Finally, Convincing Evidence That Gay Marriage Does Cause Floods

Rushing to the aid of embattled U.K. councilman David Silvester, who recently claimed that being gay was “a ‘spiritual disease’ and that the country had been ‘beset by storms’ since the passing of the gay marriage bill,” British columnist Dean Burnett, tongue planted firmly in cheek, decisively explains the shocking meteorology behind gay couples getting hitched.

Logically, same-sex marriage leads to an increase in the number of weddings. Weddings invariably involve a large number of people congregating in one place, which leads to a lot of body heat and warming, and this heat enters the atmosphere, increasing the air temperature and producing more warm fronts.

People also cry a lot at weddings. This is likely to be even more pronounced at same-sex weddings, with the added element of recently achieved equality making the events even more poignant. Tears are basically water, which quickly evaporate, thus adding to the water content of the atmosphere.

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Today I Learned That Rich People Can Pay Cash to Improve the Odds of Certain Figures Becoming Saints

Among the financial reforms Pope Francis is undertaking within the Church and Vatican Bank, this one may be the most interesting:

This week, [Pope Francis] took another, less controversial step in that direction, calling for a “spending review” that includes settling on a cap for expenses tied to the canonization causes of would-be saints. In the past, critics charged that figures backed by well-financed supporters usually became saints more quickly than their more meagerly financed counterparts.

Two miracles, my ass. Who knew canonization was like the run-up to the Academy Awards? Turns out your friends just needed to slip a few Euros to the powers that be and voila! Sainthood.

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Glenn Beck Attacks Bill Nye for Being Like Galileo’s Persecutors

This is almost beautiful in its absolute absurdity.

Glenn Beck, apparently from his underground bunker, used his web show to attack supporters of Common Core educational standards, specifically Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Education Secretary Arne Duncan, and, yes, even Bill Nye, who he compares to “the people” who persecuted Galileo. I can’t seem to remember who those bad people were, though.


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Trans Woman Dares Homophobic Councilman to Stone Her to Death

You know how some anti-LGBT people tend to quote the Bible a whole lot when trying to defend their bigotry? A city councilman in Louisiana pulled that stunt recently when trying to bring down an LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination policy, but one activist put him — and his Bible-thumping hypocrisy — in his place.

Last month, the City Council of Shreveport, Louisiana, passed an ordinance protecting LGBT people from discrimination in matters of housing and employment. The sole dissenting vote was cast by Councilman Ron Webb, who cited the Bible when explaining his decision:

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Arizona School District Votes to Reinstate Prayer at Board Meetings

Up until November of last year, the Mesa Public Schools Governing Board in Arizona began every one of their meetings with a prayer. Not just run-of-the-mill generic prayers to “God,” but sectarian prayers uttered by “assistants and associate superintendents” that included Christian phrases like “Heavenly Father” and “In Your Name, Amen.”

It was illegal, pure and simple, so the Freedom From Religion Foundation sent them a letter warning them that a lawsuit could be imminent if the practice didn’t stop:

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