The genderless child

A Toronto couple is raising their baby to be genderless, refusing to identify the child either as a boy or a girl, so that he or she can choose his or her own sexual identity. The baby, named Storm, is now 4 months old.  This article explains how the parents are managing this:    Parents keep child’s gender secret – Parentcentral.ca.

But I thought we were supposed to believe that sexual identity is not a choice, but rather an innate condition, that, in the words of Lady Gaga, “I was born this way.”  So it is a choice after all?  And nature must have nothing to do with it?

This sounds like another form of child sacrifice to me.

About Gene Veith

Professor of Literature at Patrick Henry College, the Director of the Cranach Institute at Concordia Theological Seminary, a columnist for World Magazine and TableTalk, and the author of 18 books on different facets of Christianity & Culture.

  • Pete

    Nah – I’m guessing that, even if the parents are too stupid to figure thus out, the kid will before too long. This is a good argument for licensing for parents – this crowd should lose theirs!

  • Pete

    Nah – I’m guessing that, even if the parents are too stupid to figure thus out, the kid will before too long. This is a good argument for licensing for parents – this crowd should lose theirs!

  • Dan Kempin

    Parents using their children to get attention. Just another shade to the many colors of child abuse. Poor kid.

    Hey, maybe they can free their child from further constraints by not teaching the colors and letting him/her choose one day what the colors should be!

  • Dan Kempin

    Parents using their children to get attention. Just another shade to the many colors of child abuse. Poor kid.

    Hey, maybe they can free their child from further constraints by not teaching the colors and letting him/her choose one day what the colors should be!

  • Amy

    I’ve been following this story for a while. The thing that stands out to me is that the parents supposedly allow their older children the freedom to choose what they want to wear, how they wear their hair, etc., “free” from gender norms, and yet both of the older children, both boys, seem drawn toward more feminine styles and toys. Somehow I have to believe that they were guided in that direction, because if they weren’t, surely there would be some boyish traits developing, either in dress or play. It also broke my heart to read that the oldest has to beg his mother to correct people when they mistake him for a girl. He clearly wants people to know he’s a boy, as he’s brought it up on several occasions, so I would think that if they were truly following the children’s choices she would go ahead and start volunteering that information. But she won’t. He doesn’t want to go to public school because he doesn’t want people to think he’s a girl. There’s something very wrong with this picture. Children should not have to be their own advocates. That’s what parents are for.

    The whole thing makes me very sad. Regardless of my feelings on sexuality and gender identity, children are not science experiments, and it seems that at least one of the children is already feeling conflicted.

  • Amy

    I’ve been following this story for a while. The thing that stands out to me is that the parents supposedly allow their older children the freedom to choose what they want to wear, how they wear their hair, etc., “free” from gender norms, and yet both of the older children, both boys, seem drawn toward more feminine styles and toys. Somehow I have to believe that they were guided in that direction, because if they weren’t, surely there would be some boyish traits developing, either in dress or play. It also broke my heart to read that the oldest has to beg his mother to correct people when they mistake him for a girl. He clearly wants people to know he’s a boy, as he’s brought it up on several occasions, so I would think that if they were truly following the children’s choices she would go ahead and start volunteering that information. But she won’t. He doesn’t want to go to public school because he doesn’t want people to think he’s a girl. There’s something very wrong with this picture. Children should not have to be their own advocates. That’s what parents are for.

    The whole thing makes me very sad. Regardless of my feelings on sexuality and gender identity, children are not science experiments, and it seems that at least one of the children is already feeling conflicted.

  • http://www.challies.com Tim Challies

    It may be worth taking a look at this article: http://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/born-this-way/37016. It shows that even the gay community isn’t completely happy with Lady Gaga’s song…

  • http://www.challies.com Tim Challies

    It may be worth taking a look at this article: http://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/born-this-way/37016. It shows that even the gay community isn’t completely happy with Lady Gaga’s song…

  • Rose

    “This sounds like another form of child sacrifice to me.”
    Dr. Veith, this could be the theme of your next book.
    One unspoken reason the country has been transfixed by the Caylee trial is that her death seemed to be a form of child sacrifice.
    We’re back to Abraham with God’s message:
    “Don’t sacrifice your children.”
    Another unspoken conclusion of the Caylee trial:
    Fathers are needed to protect their children.
    From unstable mothers, if need be.
    We need to teach our sons that one day they will be held accountable for each of their sperm that created a child.

