repent you sins. If you think you walk on water without the Lord, you surely will drown in the future in a pit of sorrow if you don’t change your ways.

    • Carmelita Spats

      Quit reading fiction like nonfiction…God in one hand, shit in the other and see which gets filled up quicker. No, I have not fallen short but my neighbor is so short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass. So your God is “gonna git me”? LOL! I’m afraid that would be like trying to shove butter up a wildcat’s ass with a hot poker. God would do well to sandpaper a bobcat’s ass in a phone booth than mess with me. If you are going to make ugly threats on an atheist blog, you might as well cite Jonathan Edwards B-grade slasher porn titled “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”…Fundamngelicals love the titillating voyeurism…

      http://www.ccel.org/ccel/edwards/sermons.sinners.html

      Your imaginary friend is a helluva lot like that six foot alligator that swallowed a thirteen foot python and then exploded…

      http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4313978.stm

      In the world of fiction, he’s just like Captain Underpants: he ain’t worth the powder and fuse it would take to blow him up.

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      Thanks for the threats on behalf of your imaginary friend. If he didn’t have terrified peons like you to threaten us, we would never get threatened, and that couldn’t possibly stand, now could it? I mean, if you couldn’t threaten people, how in the world could you survive? How could you possibly feel superior to others and work out your incredible narcissism without that kind of behavior? But then I remember that you use threats because you understand threats. These threats are what you think work on people. And then I feel very sympathetic suddenly. It must be just dreadful to be you.

      In summary, please take your “prince of peace” and “religion of love” and stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine until you can adequately, credibly, objectively prove that a supernatural realm exists, that there is some afterlife awaiting humans, that you know what that afterlife looks like, and that any sentient being needs to worry about torture at the hands of any particular gods (whose existence you also need to adequately, credibly, objectively demonstrate). Watch out for that first step; it’s a doozy!

  • faithnomore

    so what if the one being looked at AND the one looking are both not married? That is still adultery per the bible…so all those Christians..how the heck did they end up married if they were not looking lustfully?

  • mimabo72

    First of all Carmelita, I find your rhetoric obnoxious, wait until the car someone dies in is lifted up in the air on the rear of the car and shoved forward up a hill, that is not read that is experienced. No, you are going to get your own self into peril. Such a mighty strong woman, all muscle and no intelligence. I have met physicians who strongly believed in God, praying before they did surgery. God is a spirit, not made of matter like you think. You are example of a woman who hasn’t gotten some wish fulfilled and not are angry at God. It is a shame that you feel that way. What does sex have to do with conversation. Trying to impress someone with the French language. I have forgotten the French, still fluent in sign language and some knowledge Spanish and Chinese. None of that has anything to do with this conversation.

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      I can feel your Christian love from here. Oh wait. I’m thinking of your abuse, hate, and fear. Dang, I always get those things mixed up.

  • Corey

    This is how they train actors for dramatizations.

  • rabbers

    Jesus – the trials of the middle-classes, how do they cope.