What Would a Show About Teenage Jesus Look Like…?

There have been plenty of TV shows that take a look at the young lives of famous adults. Smallville examined a young Superman, Bates Motel looks at a young pre-stabby Norman Bates, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles chronicled the young Indiana Jones… You know what else these shows have in common?

I’ve never watched them.

But I’ll tell you what show is going to be appointment TV for this gal: Nazareth.

It follows the formative years of Jesus of Nazareth. There had been a lot of interest recently in Jesus’ so called “lost years,” a lesser known period in his life because there is very little written about him from the age of 13, following a pilgrimage to Jerusalem he took with his parents, to age 30, when he began his ministry and was baptized by John the Baptist.

I don’t see a lot of details, including the premiere date, but it looks like David Franzoni, who produced Gladiator and wrote the 2004 King Arthur film, is attached to write and executive produce alongside Bob Cooper.

I’d like to submit some plot lines for the first few seasons of a teen drama about Jesus, which should really be called Jesus Saves by the Bell:

  • Jesus tries to attend a friend’s pool party with disastrous and embarrassing results.
  • Jesus gets busted for turning water to wine at a friend’s party. A lesson is learned by all.
  • Jesus confronts friend with caffeine pill problem who keeps singing “I’m So Excited” and cures her.
  • Jesus accidentally sets up a date with the two hottest girls in school at the same time. Hilarity ensues.
  • Jesus’ high school can’t afford wheelchair ramps, so he just cures all of the disabled students.
  • In a very special episode, Jesus finds out Joseph isn’t his real dad.
  • A kid with leprosy transfers to Nazareth High, is cast out by other students. Everyone learns a lesson.
  • Someone forgets to order food for the prom. Jesus steps in.
  • Jesus starts hitting the gym really hard, develops an eating disorder –OR– every episode features a montage of Jesus’ killer ab workout.
  • School dean is Pontius Pilate. School principal is Mr. Belding.
  • At some point, teen Judas will betray Jesus and teen Peter will deny… something.
  • Jesus’ virgin girlfriend has a pregnancy scare.
  • Jesus tries to cure lepers. Turns out to just be acne.
  • Jesus goes on three-day vacation. Everyone thinks he’s dead.

Please, please submit your own Jesus high school plot ideas — if you’re on Twitter, use the hashtag #TeenJesus! Surely the writing staff is listening!

(Thanks to Mikey for the image!)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.


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