  • Rose

    “This sounds like another form of child sacrifice to me.”
    Dr. Veith, this could be the theme of your next book.
    One unspoken reason the country has been transfixed by the Caylee trial is that her death seemed to be a form of child sacrifice.
    We’re back to Abraham with God’s message:
    “Don’t sacrifice your children.”
    Another unspoken conclusion of the Caylee trial:
    Fathers are needed to protect their children.
    From unstable mothers, if need be.
    We need to teach our sons that one day they will be held accountable for each of their sperm that created a child.

  • http://www.matthewcochran.net/blog Matt Cochran

    I blogged on this myself recently. It’s a sad rejection of the vocation of parent. They might as well require Storm to pay for his own food and shelter rather than force him to accept the narrow options that they provide. They might as well let him defecate wherever he chooses rather than subject him to the cultural hegemony of toilets. There are some choices that a child is simply unequipped to make. An essential part of parenting is making good choices for your child and ensuring that they abide by them. If parents refuse this, then the children will never be equipped to make good choices for themselves.

    And as Amy points out, there are plenty of indications that they’re not really letting the children choose as much as they think they are. The parents are driven by a radical gender ideology, and it’s far more likely that they’re still teaching that to their children–they’re just doing it passive-aggressively.

  • http://www.matthewcochran.net/blog Matt Cochran

    I blogged on this myself recently. It’s a sad rejection of the vocation of parent. They might as well require Storm to pay for his own food and shelter rather than force him to accept the narrow options that they provide. They might as well let him defecate wherever he chooses rather than subject him to the cultural hegemony of toilets. There are some choices that a child is simply unequipped to make. An essential part of parenting is making good choices for your child and ensuring that they abide by them. If parents refuse this, then the children will never be equipped to make good choices for themselves.

    And as Amy points out, there are plenty of indications that they’re not really letting the children choose as much as they think they are. The parents are driven by a radical gender ideology, and it’s far more likely that they’re still teaching that to their children–they’re just doing it passive-aggressively.

  • Jeremy

    What about children born with both male and female genitalia? What if a “gay gene” is discovered? It seems we are much more obsessed about gender than our creator.

  • Jeremy

    What about children born with both male and female genitalia? What if a “gay gene” is discovered? It seems we are much more obsessed about gender than our creator.

  • Mary Jack

    Jeremy @7, children with either abnormal chromosomes or genitalia need our understanding. But losing an understanding of gender is not a replacement for recognizing the two standard genders. And if a gay gene were discovered, what does that matter? We don’t define people by their genes, as those one gene determines all.

  • Mary Jack

    Jeremy @7, children with either abnormal chromosomes or genitalia need our understanding. But losing an understanding of gender is not a replacement for recognizing the two standard genders. And if a gay gene were discovered, what does that matter? We don’t define people by their genes, as those one gene determines all.

  • Booklover

    If I was their teen-age son, I would continually call the mom “Bob,” and the dad, “Sue,” until they agreed to recognize my correct sex. Or I would remove the mother’s panty drawer of silk things and fill it with long boxers. Call it retributive, I call it survival.

    Or I would go live with grandma.

    I have noticed that people with unconventional ideas fail to experiment on themselves. They USE others.

  • Booklover

    If I was their teen-age son, I would continually call the mom “Bob,” and the dad, “Sue,” until they agreed to recognize my correct sex. Or I would remove the mother’s panty drawer of silk things and fill it with long boxers. Call it retributive, I call it survival.

    Or I would go live with grandma.

    I have noticed that people with unconventional ideas fail to experiment on themselves. They USE others.

  • http://gslcnm.com Pastor Phil Spomer

    If one is talking about women’s rights then sexuality/gender is all choice, because biology is not destiny. And if you think it is, then you’re a sexist, and must be banned from public discourse. However…
    If one is talking about gay rights then sexuality/gender is all genetically determined, because biology is destiny. And if you think it isn’t, then you’re homophobic, and must be banned from public discourse.

