God Remains Inexplicably Deaf to Rick Santorum’s Prayers (Again): ‘The Christmas Candle’ Bombs at the Box Office

Max Lucado is a Texas preacher and writer with 80 million books in print, including Just Like Jesus and When God Whispers Your Name.

Rick Santorum is the über-Catholic former Senator from Pennsylvania who, after losing his bid for re-election in 2006, made a failed presidential run, and then announced he would start a film company to make good old-fashioned, pro-Christian, family-friendly fare. He’s on record as calling Hollywood “the devil’s playground.”

Let’s see if these two were made for each other. (No, not that way.) Santorum produced a treacly Hallmark-meets-Dickens period movie, in theaters now, based on Lucado’s The Christmas Candle.

Here’s the trailer:

YouTube Preview Image

The critics have shown themselves somewhere between lukewarm and ice cold.

Wrote Mary Houlihan in the Chicago Sun-Times:

Despite some fine production values, lovely photography and smart casting of a range of British stage and screen actors, “The Christmas Candle” can’t quite move beyond the weary metaphors. It has the feel of a slick television movie.

Randy Cordova in the Arizona Republic:

The whole thing is sentimental corn, which isn’t bad if it’s handled with conviction and sincerity. But the direction by John Stephenson (better known for special effects than directing) is resolutely stiff and hollow. That’s murder for a movie dealing with miracles.

Louis Black in the Austin Chronicle:

A confused mishmash of testaments to the importance of good acts and neighborly actions vs. the power of blind spiritual faithThe Christmas Candle comes out in favor of them all.

Nicolas Rapold in the New York Times:

The residents of the English village Gladbury … might as well be bustling about in a snow globe for all their dimples, yuletide obsession and quaint, consumptive coughs.

But the best, laugh-out-loud-funny line about the Christmas Candle came from a YouTube commenter, WildwoodClaire1, who opined:

The target demographic for this cinematic ipecac appears to be those among us who consider electricity dangerously modern, if not a radical harbinger of rampant atheism.

Of course, none of this matters to Santorum, who would like to bypass the “elitist” media and create a grassroots, word-of-mouth audience of legions of enthusiastic Christians. Has he succeeded?

According to Box Office Mojo, from its limited November 15 premiere through this past Sunday, The Christmas Candle grossed a dismal $1,600,000, despite the fact that the release was timed to cash in on the two big movie-going weekends around Thanksgiving. More than three dozen U.S. theaters dropped the film after just one full week, which helped push down ticket sales in weekend three by 53.5 percent over sales in weekend two. Absent a divine miracle, that means it will be a dud of rarely-seen proportions.

Color me surprised. I mean, if the name Santorum doesn’t conjure up frolicsome adventurousness and breathless joy, I don’t know what will.

About Terry Firma

Terry Firma, though born and Journalism-school-educated in Europe, has lived in the U.S. for the past 20-odd years. Stateside, his feature articles have been published in the New York Times, Reason, Rolling Stone, Playboy, and Wired. Terry is the founder and Main Mischief Maker of Moral Compass, a site that pokes fun at the delusional claim by people of faith that a belief in God equips them with superior moral standards.

  • Katatonic

    “…if the name Santorum doesn’t conjure up frolicsome adventurousness and breathless joy…”

    This, in conjunction with Dan Savage’s newer definition of the term “santorum”, has made me so happy.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Sorry…I was waiting for the porn version to be released. Incidentally…also called “The Christmas Candle.”

    • paulalovescats

      I was typing my last sentence, and I looked down at your comment, and damn if I lost my train of thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Rain

    I think it’s wonderful.

    • Amor DeCosmos

      why? how? what? is wonderful about the movie?

      • TCC

        I suspect that Rain means that the movie bombing is wonderful, not the movie itself. If not, then the above downvotes are merited.

        • Spuddie

          It bombed so bad Curtis LeMay and Arthur Harris asked it for advice

  • Gus

    So best I can tell the moral of the story is: “Electricity bad!”

    • busterggi

      We’ve come a long way from “Fire bad.”

      • outofmi

        Well, Santorum is from the party that would like to restore slavery.

  • MeliSsa Bayes

    While this movie is quite crap, the thing that saddens me more is that Sylvester McCoy,the seventh Doctor is in it.

    • The Other Weirdo

      Yeah, but so is Ben Kingsley in BloodRayne. At the end of the day, however, a paycheque is a paycheque.

      • busterggi

        Penance for his version of the Mandarin?

        • The Other Weirdo

          First, what is his version of the Mandarin to do with BloodRayne.

          Second, not everybody in the whole wide world is so hard-core about what are ultimately a few doodles on a page that they can’t handle something a little different.

          Third, he and he alone is responsible for every last thing about that character?

          • Spuddie

            Am I the only one who kinda liked the Ben Kingsley Mandarin ?

