This Christian Group’s List of ‘Ingredients’ For Marriage Equality is Outrageous

Now that marriage equality has been signed into law in Illinois, the anti-gay-rights Illinois Family Institute is bored. Instead of redirecting their energy to a more worthy cause — like a political science class or maybe yoga — the nonprofit Christian ministry created a sloppy image attempting to satirize the state’s recent marriage victory.

Perhaps more than any other material they’ve ever produced, this graphic proves that IFI have no idea what they’re talking about. If this is the logic that guided their work, it’s no wonder they lost.

The fake label reads “Same-Sex Marriage: Emergency Energy for a Desperate Politician” and the product it’s selling is as like to convince you to oppose gay marriage as it is nutritious.

Here are their “ingredients” for same-sex marriage:

Artificial logic (processed in media bias), concentrated liberal left syrup, breakdown of family (no-fault divorce, abortion, sexual immorality) enriched corporate funds, unnatural biology, evaporated constitutional protections, free love color #1.

I’d appreciate some citations here. Also, properly placed commas.

Perhaps a breakdown of why our logic is so artificial? Or an explanation of how same-sex marriage will lead to abortion and no-fault divorce? How about some numbers illustrating enriched corporate funds? And for the love of Pat Quinn, WHERE can I get some lipstick in free love color #1?! (Which I’m sure the IFI will tell you is “Glitter.”)

Next, in the column where you’d read “Nutrition Facts” on your average Twinkie, the IFI lists “Social Cost Facts” for same-sex marriage (serving size: Illinois). A couple of these are simple regurgitations of your average mindless Christian rhetoric: Political Correctness 100%, Public Emotion 70%, Media Support 200%. That sort of thing.

Others, though, are more infuriating. A selection:

  • Tolerance for Opposing Views 0g, 0%. No. Intolerance is the unwillingness to accept beliefs or behavior that differ from your own. I disagree with you, but I’m not trying to take your rights away on the basis of your behavior. That’s what you’re doing to me. Go away.
  • Religious Liberties 1g, 2%. Again, no. Illinois’ marriage equality law, which is literally called the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act, is one of the most religion-friendly laws of its kind. Under the Illinois law, your church has no obligation whatsoever to participate in same-sex marriages if it doesn’t want to. It actually gets in the way of our ability to consider ourselves completely equal in the eyes of society. Quit your whining.
  • Interest of Children 0g, 0%. Excuse me?! There are 25,000 homeless youth in Illinois and another 17,000 in foster care. Look me in the eye and tell me the worst thing that could happen to these kids is to bring them into a loving home with two moms or two dads. Not to mention the decades of research proving that same-sex couples are just as qualified to raise children as your run-of-the-mill straight folks. But go ahead. Tell me my gayness is going to ruin a kid’s life.

(Hemant’s note: They would *totally* look you in the eye and tell you that. That’s how awful these people are.)

I love the summary, too:

  • Total Social Value: WAY Less Than Costs (Can I see your math?)
  • Morality: Less than OK (Speaking of artificial logic!)
  • Consequences: Uncalculable [sic] (The consequences do not exist!)

Reading this is exhausting! The kicker to the whole thing is at the bottom right: “Made on logic that also produces polygamy, polyamory, and pedophilia.” Actually, IFI, I’m pretty sure the Bible is all about pedophilia and polygamy, and polyamory is a perfectly legitimate practice that doesn’t deserve to be lumped in with the others. Not that you’ll ever take the time to learn that.

For the most part, there’s no use getting worked up over this. Marriage equality is legal in Illinois and the IFI can’t do anything about it; wahoo! Regardless, I extend a heartfelt thanks to the Illinois Family Institute for the laugh and for demonstrating how mindless the arguments against marriage equality truly are. If these are supposed to represent the best arguments the opposition can offer, the dominoes will fall in the other states in no time.

About Camille Beredjick

Camille is a twentysomething working in the LGBT nonprofit industry. She runs an LGBT news blog at gaywrites.org.

  • Guest

    ‘Free Love Color #1′

    Shouldn’t it be #2: you can get this color lipstick here:

    http://www.makeupalley.com/product/x_showreview.asp?page=2&pagesize=10&ItemID=124033&

    My favorite color is Tinkerbellcrack!

  • sam

    I’ve now realized that it wasn’t their complete absence of rational argument that prevented me from supporting opposition to gay marriage, it was that they weren’t using enough bitter snark to compensate. Now that they are sufficiently bitter, I now oppose same-sex marriage. Good job, guys!

  • http://www.dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

    All that’s left for the fringe element is preaching to their ever declining followers. If their actions are changing any minds at all, it’s away from their views, not toward them.

    When was the last time you heard of somebody who supports marriage equality changing their mind about it? On that matter, opinion is shifting in one direction only.

  • islandbrewer

    That’s funny, I think I’m overdue for an eye exam. Whenever I try to read things like that, all I can see is “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

    • Artor

      No, you’re good. That’s all I see too.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    “Enriched corporate funds” is one of the ingredients? I would think that Republicans, who generally oppose marriage equality, would love that consequence, since they worship billionaires with far more passion than they worship Yahweh.

    What seems to be missing from the ingredients that are usually listed are breakdown of society, collapse of civilization, mass hysteria, and dogs and cats living together. (Unless that’s included under “unnatural biology.”) I have to wonder what bizarre fantasy that the loonies at IFI are thinking about when they use that phrase. …Never mind, I don’t really want to know.

    You’ve lost, IFI. This was your Waterloo. Enjoy your decline into defensive retreat, pathetic whining about the “good old days,” increasing irrelevance, and finally oblivion. I know I will.

  • Brent Futrell

    I cannot decipher the banner, what does it say?

    • Alex Symczak

      You mean the red one at the very top? It says “Friendly Atheist.” But it’s written in a very stylized script so that if you rotate it 180 degrees it will read the same.

  • katiehippie

    The no-fault divorce thing is so horrible. (in addition to the other things) They seem to actually want to keep one person miserable for the rest of their life. Whether it be either spouse, it’s despicable. Also dangerous if your spouse is abusive.

  • OhioAtheist

    So they see intolerance of their bigotry as intolerant? I’m OK with that. Sadly, to them, intolerance only counts if its intolerance of their beliefs.

  • WingedBeast

    Do people who make and post such images fully realize that what they’re attempting to do is engage in nothing more than a content-free, sociopolitical circle jerk?

  • guest

    I don’t think this is a real attempt to engage in dialog. It’s an in-joke for them to sneer at and laugh over with people who agree with them.

    Meanwhile lots of gay couples are getting married and the world carries on just as before.


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