Charismatic Preacher Touts New Diet to Save Donald Trump From Witches

Donald Trump, in case you haven’t heard, is under constant threat of being cursed by evil witches. It’s really tragic. Not only did they use their evil powers (we must assume) to turn him a bright shade of orange, but they are now using those powers to undermine his presidency and bring on a “Spiritual Battle” for the soul of America. And, according to Charismatic preacher Lou Engle, they must be stopped.

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How to do this? Well, Engle wants everyone — women, especially — to take part in a three day “Esther fast” to put a stop to all the evil hexes against Trump. The fast is inspired by Queen Esther, whom Engle says fasted and prayed away all the witchcraft and “dark conspiracies” in Persia.

Engle, you see, was deeply upset by the Women’s Marches that occurred the day after Trump’s inauguration. Mostly because all those terrible women stole his idea for a march involving a million women — except that his was a vision from God in which they all marched as a “last-stand breakthrough to hold back darkness in America.” (Which is actually a rather good way of describing what the Women’s March was hoping to achieve, but probably not what Lou Engle had in mind.)

Instead, it was the beginning of an onslaught of WITCHCRAFT against Donald Trump and all the good pussy grabbin’ Christians of the world.

The Women’s March was the first shot across the bow, heralding a revolutionary rise against the president of the United States, “We the people” and in reality, the foundational biblical truths upon which our nation was founded. Soon after, the second shot was manifested publicly: an unprecedented global summons of witchcraft to curse President Trump, his Cabinet and all of those aligned with a biblical worldview. Suddenly, the whole controversy was elevated to a global spiritual dimension, inaugurating a spiritual battle that cannot be won on the playing field of protests and political arguments.

Only the church has the answer to this unprecedented manifestation of witchcraft. Spiritual strategy must be used to overcome this open-faced, brazen challenge of the powers.

He felt very badly for the “truly empowered women” helplessly watching the march, and knew he’d have to come up with something for them to do in order to help hold back all the darkness.

Hundreds of thousands of women watched the March, heard the vitriol and could not identify with the radical ideologies being expressed that would not acknowledge God’s Word and ways in the public controversy. This new woman declared deep inside her heart, This is not my revolution. Now, like Esther, she is arising for such a time as this. It’s time for this corporate Esther to frame the future by recognizing and taking up her God-given role of persistent public persuasion in the open square as well as that of her humble appeal to God in prayer.

And so he did!

I knew then that I was to take my place as a Mordecai and call not only “Esther and her handmaidens” but the whole nation, to fast and pray for three days leading up to Purim.

According to Engle, doing this fast will counter all that evil feminist witchcraft, reverse Roe v. Wade and result in healthier, shinier hair. Surely, by the time it is over, we will no longer be able to put the maloik on Donald Trump, and perhaps even suddenly come around to loving him. Either that, or a bunch of people will be very hungry for no reason.

But wait — there’s more! It actually gets better, because there is a Breitbart article about this fast as well. And in this article, author Thomas D. Williams, Ph.D. explains how this spiritual battle is a way of expressing how Trump supporters are very much above anger, extremism, and hate.

In this battle, Engle sees great cause for hope, since many Americans do not identify with the anger, extremism and above all visceral hate being directed toward the president and those who voted for him.

The comment section, naturally, was an absolute beacon of love, tolerance, and understanding, in which many expressed their view that all who disagree with them or Donald Trump were surely Satanic and trying to destroy the entire world (and all the white people, naturally) simply because they love to spread evil.

ControlAmericanSoul

They are sick and tired of all the extreme and cruel things people are saying about Donald Trump. Also, they believe President Obama was, in fact, an actual demon.

ObamaActualDemon

And, uh, think the Pope is a Muslim now?

NorLegitimatePope

It must be very hard for them to deal with all the anger, extremism and visceral hate coming from the Left, so it’s a good thing they’ve got this fast to fight it!

(via Charisma and Breitbart)

About Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Also, she is very modest and truthful always. And she lives in Chicago.