            • JenL

              I kinda liked him, but then again I haven’t ever read the source materials….

              • The Other Weirdo

                Nor should you have to. The movies aren’t just made for comic book freaks, they are made for everyone who likes sci-fi and fantasy. That’s what the comic book freaks always fail to understand, they are not the end all and be all of the movie market. If it can stand on its own two feet, it’s good. You shouldn’t have to have read 30 years of comic books which, incidentally, change characterization and entire continuities every few years anyway.

              • Spuddie

                The mandarin was really more of a name check for comic book fans. It had no relation to the source, nor would it work well if they did (the character is rooted in very dated cold war stereotypes). The movie’s version was a semi-clever commentary of the unreality of Bin Laden as a real life comic book/James Bond villan.

            • Korou

              I thought he was one of the best bits of the movie. And it wasn’t a bad movie!

            • The Other Weirdo

              The Mandarin did what his actor did best: act.

  • GeraardSpergen

    So it appears Santorum’s involvement is just choosing which stories to make into movies and then funding the production? For a spectacular fail, he should act in them as well… that’d be some great footage to mock on the internet.

    • cecilia

      anything that makes sucktorum sad makes me do the Happy Dance

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    The preview didn’t look as bad as these sorts of preachy things usually are. Competent actors and nice looking visuals. But it did look dull and predictable. It may have a second life on cable tv channels in future holiday seasons.

    • Dave Haaz-Baroque

      It actually did look very pretty. I couldn’t ENTIRELY tell what it was about (wait – so is trying to give modern electricity to the church… bad?), but had I not known the source I probably would have watched it a while out of curiosity had I caught it while flipping channels.

    • Dale

      I am not sure of the production budget for the movie, but it sounds expensive. This makes me wonder how the movie was expected to be profitable? The film is actually doing okay at the box office. Although it has only grossed $1.6 million nationwide, that figure came from a limited release (392 theaters.) At $2,923 per screen, this is an acceptable return.
      But….if only 400 theaters show the film, it won’t make much money before Christmas is over. Traffic will surely tank at that point.

      I suppose the idea is to make the profit from DVDs of the movie. Airings on cable television also seems likely. But is this enough to cover what appears to be a costly movie? Finding out, two or three years from now, might be interesting.

  • http://batman-news.com Anton

    “And ye shall be panned of all reviewers for my name’s sake…”

  • Richard Thomas

    Dammit Hans Matheson… Now I won’t be able to enjoy the Tudors anymore.

  • James Jackson

    Is… is that former internet sensation and Britain’s Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle in the teaser poster image?

    I am SOOO getting this on DVD for a “Mystery Science Theater 3000″-style riffing party.

    • paulalovescats

      Yes, it is.

    • God’s Starship

      Yes. She’s not very bright so I’m willing to give her an out…. she may not know what she’s gotten herself into.

      • cecilia

        hey, DON’T blame the actors! If they got paid that’s what matters.

        it’s the director who is responsible for the film being garbage or art.

        I’ve worked on my share of crappy films, but I did the best job I could.

        • outofmi

          I’ll bet the checks bounced.

          • Randay

            My Xmas wish to Santa this year is that Santorum invested his own money in this production and lost a bundle.

      • C

        Susan Boyle has a learning disability due to oxygen deprivation at birth, so I guess it’s a bit more complicated than just being “not very bright”.

    • busterggi

      Mysties, don’t confuse them with Moonies!

    • Dale

      One of the criticisms of the movie is that, although it features Susan Boyle and Samantha Barks, neither one is given the big musical number.

  • LIBERTIES2DAY

    REALLY ?? Not according to God.Sorry but NONE of your “Box Office” smashes have produced something The Christmas Candle DID :Miracles in peoples LIVES!

    But how could you possibly know anything of this- of the Cancer that got healed ,or the person saved from Suicide ,or the person whom found HOPE again-something YOUR offerings simply dont HAVE.

    HOPE. You dont know even know what that is, nor can you offer it and something else you morons are blind to , because you think you know it all is this :

    HOW MANY PEOPLE desperately WANT to see The Christmas Candle (like myself whom is Canadian) not just in various States in the USA , but also many countries around the world -however, Two problems;

    One …your Godless Leader whom is doing all he can to prevent God from existing in the USA, Hollywood, whom controls all the STUDIOS and Theatres and decides what “offerings” they want to shove down peoples throats , so they have INTENTIONALLY deprived MANY towns and cities across the USA , from showing the Movie.

    How would YOU like to be FORCED to have to drive 2 hours to see a Movie , because your own STATE wont allow the Movie ?

    You think thats fair …for ANYONE ? Especially with DANGEROUS driving Conditions in winter?

