Top ten signs you’re too afraid of your government

My brother Jimmy is always a little behind, which means that when he comments on this blog he usually does so after everyone else is tired of the topic and has stopped following the discussion.  But he posted a top 10 list on that presidential cell phone thread that is worthy of David Letterman.  And even though it is arguably wrong-headed, it is very humorous.  So I wanted all of you to see it:

Top ten signs that you too may be a victim of anti-government fear mongering:

10. When the government census worker came to your door, you hid in the closet.

9. You can’t find your long form birth certificate and question your own citizenship.

8. You have already contacted your local hospital administrator to see what you have to do to get appointed to serve on a “death panel”.

7. You watch “King of the Hill”, and think that Dale Gribble is the smart one.

6. While waiting on a table at a restaurant, you refuse to give the host your real name.

5. You think that FBI agents are living in your attic. (Personal note to my big brother, “Dr. Veith”. This one runs in our family. Don’t tell anyone.)

4. You refuse to set your clocks to daylight savings time.

3. You have nightmares where a team of Navy SEALS descend upon your compound in black stealth helicopters and shoot you in the head. (Wait a minute. . . . that could actually happen!)

2. When you watch Fox news you think you are watching the news.

1.. Headdress of choice: Tin Foil

About Gene Veith

Professor of Literature at Patrick Henry College, the Director of the Cranach Institute at Concordia Theological Seminary, a columnist for World Magazine and TableTalk, and the author of 18 books on different facets of Christianity & Culture.

  • Joe

    “10. When the government census worker came to your door, you hid in the closet.”

    I don’t hide but I do refuse to answer anything beyond what the gov’t actually needs to know in order to reapportion congressional seats. If they want anymore information they can get a warrant.

  • Joe

    “10. When the government census worker came to your door, you hid in the closet.”

    I don’t hide but I do refuse to answer anything beyond what the gov’t actually needs to know in order to reapportion congressional seats. If they want anymore information they can get a warrant.

  • larry

    Funny, honestly, and as usual there’s some truth in such that’s why its so funny.

    One could in like come up with a “Top ten signs that you too may be a victim of anti-big business/government MUST solve everything fear mongering”, in the same line of humor:

    10. You think Haliburton secretly runs the government.

    9. You refuse to invest in big oil companies because they are only in it for the money but you invest in green technologies because they are altruistic.

    8. You’ve purchased land in extreme northern Canada in prelude to the big real estate boom after global warming takes full effect.

    7. You listen to Albert Gore as a serious scientist.

    6. You think former Pres. Bush is very stupid yet a mastermind of massive conspiracies.

    5. You think that Donald Rumsfeld is living in your attic.

    4. You excoriate your conservative friend about the evils of energy use in your air conditioned home.

    3. You have nightmares of Dick Cheney descending upon your cave like internet connected hovel from a black stealth helicopter and shoots you in the head. (with a quail gun)

    2. When you watch CBS, ABC or NBC news you think you are watching the news.

    1. You are kicking yourself for not having thought first of contacting your local hospital administrator to see what you could have done to get appointed to serve on an insurance companies “death panel”.

  • larry

    Funny, honestly, and as usual there’s some truth in such that’s why its so funny.

    One could in like come up with a “Top ten signs that you too may be a victim of anti-big business/government MUST solve everything fear mongering”, in the same line of humor:

    10. You think Haliburton secretly runs the government.

    9. You refuse to invest in big oil companies because they are only in it for the money but you invest in green technologies because they are altruistic.

    8. You’ve purchased land in extreme northern Canada in prelude to the big real estate boom after global warming takes full effect.

    7. You listen to Albert Gore as a serious scientist.

    6. You think former Pres. Bush is very stupid yet a mastermind of massive conspiracies.

    5. You think that Donald Rumsfeld is living in your attic.

    4. You excoriate your conservative friend about the evils of energy use in your air conditioned home.

    3. You have nightmares of Dick Cheney descending upon your cave like internet connected hovel from a black stealth helicopter and shoots you in the head. (with a quail gun)

    2. When you watch CBS, ABC or NBC news you think you are watching the news.

    1. You are kicking yourself for not having thought first of contacting your local hospital administrator to see what you could have done to get appointed to serve on an insurance companies “death panel”.

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com Bike Bubba

    Isn’t it interesting how anti-government fear mongering changes depending on who is living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

    Personally, I think it would be very healthy for the “body politic” if both sides of the aisle asked a simple question before passing any legislation or allowing any regulation; “would I trust my political opponents with this power?”

