Heathen Holiday Card Giveaway!

Now that Thanksgiving is upon us, it’s time to kick off this year’s Heathen Holiday Cards!

As you may recall, last year, we posted readers’ best/funniest/most irreverent/warmest non-religious holiday cards.

We wanted to kick off the 2013 holiday season by featuring some cards that our readers are selling. The reason this particular post is going up earlier this year (Yes, guys, I read your gripes that the call-out for cards was too damn early. I hear your complaints) is because I wanted to give readers a chance to sell their cards, and they’ll likely need a couple weeks to get them out to you.

Not only did we get responses, we had some generous offers for giveaways!

Let’s start with those.

First up: Noble Works Cards

They have a bevy of irreverent cards for sale, like this one:

There are plenty more to be had, and you — yes YOU! — can be the proud owner of a set of your very own!

Noble Cards Works is giving away three gift certificates for $25, $50 and $75, good for any cards on the site. (Seriously, with a $75 certificate, you may never need to buy cards again!)

To enter the contest, just leave a comment below with the hashtag #HeathenHolidayCards1 (We’ll contact the random winners soon)!

Next up is SecularGreetings.com, a site that was featured in last year’s series.

There are a handful of holiday cards and some for a few other occasions, as well.


Leave a comment below with the hashtag #HeathenHolidayCards2 below, and you can win a set of cards from the site!

There are also a few other cards created by readers that are available for sale:

Two Crow Press has a few “Season’s Greetings” cards, like this one:

Dan Milberg has a few holiday cards for sale and, as much as it pains me to say it due to my immense and vaguely inappropriate adoration for Christmas music, this one made me chuckle:

And, finally, some awesome ornaments from reader Jordana:

Now your tree can be touched by His Noodly Appendage!

Thank you to everyone who has submitted their cards so far. Please support your fellow readers and give their various pages your custom.

If you have cards or holiday accoutrements that you wish to sell or just share, please don’t hesitate to send links and images to HeathenHolidayCards@gmail.com. We’ll continue to share them as we get closer to Christmas.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • JT Rager

    Does stating #HeathenHolidayCards1 in a hashtag do anything on Disqus?

    Love the cards!

  • Erin Ashworth

    Love the cards!!! #HeathenHolidayCards1

  • Kara Hetland


  • Stephanie W.


  • Tim Lawler


  • Heidi

    #HeathenHolidayCards1 My secular crafters facebook group is having a heathen holiday card exchange! So far we have seen some pretty awesome ones!

  • ErickaQ

    Love the cards! Happy Holidays :-) #HeathenHolidayCards1 #HeathenHolidayCards2

  • Shane Corbett


  • Eddie Bailey

    Yes, please! #HeathenHolidayCards1

  • Brian C Posey

    I’m sorry you saw me Timmy. Now I’ll have to kill you.


  • Russie G.

    Who crucify me for heresy, I’m in!

  • Mitch

    “FSM bless us, every one.” #HeathenHolidayCards1 #HeathenHolidayCards2

  • RTH

    There’s probably no Santa. Now stop worrying and enjoy your Christmas.


  • Zuzanna

    I enjoyed the first lot the most. I suppose I like to laugh at my holiday cards and those ones did just that. I loved the one with the Queen and the ‘Magic word’ one the most. Somehow, they spoke to me… I worry… #HeathenHolidayCards1

  • Danny Lee Turner II

    It wouldbe funny to see the families faces when they open these. #heathenholidaycards1 #heathenholidaycards2

  • Jean

    Oh, the FSM ornament is the best!! :D

  • Dave S.

    I just bought some Noble Works cards for this year! They have some good ones!
    #HeathenHolidayCards1 #HeathenHolidayCards2

  • Chance Rummel

    Time for some holiday proselytizing and agitating with some awesome Heathen cards. God Bless u guys!

  • Scott McCullough

    I think this would actually get me to send out cards again. #HeathenHolidayCards1 #HeathenHolidayCards2

  • Breezanemom

    I don’t send out holiday cards, but these could change that way of thinking! #HeathenHolidayCards1 #HeathenHolidayCards2

  • Dan Robinson

    The Devil is tempting me to send one of these to my fundy sister.

  • Jim T

    Excellent cards….I laughed

  • Brian C Posey

    Santa is just an anagram of Satan … Hmmmmm.


  • Ashley Flinn

    Thanks for featuring my letterpress cards and prints! I also have a Happy Winter Solstice card for the astronomy-minded :) https://www.etsy.com/listing/116984732/letterpress-happy-winter-solstice-card?ref=shop_home_active


  • Archie R. Whitehill

    Well Dang! That birth looked downright painful!


  • Lurker111

    The first card reminded me of this Jesus & Mo:


    • Taneli Huuskonen

      Her: Oh God, oh God, oh GOD!
      Him: Mary, I’m Joe!

  • allein

    I’m a stationery addict…That gift certificate would come in handy :)


  • peknud

    I stopped sending out cards years ago but I might start up again with these wonderful examples.

  • Tess Rolwes

    I love them! Awesome!