    Also ….lack of ADVERTISING , so those whom DO find out about it , another way, and WANT to see it -sadly discover its already left.

    Oh and by the way you “know it alls”…..your looking at the WRONG “reviews”.

    Most of those are AETHIEST or Paid “Professional Reviewers” usually handed a perk by a competing studio to diss someone else, and these are also shallow, materialistic, cold hearted Godless soul-less individuals whom have no ounce of compassion in them.

    The REAL reviews , come from those whom have actually SEEN the Movie and shocker of shockers, ( because your all looking in the WRONG place) its been on TWITTER (Tweets of people raving about it ) FACEBOOK The Christmas Candle, Rick Santorum and Im Going to the Christmas Candle Movie .

    There you will be OVERWHELMED by all the FIVE stars, “I want to see this Movie again” Best Movie Ive ever seen “, Best Christmas Movie”, “This deserves to be a Classic”…

    THOUSANDS of raving Comments… by regular folks whom are disgusted with the “Worldy Reviews” because THEYVE actually seen it and many of them SEVERAL times.

    So please…if YOU think all those shallow , callous “Professional Reviewers” speak for the opinions of the Rest of the Country YOUR WRONG and you all desperately need an ATTITUDE CHECK because your arrogance is of no benefit to anyone ….and one more thing:

    If you think for one second that myself or many who think like me are even remotely INTERESTED in the sewage that Hollywood has to offer ,, like YOU want me to get excited about and is FORCED apon me , while what I & many others actually HUNGER FOR, we are intentionally DEPRIVED from getting , THINK AGAIN!

    Ive seen what all that sewage has done to those whom ingest it and all of YOU here today are the examples of that. You are all the FRUIT of it .

    WHO WOULD POSSIBLY WANT TO BE LIKE ANY OF YOU ? You have nothing DECENT to offer to anyone.

    There is no moral fibre in your body , you’re despicably arrogant, have no soul, no “anything”, are materialistic, Shallow and only focused on tearing each other into little pieces and destroying as many people as you can …….and you call that BENEFICIAL to Society?

    You …want others to be like ALL OF YOU ??

    FIlthy despeicable worms, dregs of society whom only know how to be shallow, cruel and cold TO EACH OTHER ?

    Thats what YOUR “offerings” that you try to get ME excited about PRODUCE.

    Clones of pieces of filth like you ! You have no interest in anything PURE, beautiful, wholesome, warm and healthy …and you have the audacity to think that I would be interested in something that would only turn me into someone like MOST OF YOU ???

    Another surprise for you all:

    God Remains Inexplicably Deaf to ALL OF YOU as well.Dont try and pretend that “all is well ” in the USA , the Economy, “Obamacare , “Main Street” ,”Wall Street “etc -because you are all being LIED to, and you are all living in a delusion if you think for one second that your country is going to be “BLESSED” & Prosper while you have a 24 /7 Pathological Liar running your country.

    God doesnt BLESS Pathological Liars and it is NOT His intent to BLESS the Usa.
    Matter of fact , HIS Plans are to allow it to go to RUIN and decay-with a full Economic Collapse coming soon… and soon a Foreign Force will be invading her shores -because you see USA told God to “get lost” so …….thats what He did.
    He is giving you what you want ,HES TURNED HIS BACK but problem is that , you will all truly find out , what life REALLY is like without God in it, because what takes over and DOMINATES is the DEMONIC -100%.
    And believe me , NONE of you , not even Obama has the ability or “power” to combat the DEMONIC .
    So…..your wrong if you think that Obama will be your “God” whom will “protect” you, because you see, the GOD in the Universe has OTHER Plans and ones that YOU are powerless against, including “terrifying darkness” to shroud your Country and the world , famine, disease, barren-ness, deprivation , gut wrenching poverty , starvation. Sorry . But ….if you REPENT , ask Christ to be YOUR LORD , He will rescue you, protect you Supernaturally and Provide for you Supernaturally …
    If you dont …………………good luck trying to fight Satan. You will lose.

    • Sven2547

      Not sure if serious…

      • Gus

        I’m upvoting it as the funniest Poe of the day. Even if it’s real, it still amounts to hilarious, if unwitting, satire.

        • diogeneslamp0

          Me too. I’d upvote Hitler if he made me laugh this hard. Granted, Hitler was more tolerant…

          • Peter Naus

            And he didn’t abuse the punctuation or CAPS LOCK KEYS!

    • Gus

      Wow. So. Much. Wrong.

    • Matt Potter

      Well that escalated quickly, happy holidays!

    • ZenDruid

      tl;dr

      • http://batman-news.com Anton

        “too loony; didn’t read”?

      • Drew M.

        You really should, though. It’s comedy gold!

        • ZenDruid

          This sort of thing belongs on FSTDT… I swore off that site many moons ago, had to do with me blood pressure.