    I’m guessing about 70% of legislation could be torpedoed with that little question alone if it were taken seriously.

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com Bike Bubba

    Isn’t it interesting how anti-government fear mongering changes depending on who is living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

    Personally, I think it would be very healthy for the “body politic” if both sides of the aisle asked a simple question before passing any legislation or allowing any regulation; “would I trust my political opponents with this power?”

    I’m guessing about 70% of legislation could be torpedoed with that little question alone if it were taken seriously.

  • Joe

    Bike – you make a very good suggestion.

  • Joe

    Bike – you make a very good suggestion.

  • Tom Hering

    #11: You visit WorldNetDaily daily.

  • Tom Hering

    #11: You visit WorldNetDaily daily.

  • DonS

    Bike @ 3: I concur with Joe — that is a very good suggestion. Very few people stop to consider that when they choose to let the government do something, it will necessarily involve the wielding of political power and coercion. The word “regulate” means “you have to”, not “if you want to”.

    Larry @ 2 — good stuff. :-)

  • DonS

    Bike @ 3: I concur with Joe — that is a very good suggestion. Very few people stop to consider that when they choose to let the government do something, it will necessarily involve the wielding of political power and coercion. The word “regulate” means “you have to”, not “if you want to”.

    Larry @ 2 — good stuff. :-)

  • Porcell

    The top ten signs that you too might be a victim of pro-government sentiment might be that:

    1. The center of the universe is inside the Beltway.

    2.The good people are entitled to the nirvana of entitlements.

    3.The Supreme Court may creatively interpret the Constitution.

    4.The people shall defer to their wise, technocratic leaders.

    5. Religion shall be strictly kept out of the public square.

    6. States shall be subservient to the Beltway.

    7.The New York Times and Washington Post are canonical.

    8. The Wall Street Journal is the Anti-Statism heresy

    9. Franklin Roosevelt is a saint, vetted by the New York Times

    10. Barack Obama shall in due course become a saint, vetted by the Reverend Jeremiah Wright and the Weatherman, Bill Ayers.

  • Porcell

    The top ten signs that you too might be a victim of pro-government sentiment might be that:

    1. The center of the universe is inside the Beltway.

    2.The good people are entitled to the nirvana of entitlements.

    3.The Supreme Court may creatively interpret the Constitution.

    4.The people shall defer to their wise, technocratic leaders.

    5. Religion shall be strictly kept out of the public square.

    6. States shall be subservient to the Beltway.

    7.The New York Times and Washington Post are canonical.

    8. The Wall Street Journal is the Anti-Statism heresy

    9. Franklin Roosevelt is a saint, vetted by the New York Times

    10. Barack Obama shall in due course become a saint, vetted by the Reverend Jeremiah Wright and the Weatherman, Bill Ayers.

  • larry

    Thanks Don. I wrote meaning a kind of a tongue cheek counter parallel to the original post in the sentiment to which Bike Bubba is alluding.

  • larry

    Thanks Don. I wrote meaning a kind of a tongue cheek counter parallel to the original post in the sentiment to which Bike Bubba is alluding.

  • helen

    Bike Bubba @ 3
    Personally, I think it would be very healthy for the “body politic” if both sides of the aisle asked a simple question before passing any legislation or allowing any regulation; “would I trust my political opponents with this power?”

    Excellent suggestion!
    In hindsight, the conservatives of Missouri synod should have asked it before they handed JAO Preus quite so much (which he didn’t use sufficiently at that time, to our regret now).
    And I imagine our former SP wished he had asked that, too, last July.
    (But I also imagine he is working full time to rectify the situation, from his POV.)
    –”the conspiracy theorist”

  • helen

    Bike Bubba @ 3
    Personally, I think it would be very healthy for the “body politic” if both sides of the aisle asked a simple question before passing any legislation or allowing any regulation; “would I trust my political opponents with this power?”

    Excellent suggestion!
    In hindsight, the conservatives of Missouri synod should have asked it before they handed JAO Preus quite so much (which he didn’t use sufficiently at that time, to our regret now).
    And I imagine our former SP wished he had asked that, too, last July.
    (But I also imagine he is working full time to rectify the situation, from his POV.)
    –”the conspiracy theorist”

  • Joe

    “And I imagine our former SP wished he had asked that, too, last July.”

    He was asked and he said he was against the restructuring plan. But it passed anyway.

