The folks over at the Catholic-based Chastity Project (unofficial slogan: Sex can wait! Masturbate!… But don’t do that either!) are just trying to get our young folks to stop banging long enough to go to Church. It’s a hard job (*hehe*) but apparently someone has to do it.
If you feel particularly masochistic, you may want to take a few minutes to peruse their website. And if you’re suuuuper self-loathing, you may want to click on the “Homosexuality” tab. (It’s right between the “Pornography, Etc.” and “Birth Control” tabs. Can’t miss it.)
Under the Q&A section, the website gives a lengthy (OhMyGodIt’sSoFreakingLong) explanation about why two people of the same sex can’t really get married.
Since you probably don’t have all day to read their long, long, long diatribe (Seriously. It’s 2,800 words long. No joke), I’ll bring you some of the more bonkers highlights.
They kick off by basically saying the same thing I would when waiting tables:
“I know, ma’am. If it were up to me, I would totally allow you to substitute your side of fries for an additional steak, but my d-bag manager says I can’t!” Except in this scenario, the steak is letting two consenting adults get married and my d-bag manager is the Bible.