        • Neko

          Thank you, LIBERTIES2DAY, whom made me laugh and laugh!

    • koseighty

      Whom wouldn’t want to see this movie?

      • baal

        aaarrrgh. Stop it!

    • Gus

      OK, I can’t help myself. Let me just point out a couple of logical failures on your part: you suggest that the professional reviewers may be biased for a number of reasons and don’t necessarily represent the views of most people. That’s entirely reasonable. Then you go on and suggest that a self selected sample of people on Facebook and Twitter represent an unbiased sample. That’s just dead wrong. It’s almost certain that the people who bother to review this on Twitter or Facebook are biased in its favor, but there is a fairly unbiased sample: number of tickets bought. Box office receipts. And they’re bad.

      You also suggested that there are states that are not allowing the movie to be shown. If there’s any evidence at all for that, it would be a slam dunk lawsuit for Santorum and his production company. Don’t think for a second he wouldn’t be suing.

      The rest of your rant is just incoherent raving, as far as I can tell. I’m picturing you in sack cloth, covered in dirt, with unkempt hair and beard, wandering the streets screaming at people who aren’t there.

      • paulalovescats

        Hey, don’t insult John the Baptist! Heathen, you’re going straight to hell!

    • diogeneslamp0

      YOU are a person WHOM does not understand that “whom” IS a pronoun object. As for “hope”, we have more hope THAN you do. I HOPED Obama would win and Santorum’s movie WOULD bomb, and both came TO pass. You LIKE random capitalization and then you DON’T capitalize “Usa.” Thank you FOR representing THE sanity and punctuation OF conservative Christians.

      P.S. “and soon a Foreign Force will be invading her shores.” The Canadians gonna invade, you mean? Now you’re scaring us. Do the tops of Canadians’ heads flap about above the bottom of their heads like in South Park? “Don’t pay attention to Scott. He’s a dick.”

      • baal

        you are a person who does not understand; not whom
        you are you (who); it’s still the doer and not an object

        yes, i correct grammar while eschewing full punctuation
        i may have missed on reading you though.

        • diogeneslamp0

          Whom are you to criticize my grammar? Clones of pieces of filth. FIlthy despeicable worms, dregs of society!

          • paulalovescats

            HAHAHAHA, what is a clone of a piece of filth?? I hope that becomes a meme!

          • CanuckAmuck

            “Clones of Pieces of Filth”…

            …if that ain’t a name for a punk band, I don’t know what is.

          • Raymond

            Grammar nazis such as these are people up with whom I will not put.

          • Peter Naus

            Your mother was your father, and your hamster smells of ELDERBERRIES!

      • CanuckAmuck

        Meet me by the tree in Edmonton, and we’ll talk.

    • Zeke

      Clones of pieces of filth – unite!

      • CanuckAmuck

        Honestly? – The more I say it, the better that phrase gets. We need to put that on a T-shirt.

        • Drew M.

          I burst out laughing when I read it. Subconsciously reading it in Steve Martin’s voice only made it better!

          http://youtu.be/M2FmDysvDr8

          • busterggi

            Ah the memories of watching that with my kids and saying most of the dialogue ourselves.

          • Peter Naus

            Not my first pick. I distinctly heard it in the French soldier’s voice, from ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail”…

            “I wave my private parts at your aunties. I blow my nose in your general direcction, you dirty pig-dogs. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!”

    • L.G. Keltner

      Thanks for the laugh! Your use of capitalization is particularly amusing.

    • OverlappingMagisteria

      Overly patriotic name.
      Random words capitalized or in ALL CAPS.
      Non-sensical punctuation ;.
      Paranoid persecution, dismissal of majority of culture, and proselytization.

      You’re so close to doing a spot on impersonation! All that was missing was more misspelings. Turn off spell check and you’ll be all set! 9/10!

      • http://batman-news.com Anton

        No points for misspelling the misspelling of ATHEIST? I thought that showed initiative.

      • MineApostasy

        I just clicked on the username, and, well, I don’t think it’s a Poe.

      • Drew M.

        Hrm. I think the misuse of “whom” in an effort to sound intelligent more than makes up for the lack of misspellings.

        • Mario Strada

          I loved the “whom”. It told me almost everything I needed to know about the writer right there.

      • Brian K

        Don’t forget “professional reviewers”. Nothing beats putting quotes around something objectively factual (reviewers do, after all, get paid).

    • LJinFLA

      I’m sorry could you repeat that please?

    • MineApostasy

      It’s just too perfect to be real. Christmas came early.

    • http://batman-news.com Anton

      I only made it as far as There is no moral fibre in your body.

      • allein

        Well, most of us could probably benefit from more fiber in our diets, to be fair…

        • Mario Strada

          But then we would be as full of shit as he is…
          I think he should lay off the moral fiber for a while. It must be hell to live with this guy, farting all day.

