You Won’t Believe How Much Money Was Stolen from the Largest Church in the U.S. After Weekend Services

Over the weekend, anyone who threw cash or a check into the collection plate basket barrel at Joel Osteen‘s Lakewood Church got some very bad news:

We were heartbroken to learn today that funds were stolen from the church over the weekend. This includes cash, checks and envelopes containing written credit card information, and it is limited only to those funds contributed in the church services on Saturday, March 8 and Sunday, March 9, 2014. If you made a contribution during these weekend services, we would encourage you to pay close attention to your accounts over the next several days and weeks and report any suspicious activity to your financial institution or credit card company immediately.

First of all, who are these people throwing around their credit card information so carelessly…?

Anyway, it seems that all the money collected during those services was placed in a safe… which was broken into sometime over the weekend.

Victor Senties, spokesman for the Houston Police Department, said $200,000 in cash and $400,000 in checks were stolen from the church’s safe sometime between early afternoon Sunday and Monday morning, when a church employee first discovered the money missing.

Let’s see… 4 and a 2… carry the 1… do the “new” math… holy shit, Joel Osteen’s church brought in $600,000 in one weekend?! (That’s more than $30,000,000 a year, tax free.) You guys, we’re all in the wrong line of work.

With that kind of money, you’d think they could at least afford a better security system…

The funds are insured so the church will recuperate the stolen money, but not before there are 390432432 jokes made online about how this isn’t really news since churches steal money every weekend.

(Image via Shutterstock. Story via Christianity Today)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.


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