Anthony Sacramone goes off on a sublime rant occasioned by the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America pursuing full fellowship with the United Methodists. In doing so, he poses an ecumenical solution:
Why not merge the churches and be done with it—they’re already bleeding more members than a mohel convention. Why not create one great American mainline Protestant denomination—called the First Church of the Grand High Exalted Mystic Vague—where all are welcome, because all are one, and between self and nonself exists only an unpaid student loan. The gospel, like Gaul, will be divided into three parts: The Law, the Gospel, and the Adorable Huggables. And the only moral theology will consist of being overdrawn on your carbon credits . . .