    • diogeneslamp0

      “USA told God to “get lost” so …….thats what He did.”

      Wait, I thought god was everywhere.

      “You will lose.”

      Like Mitt Romney? Like Santorum did at the ballot box, and then at the box office?

    • Svelaz

      Wow, that’s actually a nice rant. As far as ranting goes I give it an upvote. It was….HILARIOUS!!!

      • Gus

        I think LIBERTIES2DAY could have their own blog. Or at least a Tumblr. Wait, maybe someone should make a crazy comment rants Tumblr….

      • busterggi

        As did I, nothing on Cracked today came close.

    • averydashwood

      “your Godless Leader whom is doing all he can to prevent God from existing in the USA, Hollywood, whom controls all the STUDIOS and… blah, blah, blah”

      Wait a minute; I thought it was supposed to be the liberal Jews who did all that. I am so confused now.

      • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

        Well, Obama is a liberal Jew,…. also a fascist Muslim, black-liberation atheist, anti-colonial hindu, and I believe 1/16 Zoroastrian communist on his mother’s side.

        • Mario Strada

          You forgot the Kenyan part.

        • cecilia

          and probably loves the FSM :)

      • Peter Naus

        The liberal Jews WHOM did all that. Tsk, tsk, tsk…

    • diogeneslamp0

      “There is no moral fibre in your body.”

      Now that’s just not fair. Every day I have a teaspoon of moral Metamucil dissolved in tapwater.

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      Random all caps words I-7. Anti-obamacare comment O-7. Weird use of periods I-1. (Damn.) USA lost to God. N-7. Misspelling of the word ‘Atheist’. G-7. Demonic-100%, that B-7. Bingo!!!

    • paulalovescats

      Why do CHRISTIANS think they’re REALLY GOING TO PERSUADE PEOPLE by YELLING? It’s you’re looking, twit, not your looking. YOU’RE a walking stereotype. BTW…I spent 45 YEARS IN CHURCH and I’ve seen BOTH SIDES. YOU’RE crazy. And please learn how to spell A-T-H-E-I-S-T. And, ooooo, the demonic? What is a demonic?

      • MD

        The demonic is someone with a edukashion.

      • Sweetredtele

        Why, a demonic is the harmonic to a note in the Devil’s Interval.

      • Guest

        Not proof of anything, really. Not truth, especially!

    • CanuckAmuck

      “You …want others to be like ALL OF YOU ??

      FIlthy despeicable worms, dregs of society whom only know how to be shallow, cruel and cold TO EACH OTHER ?”

      Yes, if only we were as kind and loving as you.

    • Moose McNuggets

      Citations, please?

    • allein

      If you’re serious, please read and learn: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/who_vs_whom

      If you’re not serious, well, good job, I guess…

    • brian schneider

      Thanks for the laugh, that was truly hilarious.
      BTW you have a truly Christian attitude.
      (in case you don’t understand my comment, it’s not a compliment)

    • God’s Starship

      I don’t know if you’re a poe or not but I got bored and gave up on your post.

    • Chris Muir

      LIBERTIES2DAY: You really think miracles can be bought and sold like candles – or movie tickets? Sorry, but you have a really materialistic version of Christianity. Methinks you’re the one that should be seeking repentance.

    • Mario Strada

      To poe or not to poe?
      After reading previous posts, methinks not poe, sadly. Hilarious anyway. It takes either profound ignorance or a truly manic personality to write something so discombobulated.
      My suggestion for next time is to keep the ranting a bit shorter. As entertaining as the post was, its length made it hard for me to read the entire thing. I felt like I was taking a ride in Charlie Manson mind.

      By the way, English is my second language. I’d be mortified if I wrote like that and made so many gross mistakes. I thought Canadian schools were better than that.

    • busterggi

      You forgot to capitalize one particular letter but, being evil, I’m not going to tell you which one.

    • Neko

      I’m so not worried about my Usa–I’m sure the Episcopalians will bless it.

    • Peter Naus

      A+ for effort.
      C- for spelling.
      F for punctuation and misuse of case
      F- for originality
      F- for continuity.
      Lithium for the voices in your head.
      Overall, that’s a D-. Go see the headmaster, and wait in his office.

      • MineApostasy

        I was really contemplating printing it out and going over it with a red pen like I was marking it — so I could post the final result for posterity, of course — but i realised it would take so much more time and effort than my actual marking…

    • outofmi

      Jesus, try decaf.

    • outofmi

      Mayor Ford, is that you? Good God, that must be some bad crack you’re smoking.

    • Pattrsn

      Nice poe, bit long

    • Matt D

      We both know you’re going to flee from this post after you make it, so I have nothing to say to you.

  • Sven2547

    cinematic ipecac

    I am totally stealing this.

