Humor

This is the place to contribute jokes, lines, and humorous anecdotes that really or supposedly happened.

About Gene Veith

Professor of Literature at Patrick Henry College, the Director of the Cranach Institute at Concordia Theological Seminary, a columnist for World Magazine and TableTalk, and the author of 18 books on different facets of Christianity & Culture.

  • TE Schroeder

    Ever hear of Wilmer McClain? Perhaps you will remember him after you know his place in history.

    Wilmer McClain lived in the middle of the 19th century near the town of Manassas, VA. At least, he lived there until the Civil War broke out. The first battle, Bull Run, was waged by his property. Even some shells ended up in his house. Wilmer had no desire to see his family endangered any longer. So, he moved south … to Appamattox, VA.

    When Union and Confederate troops had gathered at Appomattox, General Lee sought an audience with General Grant for terms of surrender. The meeting was not at the courthouse, as many have been taught. Terms of surrender were offered and accepted in the living room of Wilmer McClain.

    So, Wilmer McClain could boast that the Civil War began and ended in his living room.

    Okay, not funny. But very interesting, don’t you think?

  • TE Schroeder

    Ever hear of Wilmer McClain? Perhaps you will remember him after you know his place in history.

    Wilmer McClain lived in the middle of the 19th century near the town of Manassas, VA. At least, he lived there until the Civil War broke out. The first battle, Bull Run, was waged by his property. Even some shells ended up in his house. Wilmer had no desire to see his family endangered any longer. So, he moved south … to Appamattox, VA.

    When Union and Confederate troops had gathered at Appomattox, General Lee sought an audience with General Grant for terms of surrender. The meeting was not at the courthouse, as many have been taught. Terms of surrender were offered and accepted in the living room of Wilmer McClain.

    So, Wilmer McClain could boast that the Civil War began and ended in his living room.

    Okay, not funny. But very interesting, don’t you think?

  • http://www.brandywinebooks.net Lars Walker

    Not only that, but once the signing was done, the Union officers proceeded to loot the entire house for souvenirs. They did pay for most of it, but they pretty much cleaned the McLeans out.

  • http://www.brandywinebooks.net Lars Walker

    Not only that, but once the signing was done, the Union officers proceeded to loot the entire house for souvenirs. They did pay for most of it, but they pretty much cleaned the McLeans out.

  • Orianna Laun

    My 7-month old daughter has learned to laugh. I think it is funny to hear her laugh. She apparently finds the dog hilarious. I don’t know why. She’ll look at the dog and laugh.

  • Orianna Laun

    My 7-month old daughter has learned to laugh. I think it is funny to hear her laugh. She apparently finds the dog hilarious. I don’t know why. She’ll look at the dog and laugh.

  • Booklover

    I wish you could post a video, Orianna.

    I know I’ve posted this comic illustration before, but I love it, and it very well could have happened:

    http://chesterton.org/gkc/artist/herod.html

  • Booklover

    I wish you could post a video, Orianna.

    I know I’ve posted this comic illustration before, but I love it, and it very well could have happened:

    http://chesterton.org/gkc/artist/herod.html

  • http://thefragrantharbor.blogspot.com Catherine

    My mission team in Hong Kong had an interesting experience the other day. We went out to eat for lunch at an Indian restaurant with some of our Hong Kong students. The waitress brought out glasses of water for everyone, and in Typical American Fashion, we all took several sips (and realized it tasted like fishy tap water…) Except the Hongkongers. When our food was brought out, the students took their silverware and dipped them in the glasses. They then took our silverware and dipped them in their glasses too.

    Our entire group of 10 people drank dishwater.

  • http://thefragrantharbor.blogspot.com Catherine

    My mission team in Hong Kong had an interesting experience the other day. We went out to eat for lunch at an Indian restaurant with some of our Hong Kong students. The waitress brought out glasses of water for everyone, and in Typical American Fashion, we all took several sips (and realized it tasted like fishy tap water…) Except the Hongkongers. When our food was brought out, the students took their silverware and dipped them in the glasses. They then took our silverware and dipped them in their glasses too.

    Our entire group of 10 people drank dishwater.

  • http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/ Barry D. Bishop

    Here’s a link to my tractor story. It’s a funny thing that happened to me when I worked on the farm. Friends and family are always asking me to tell it to them again.

    http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/2005/09/day-i-almost-died.html

  • http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/ Barry D. Bishop

    Here’s a link to my tractor story. It’s a funny thing that happened to me when I worked on the farm. Friends and family are always asking me to tell it to them again.

    http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/2005/09/day-i-almost-died.html

  • Booklover

    Barry Bishop, that was a very exciting and interesting story.

    You had a better teacher than I did. My dad was a farmer. His method of teaching me how to drive tractor was, “Go down to the other end of the field and bring me the tractor.” That was it, and I was just a tyke. And he definitely was the type that must be obeyed. So when I let out the clutch, the tractor reared up on its two hind wheels like a dog begging for bread. I almost fell off the back. I think my siblings all learned to drive tractor in much the same way.

  • Booklover

    Barry Bishop, that was a very exciting and interesting story.

