Turns out there are only a handful of churches left in American that still handle snakes. (Besides the Catholic Church. ZING!)

They’re all in West Virginia, and even there, it’s a bit sketchy.

Kate Fowler and Mark Strandquist are putting together a documentary film called With Signs and Following in which they go into one of these churches, Lord Jesus Church, and explore the pastor and the congregation.

The Paster and Congregation are not Responsible for anyone that handles the serpent’s and get’s bit. If you get bit the church will stand by you and pray with you. And the Same goes with drinking the poision.

Paster: Harvey Payne

Who knew there was a whole congregation that spoke Parseltongue? Speaking in tongues makes waaaaay more sense now.

(via Low-Hanging Bad Apples)

Dear Victory Family Church in Belleville, Illinois,

I have some advice for you.

(Yes, I’m an atheist, and no, I don’t expect you to listen. But I’ll say it anyway.)

When you’re planning an event, don’t call it a “Crusade.” That word is steeped in negative religious connotations and you don’t want to be associated with that. Trust me on this one.

Oh. Alright, ignore that one.

When you’re planning a “Crusade,” don’t gear it toward children. Atheists already think churches brainwash kids and you’d just be adding fuel to the fire.

Hmm… I see how you’re playing this game…

(By the way, what’s with the apostrophe usage? It makes it sound like one child is going to grab a weapon and go apeshit on everyone in the building. Anyway, I’ll continue.)

When you’re planning an event that sounds as horrible as a “Kid’s Crusade,” don’t try to “hip it up” with unnecessary adjectives. Don’t call it “Ye Old Tyme Kid’s Crusade” or “Jesustastic Kid’s Crusade O’ Fun” or “Rootin’ Tootin’ Kid’s Crusade.”

Well, fine then…

Finally, don’t hold any event you’re calling a “Crusade” on September 11^th. I shouldn’t have to tell you why this is a horrible idea.

Goddammit, seriously?!

I tried, Jesus. I tried.

Sincerely,

Hemant

Reader Nic shares this story (via email) about how Christians seem to get special parking privileges in Philadelphia:

I used to live just two blocks from Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, and I remember how the streets would fill with cars on Sunday mornings, all of them conspicuously parked in areas that would otherwise be off limits during the rest of the week (like, for instance, in one of the city’s few reserved bike lanes).

They would all have a neat little placard in the windshield stating the owner was attending church service, which would excuse their otherwise illegal parking. And this in spite of the fact that there is a large parking garage just two blocks from this church.

…

Evidently, the nature of the activity (worshiping) in itself warrants an exemption, or the church is provides such an essential service to the community that it has earned amnesty from the rules for its members.

So, if worshiping qualifies, what else would qualify, and who decides? Who hasn’t tried (and failed) to justify a parking ticket based on what they were doing when they got the ticket? I once got a ticket for parking illegally at my girlfriend’s front door for 5 minutes in order to drive her to the ER while she was having a seizure. I pleaded for amnesty. No luck. What if I’d said I was praying with her? I’m being facetious, of course, but it nevertheless remains that there’s an unspoken determination that worshiping is somehow universally noble, and practitioners should be treated differently. It’s the same prevailing bias which makes people respect a “man of god” as automatically good, moral and decent.

Chicago tried the same thing a while back, though I’m not sure if they won. It’s incredible to watch how pastors pretend like they’re not asking for unique treatment:

“We’re not asking for special privileges,” said the Rev. Philip Blackwell, pastor of First United Methodist Church at Chicago Temple. “We just happen to be religious institutions. The strange hours that we keep are complementary to the way the rest of the Loop gets used. If we’re going to co-exist in the city we have to have some nuanced understanding about how space is being used. That goes for government vehicles, bikes.”

If anyone has insight into this issue (in any city), I’d love to know what’s going on and why the local governments grant churches special treatment. Would attending atheist gatherings also qualify under the rules?

On a side note, some anonymous rapscallion created a website called ChurchParkingForAtheists.com — if you visit, you can print out a placard to put on your car on Sundays for free parking in parts of Philadelphia. The downside is you have to pretend to be a Christian for a couple hours.

It’s a clever idea, but we shouldn’t have to resort to this. Everyone should get the same exemptions or none at all.

Chandler, Arizona is home to a Christian church with special services just for men:

Man Church is church the way a man expects it to be done. No singing, short sermon, time to talk with other guys, no women present, and coffee and donuts. That’s the way men want to do church. The topics of discussion will have a definite manly focus — being the best possible husband, father, employee, leader — being a real man. In fact, every aspect of Man Church is geared for men — not like any other church you have seen. This ain’t your mama’s church!

Wow. A religious service dominated by men.

(As opposed to “normal” religious services, which are also dominated by men…?)

Way to reach out to the silent minority, Christians…

Actually, I understand the aversion to singing and smalltalk. That’s annoying to me and I’m sure some Christians would rather do church without that.

What’s annoying is how the description alone seems to suggest all men must act and think in certain ways (and that women cannot act and think in these ways). If you’re not a macho, motorcycle-riding, grammar-be-damned-we’re-gonna-say-”ain’t” type of guy, we challenge your manhood.

Godless Girl isn’t happy with it at all:

These… guys apparently can’t handle creative expression, women, music, or big words. If I were male, I’d be insulted that my church leadership thinks I am an emotionless, simple-minded grunt who doesn’t crave depth of study and a song once in a while. This sounds [like] fast food instead of a full course meal.

No word on how gay men would be treated in this setting…

You can catch a few glimpses of what Man Church is like here:

After watching excerpts of the sermons from the video, I really don’t get why women couldn’t have heard the same things.

I have never heard of any atheist group — even larger ones, even at conferences — dividing itself up by sexes for any reason. Maybe because we see each other as truly equal. Men are no better or smarter or wiser than women in our world. In the Christian world, the genders have to fit a certain mold (defined by the men).

Sure, many of the more famous New Atheists have been male, but it’s not from lack of awesome female atheists. We just need to publicize the women better than we have been.

Christians have a long way to go, though, before women are really seen as equals in the church.

Pastor Ed Young isn’t just asking for donations at his church. Forget voluntary tithing.

He wants full access to your bank account:

Yeah… what could possibly go wrong there?

I don’t care if he is their pastor; how are some of these churchgoers so gullible that they’re willing to give someone else — anyone else — their bank account number?

If they feel like giving money to the church, then they can do it! But it’s crazy to allow anyone to dip into your personal bank account at their whim, regardless of what they say they’re going to do.

Maybe Fellowship Church just needs another jet:

… Ed Young — the pastor at Fellowship Church in Grapevine — may soon have to answer for the numerous trips by the leased church jet to resort locations. It’s luxury air travel that costs tens of thousands of dollars per trip.

For months, News 8 has requested interviews with Pastor Young. Each time we have been referred to a New York public relations firm for answers.

Yet they have declined to answer simple questions such as: “Who uses the jet, and for what?”

(via Jesus Needs New PR)