    • Marlon

      Me, too.

  • Rob

    Sam Barks! What on earth were you thinking? Sad day :-(

  • AFabulousAtlantanAtheist

    So it lives up to his name then; Who would have expected anything less than a frothy mixture of a movie!

  • Dave The Sandman

    I wish to hell Mark Kermode, top rank UK film review merchant, would get his teeth into this.
    His review channel on YouTube and columns are a screech fest of savagery.
    Methinks this could get on his “Worst of 2013″ list if he did see it.

    • MD

      Oh, yes, please!

  • diogeneslamp0

    Wow this movie has high production values. Santorum must’ve hired a lot of gays to do the makeup, hair and costumes.

    Maybe the same gays that made Kirk Cameron’s career?

  • Bruno Cuksts

    Leave these people to make whatever movies they, Like everything else, they will rise or fall on their merits. Its just being nasty pointing out how bad the thing is, It has nothing at all to do with the validity of their beliefs or opinions, it`s just bad art.

    • MD

      Just everyone else, when output a movie out, you must also face criticism (good or bad) of your work. What, we shouldn’t say something is unbearably boring pap whose only virtue is providing work for a film crew, only because it’s a Christian film?
      Battleship Earth was a Scientology movie. That’s. To what made it bad. The heavy handed directing, acting, the story and the dialogue made it bad. And that looks to be the case with The Christmas Candle as well.

    • busterggi

      Sure, you’d say the same for ‘Ishtar’ too.

    • Pattrsn

      You might have had a point if the entire purpose of this movie want the validation of their beliefs.

  • diogeneslamp0

    “There is no moral fibre in your body.”

    Now that’s not fair. Every day I have a teaspoon of moral Metamucil dissolved in tapwater.

    • The Other Weirdo

      How do you know it’s moral?

      • Spuddie

        Because the resultant poops are righteous!

  • paulalovescats

    “Family friendly”? Anyone under 50 would be bored OUT OF HIS OR HER MIND to watch this. I love the “snow globe” review. Just plain cheesy. No wonder kids like other stuff, if this is a “Christian” movie.

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      Well, it is family friendly in once sense. Let’s say, you take your lovely date to go see this movie. You look around the theater, and you’re the only ones there. (From the earnings figures, this is statistically likely event.) The theater gets dark. Now there are two ways of passing the time. The first is to watch the movie. And well, that really isn’t an option. And the second way…. well, let’s say it’s how families are made.

      • busterggi

        Is extra popcorn butter required?

    • Monaka der Hund

      Are you implying that people over 50 like it? If so, I am deeply offended. Not that I watched it, or even the trailer.

  • Brian T Hall

    any kind of Art is about understanding humanity, any time you try and stop understanding humanity and use superstitious religious rhetoric for cinematic language, it tends to back fire. Why? well, Cinema is a very evidence visual arts base craft, that means you have to work really, really, hard to convince the audience that the subject matter really matters or is really their.. It starts with a really well crafted scrip… Rick Santorum dose not understand that you have to use reality and story telling to tell a story that matters… Rick seems to think reality is the devils hands, and he trying to stop reality from being your friend. wile reality is really truly your his and ours true friend… fighting reality is like fighting water and air. if you defeat water and air, your end up losing or even worst you end up dead, because water and air is what creates life…

  • Drew M.

    I’m still gobsmacked that YouTube fostered such a brilliant comment.

    • CanuckAmuck

      WildwoodClaire does some good stuff.

  • Moose McNuggets

    You mean you don’t know what the name “Santorum” conjures?

  • Matt Bowyer

    I’m waiting for Santorum to say that the film’s failure is a test of his faith, or some other rationalization.

  • bamcintyre

    Still a better love story than “Twilight.”

    • kpatterson

      Nah. I think this is the one story that sucks harder than even Twilight.

  • Marcus Aurelius Girl

    Haa

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    I wonder if Santorum will take this as some sort of satanic conspiracy to block a good wholesome christian film. The best thing I can say about horrible christian cinema, redundant I know, is that they are fun to riff on.

  • Fred

    Anyone know how much they blew on the making of this.

  • Mario Strada

    Can somebody confirm that light bulbs always blow up like that when there is a short?
    I would guess that at the time the odds of a light system not working would be more lack of power than anything else. Also, the filament is so tiny that I don’t think it could explode the bulb so dramatically anyway. After all, a light bulb is a fuse. It just burns the filament and goes dark.

    Can somebody with more knowledge of electrical devices confirm this?

    • CanuckAmuck

      They can if they were made by the same company that, in the future, went on to make starship consoles.