    You had a better teacher than I did. My dad was a farmer. His method of teaching me how to drive tractor was, “Go down to the other end of the field and bring me the tractor.” That was it, and I was just a tyke. And he definitely was the type that must be obeyed. So when I let out the clutch, the tractor reared up on its two hind wheels like a dog begging for bread. I almost fell off the back. I think my siblings all learned to drive tractor in much the same way.

  • Orianna Laun

    Booklover @7, your tractor story makes me think of the movie Cars where the cows are tractors and the rear up on their hind wheels and fall over. That’s how to stop them from stampeding. Makes me giggle every time.

  • Orianna Laun

    Booklover @7, your tractor story makes me think of the movie Cars where the cows are tractors and the rear up on their hind wheels and fall over. That’s how to stop them from stampeding. Makes me giggle every time.

  • http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/ Barry D. Bishop

    Booklover @7,
    awesome! Thanks for the laugh. I never popped a wheelie on a tractor but can imagine it would be terrifying.

  • http://barrybishop.blogspot.com/ Barry D. Bishop

    Booklover @7,
    awesome! Thanks for the laugh. I never popped a wheelie on a tractor but can imagine it would be terrifying.

  • Dan Kempin

    I must admit to a little disappointment on this thread. With the amound of wit passing through the turnstyles of this blog, I was expecting a treasure trove of side splitting satisfaction. Come on! I KNOW you’re holding out! Spill with some of your comedic gems, or I will be forced to pollute this thread with ancient and unfunny jokes–like the one about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw . . .

  • Dan Kempin

    I must admit to a little disappointment on this thread. With the amound of wit passing through the turnstyles of this blog, I was expecting a treasure trove of side splitting satisfaction. Come on! I KNOW you’re holding out! Spill with some of your comedic gems, or I will be forced to pollute this thread with ancient and unfunny jokes–like the one about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw . . .

  • Tom Hering
  • Tom Hering
  • TE Schroeder

    Okay, I started these comments with no joke, so I will amend my ways. Here you go….

    A lawyer and a doctor were flying across the country, first class. Once each learned the other’s profession, they were a bit icy toward one another. Nevertheless, both decided to be cordial.

    The lawyer, who had taken off his shoes to relax, excused himself to get a Diet Coke. He offered to bring one back for the doctor. The doctor accepted his offer. While the lawyer was away, the doctor picked up his right shoe and spit in it.

    The two men made small talk for a while. With their Diet Coke’s finished, the lawyer offered to get another one. The doctor, sensing opportunity before him again, accepted. The lawyer left. The doctor picked up his left shoe, and spit in it.

    The lawyer returned, and they both drank their Diet Cokes.

    Knowing that they would be landing soon, the lawyer slipped his feet back into his shoes. Immediately, he sensed the doctor’s work. He leaned back and lamented, “Why must there always be so much animosity between our professions? How long will this kind of thing go on — this spitting in shoes and peeing in soft drinks?”

  • TE Schroeder

    Okay, I started these comments with no joke, so I will amend my ways. Here you go….

    A lawyer and a doctor were flying across the country, first class. Once each learned the other’s profession, they were a bit icy toward one another. Nevertheless, both decided to be cordial.

    The lawyer, who had taken off his shoes to relax, excused himself to get a Diet Coke. He offered to bring one back for the doctor. The doctor accepted his offer. While the lawyer was away, the doctor picked up his right shoe and spit in it.

    The two men made small talk for a while. With their Diet Coke’s finished, the lawyer offered to get another one. The doctor, sensing opportunity before him again, accepted. The lawyer left. The doctor picked up his left shoe, and spit in it.

    The lawyer returned, and they both drank their Diet Cokes.

    Knowing that they would be landing soon, the lawyer slipped his feet back into his shoes. Immediately, he sensed the doctor’s work. He leaned back and lamented, “Why must there always be so much animosity between our professions? How long will this kind of thing go on — this spitting in shoes and peeing in soft drinks?”

  • –helen

    All y’all have been blessed with guardian angels!

    A former neighbor of mine trained his 10 year old to drive a tractor and told him one day to take it home from the field. The boy turned too short at a corner and tipped the tractor over into a waterfilled ditch, him under it.
    Sorry, no joke involved.

    OTOH,
    One of my 7th grade students was a “hero” of sorts because he tipped a tractor over, escaped with his life and was told to get back on and drive it home, after his Dad came and pulled it out and upright.

    Being a farm kid is not always as dull as the “city folk” would have you believe.

  • –helen

    All y’all have been blessed with guardian angels!

    A former neighbor of mine trained his 10 year old to drive a tractor and told him one day to take it home from the field. The boy turned too short at a corner and tipped the tractor over into a waterfilled ditch, him under it.
    Sorry, no joke involved.

    OTOH,
    One of my 7th grade students was a “hero” of sorts because he tipped a tractor over, escaped with his life and was told to get back on and drive it home, after his Dad came and pulled it out and upright.

    Being a farm kid is not always as dull as the “city folk” would have you believe.

  • –helen

    Thank you for the “Reformation Polka”, Tom Hering!

  • –helen

    Thank you for the “Reformation Polka”, Tom Hering!


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