  • Joe

    “And I imagine our former SP wished he had asked that, too, last July.”

    He was asked and he said he was against the restructuring plan. But it passed anyway.

  • helen

    No, Joe, our present SP was against the “restructuring”. It passed; then Harrison was elected and handed the mess to sort out.
    Current explanation is in the May Lutheran Witness, said to be on line somewhere. [I must remember to pick up my mail, for print.]

    The “all power to the top restructuring” was tailored by the former SP’s Blue Ribbon Task Force (please, I can’t remember the rest of the title!) for Him.

  • helen

    No, Joe, our present SP was against the “restructuring”. It passed; then Harrison was elected and handed the mess to sort out.
    Current explanation is in the May Lutheran Witness, said to be on line somewhere. [I must remember to pick up my mail, for print.]

    The “all power to the top restructuring” was tailored by the former SP’s Blue Ribbon Task Force (please, I can’t remember the rest of the title!) for Him.

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com Bike Bubba

    Tom #5: :^)

    (and guilty on my part.)

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com Bike Bubba

    Tom #5: :^)

    (and guilty on my part.)

  • http://carolmsblog.blogspot.com/ Carol-Christian Soldier

    # 7 -
    may just have to ‘swipe’ your list as it states exactly what I was thinking in regard to list on the main post…–and- if I ‘swipe’ yours – I can just cut an paste-
    will give you credit though!
    OK-I’ll send folks over here!
    C-CS

  • http://carolmsblog.blogspot.com/ Carol-Christian Soldier

    # 7 -
    may just have to ‘swipe’ your list as it states exactly what I was thinking in regard to list on the main post…–and- if I ‘swipe’ yours – I can just cut an paste-
    will give you credit though!
    OK-I’ll send folks over here!
    C-CS

  • helen

    Porcell @ 7 re #10

    Mere sainthood would be a demotion for Obama, wouldn’t it?
    I distinctly heard him referred to as a “messiah” during his campaign.
    I think some would even capitalize it, then.
    Wonder what they think now….

  • helen

    Porcell @ 7 re #10

    Mere sainthood would be a demotion for Obama, wouldn’t it?
    I distinctly heard him referred to as a “messiah” during his campaign.
    I think some would even capitalize it, then.
    Wonder what they think now….

  • LAJ

    Enjoyed you post at 2, Larry! Thanks for the humorous response.

  • LAJ

    Enjoyed you post at 2, Larry! Thanks for the humorous response.

  • http://enterthevein.wordpress.com J. Dean

    I agree with Bike Bubba; political distrust too often is more about who is in office.

    Frankly, seeing all men as sinners, I think it doesn’t make sense to trust any government

  • http://enterthevein.wordpress.com J. Dean

    I agree with Bike Bubba; political distrust too often is more about who is in office.

    Frankly, seeing all men as sinners, I think it doesn’t make sense to trust any government

  • Tom Hering

    What about church government? Pastors, boards, synods? They’re all sinners. Should we trust them? To what degree? And like the church, the civil government is instituted by God, and does His work. At what point does a general attitude of mistrust toward civil government become a mistrust of God?

  • Tom Hering

    What about church government? Pastors, boards, synods? They’re all sinners. Should we trust them? To what degree? And like the church, the civil government is instituted by God, and does His work. At what point does a general attitude of mistrust toward civil government become a mistrust of God?

  • larry

    I don’t think one has to carte blanche distrust every institution or vocation, but exercise some discernment. Even Luther in an at length sermon on which pastors (office of pastors) come through the sheep door versus the wolves in sheep’s clothing who merely add to Christ states clearly that the sheep have both the power and authority given by Christ Himself to assess the sermon and to not receive that which is not of Christ.

    So its more an exercise of discernment avoiding paranoid distrust of very rustling leaf on one hand and “skipping down the road” blind trust on the other hand.

    Otherwise you distrust so much you completely throw the baby out with the bath water.

  • larry

    I don’t think one has to carte blanche distrust every institution or vocation, but exercise some discernment. Even Luther in an at length sermon on which pastors (office of pastors) come through the sheep door versus the wolves in sheep’s clothing who merely add to Christ states clearly that the sheep have both the power and authority given by Christ Himself to assess the sermon and to not receive that which is not of Christ.

    So its more an exercise of discernment avoiding paranoid distrust of very rustling leaf on one hand and “skipping down the road” blind trust on the other hand.

    Otherwise you distrust so much you completely throw the baby out with the bath water.


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