    • Gus

      I’ve never seen a standard incandescent bulb do that. The only time I’ve seen anything like it is if they had been on for some time and got hit with something cold, like a squirt of water. I have seen high wattage halogen bulbs explode dramatically. What I don’t know is what old lighting technology was really like. I’d imagine that this is pretty unlikely since the bulbs probably were fairly low wattage. You’d need a combination of a lot of power and a weak glass envelope. Maybe a big voltage spike on the line could do it, and I’m sure voltage wasn’t particularly well regulated in the early days.

      I agree that it’s unlikely, more likely is the filaments simply burning up or the bulbs not getting adequate power. Heck, it seems more likely to me that the bulbs would draw too much power and overheat the wires resulting in a fire in the walls than this. But I wouldn’t rule it out as an absolute impossibility.

      But come on, its dramatic!

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      2 sources here:

      1st, my husband, who is a real jack-of-all-trades, who has informed me that no, light bulbs don’t blow up; the filaments just burn out. But his knowledge involves only modern light bulbs.

      2nd source is a book I have about Thomas Edison that has a chapter about his adventures with electric lights; the chapter talks a lot about filaments burning out, but never mentions them exploding. I don’t see how they could, honestly. From the description of how he was making the bulbs, an explosion would be all but impossible. It’s important to note that the biggest advance in his work was realizing he had to pump oxygen out of the light bulb (the oxygen was making the filaments burn up way too quickly and go dark); until he learned to get the air out of the bulbs, the filaments only lasted seconds or minutes. So the bulb would be either airtight and air-free, or else cracked with air getting into it so it wouldn’t really light at all (or would burn out, as Edison’s air-filled bulbs did, without exploding). If anything, air would make the bulb pop inward, not outward (remember, air abhors a vacuum). And what would make it pop at all? Remember, it’s a tiny filament, no air in the bulb. I don’t see how anything could cause that kind of combustion.

      As always, I am happy to be corrected if someone knows better and will explain a bit. But at the moment, I’m voting for “dramatic misrepresentation.”

  • http://www.agnostic-library.com/ma/ PsiCop

    Ah, Rick Santorum … the mindless Christofascist who claimed that the Crusades weren’t Christian aggression and who also claims Satan has taken over the country.

    Yeah, definitely, we need more guys like that in office and making movies for us. No doubt!

    </sarcasm>

    • Nathaniel Harari

      I find myself in the unenviable place of…somewhat defending Santorum on this, even though I really shouldn’t because he’s as ignorant as most other people when it comes to the Crusades. HOWEVER…

      The Crusades were not simply a matter of Christian aggression. Granted, much of it was, and the slaughters during the Crusades are horrific. As were the slaughters of Jews by Teutonic knights even just getting out of their country to go and join up. No question there, and I’m of Jewish birth so that’s a rather poignant fact to me.

      But, I’ve made a fairly big study of the Crusades. In fact, I live in Israel and see Crusader things every single day. The Crusades are probably one of my most loved periods of history, and it isn’t (I assure you) because of Christian imperialism.

      The reason is this: they were far more complicated than that, and far more complicated than anyone could possibly understand without a very deep study into the subject. Even studying just one group, the Templars, from original sources (which I have) will give you a huge mix of bad knights and good knights – ones who slaughtered innocent Muslims and Jews, and ones who actually learned the language and even defended them with the sword against other knights.

      Then you have the tens of thousands of people who went not to just save their souls but, primarily, for adventure and loot – like most other armies in history.

      After Jerusalem was taken, you also had people who settled down and mixed with the local population, raised families, and became part of the fabric of society there.

      And the original call by Pope Urban II was in part started by a call from the Byzantine Emperor for aid against Muslim forces who had taken part of Anatolia by force. And he had other concerns he was facing at home of a mixed bag in of itself – secular forces vying for power including a few minor wars here…the usual medieval fray.

      Please understand that I’m not actually defending what happened during the Crusades in any way. As I said, the massacres were horrific. Most people don’t even know the story of King Richard’s literal war crime of beheading thousands of prisoners outside the city gates of Acre. And somebody invariably will mention the sacking of Jerusalem in 1099. These were horrific episodes, I cannot agree more.

      But there has been a tremendous oversimplification about the Crusades, and in the West, we tend to view them as wholly bad. But, in *some* sense, they were not that way. At least not all the time. And they weren’t fighting angels either, remember. Saladin has been overly mythologized as well into the wise ruler who was always fair and magnanimous. He wasn’t always that way, just as Richard wasn’t always a bloodthirsty killer (as he demonstrated by punishing and executing many of the rioters who killed Jews during his coronation ceremony).

      The unfortunate thing is that one really needs to study quite a bit of history, and original sources, to get the feeling of how chaotic a time it was. And it wasn’t simply a dictate of “slay all the Muslims and Jews”. It was far more complicated than that.

      Now, having written all of this, I know that Santorum probably knows nothing about the original sources and complex times. He’s just giving propaganda, more than likely, which makes me want to throttle him. So he isn’t right because he knows anything more than anyone else, but simply because the Crusades, by and large, were not the simple affair which most people envision.

      Would I have had it differently? I actually don’t know. I firmly believe that the Crusades were inevitable, just as the Jihad was inevitable. They may have started as Christian or Muslim in nature, but they became more about politics and societal pressures later on – natural pressures which came with a world embiggened ( :) ) with more and more traveling merchants and ideas. I actually don’t think these wars were avoidable in any way at all.

      Sorry to have written so much on such a short comment in the first place, but it’s actually a subject of great interest to me. As I said, I see Crusader vestiges around me every single day. They’re still here. I see them as just part of yet another invading force of this land in so many centuries of invaders and violence. But not everything was bad about them and some of what came out of the Crusades was worth defending in the long run.

      • http://www.agnostic-library.com/ma/ PsiCop

        Re: “But, I’ve made a fairly big study of the Crusades. In fact, I live in Israel and see Crusader things every single day. The Crusades are probably one of my most loved periods of history, and it isn’t (I assure you) because of Christian imperialism.”

        I have a degree in medieval history and have studied the topic extensively … including reading primary sources in their original languages. My assessment of Santorum’s asinine claim doesn’t come from ignorance, even if you think it does.

        Re: “The Crusades were not simply a matter of Christian aggression.”

        Actually, if not for the “aggression” which was part of it, the Crusades would not have occurred as they did. They were, above all else, a series of military expeditions. Sure, there were other components to them, including (among other things) the colonization and comingling you mention, but to say there was no aggression … sorry, but that’s just preposterous. You know it, and I know it. All you (and Rickie-boy) need to do is admit it.

        Re: “But there has been a tremendous oversimplification about the Crusades, and in the West, we tend to view them as wholly bad.”

        I would not “simplify” the Crusades. Nor did I. I made no attempt to do so. I also never said there was nothing “good” about them. (Quite the contrary, they helped expose western Christendom to the Hellenic classics & Arab scholars, and arguably opened the door to the development of science, among other things. Who could say that was bad?)

        What I said was no more and no less than this: that Santorum’s claim that the Crusades weren’t “aggression” is counter-factual. The Crusades were many things … of which one major component, was aggression. You know it, and I know it. All you (and Rickie-boy) need to do is admit it.

        Re: “Now, having written all of this, I know that Santorum probably knows nothing about the original sources and complex times. He’s just giving propaganda, more than likely, which makes me want to throttle him.”

        Like nearly all Christians, he cannot and will not admit the slightest imperfection in his religion. So he lies about it. He is an ignoramus, but worse than that, he’s a voluntary ignoramus. He wants to be ignorant, because, educating himself might make Christianity’s history look bad, and he can’t accept that there might be anything bad about it.

        Re: “But not everything was bad about them and some of what came out of the Crusades was worth defending in the long run.”

        It does no good to defend ignorance, which is what Santorum’s claim was. Nowhere in anything I said, here or on my blog, can rationally be construed as saying that “everything about the Crusades was bad.” All I said is that Santorum was wrong when he said they weren’t “aggression.” You know they were a series of military campaigns, and I know it. All you (and Rickie-boy) need to do is admit it.

        Come on. It won’t hurt. I promise you!

  • Joseph

    Watch the trailer. That is the worst sound I have ever heard.

  • Spuddie

    “Cinematic ipecac” I am so in love with that phrase!

  • Robster

    Jees this god/jesus/mo/al/mary/holy spook thing’s a complete dud, it seems to simply not do anything, ever. Can’t even sort out a good box office for its fans trying to promote itself. Or save its real estate from fires, earthquakes and tsunamis. Or heal a sick person, feed a hungry one or actually do anything, something, once would do. What a dud. Surely it’s time to whip up another perhaps, a new improved model with better morals and outlook, one that takes a bit more care hiring it’s staff, the current mob seem to be rotten to the core.

  • Dave Haaz-Baroque

    I SWEAR I heard Sylvester McCoy’s voice in there! The scenes were flashing by so fast that I can’t see if it’s him, but I SWEAR that’s his voice. It’s unmistakeable!

    If it is, it’s a bit hilarious, because aside from being one of the Most Underrated Doctors on Doctor Who (I will FIGHT people who say otherwise) I have a recent Doctor Who magazine where he goes on pretty extensively about his atheism.

  • WalterWhite007

    Of course, the deluded Santorum will see it as a ‘sign’ that he just has to try harder to fight the devil that is winning the battle for earth because even though god (if it existed) could just destroy the devil but he/she/it doesn’t because he/she/it ‘works’ in mysterious ways; but he/she/it is there, most definitely, it’s just really really hard to find any proof!! haha The overly religious are TOOOO funny!!


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