    This issue with the baby in Toronto reminds me of that old spiritual, “Sometimes I feel like a genderless child.”

  • http://gslcnm.com Pastor Phil Spomer

    If one is talking about women’s rights then sexuality/gender is all choice, because biology is not destiny. And if you think it is, then you’re a sexist, and must be banned from public discourse. However…
    If one is talking about gay rights then sexuality/gender is all genetically determined, because biology is destiny. And if you think it isn’t, then you’re homophobic, and must be banned from public discourse.

    This issue with the baby in Toronto reminds me of that old spiritual, “Sometimes I feel like a genderless child.”

  • Tom Hering

    We should see ourselves in this story. We all value a culture of personal freedom. We all find “authenticity” by identifying ourselves as outsiders (even Christians and political conservatives do this). We all approve some form of rebellion against somebody or something. So why are any of us surprised that some folks take it a step further?

  • Tom Hering

    We should see ourselves in this story. We all value a culture of personal freedom. We all find “authenticity” by identifying ourselves as outsiders (even Christians and political conservatives do this). We all approve some form of rebellion against somebody or something. So why are any of us surprised that some folks take it a step further?

  • http://hipandthigh.blogspot.com Fred Butler

    I always wonder about parents who name their children weird things, like “Storm.” Did they watch too much American Gladiator growing up?

  • http://hipandthigh.blogspot.com Fred Butler

    I always wonder about parents who name their children weird things, like “Storm.” Did they watch too much American Gladiator growing up?

  • http://lutherama.blogspot.com Dr. Luther in 21st Century

    @7

    Don’t blame God for the results of the Fall. Genetic abnormalities, disease all of that is a result of the Fall. Even chronic stupidity ala the parents of the OP is a result of the Fall. Remember God’s definition of good is perfection. What we see today is not perfection, hence the fact only one since the fall has been called good.

    @1 – Pete, do you really want to go there? Do you want some government functionary setting arbitrary rules on who can have a child and how many? That is where your suggestion leads. I hope you weren’t serious, I could be missing the sarcasm.

    @12 I think they are x-men fans so it could be a give away. The child is a girl ;)

  • http://lutherama.blogspot.com Dr. Luther in 21st Century

    @7

    Don’t blame God for the results of the Fall. Genetic abnormalities, disease all of that is a result of the Fall. Even chronic stupidity ala the parents of the OP is a result of the Fall. Remember God’s definition of good is perfection. What we see today is not perfection, hence the fact only one since the fall has been called good.

    @1 – Pete, do you really want to go there? Do you want some government functionary setting arbitrary rules on who can have a child and how many? That is where your suggestion leads. I hope you weren’t serious, I could be missing the sarcasm.

    @12 I think they are x-men fans so it could be a give away. The child is a girl ;)

  • L. H. Kevil

    May I register a protest at the use of the word “gender” as a substitute for the proper term in this case, “sex?” Parts of speech have genders, as in “la lune” or “der Mond.” People belong to a sex, male or female.

    Radicals on the left have substituted ‘gender’ for ‘sex’ with the intention of convincing us that since ‘sex’ is a social construction – for them arbitrary, oppressive, and unreal – it is better to use the term ‘gender,’ which is more appropriate because it is subjectively real. Thus same-sex marriage is better described as different-gender marriage. But even on this score an infant cannot have a gender, because it is too young to have decided what gender it wishes to become. Of course all this is based on a denial of our created status.

  • L. H. Kevil

    May I register a protest at the use of the word “gender” as a substitute for the proper term in this case, “sex?” Parts of speech have genders, as in “la lune” or “der Mond.” People belong to a sex, male or female.

    Radicals on the left have substituted ‘gender’ for ‘sex’ with the intention of convincing us that since ‘sex’ is a social construction – for them arbitrary, oppressive, and unreal – it is better to use the term ‘gender,’ which is more appropriate because it is subjectively real. Thus same-sex marriage is better described as different-gender marriage. But even on this score an infant cannot have a gender, because it is too young to have decided what gender it wishes to become. Of course all this is based on a denial of our created status.

  • Cincinnatus

    A society can only ignore biology for so long…

    Jeremy@7: The categories of gender and sex apply to the general case. There will always be (and have always been) special cases, such as those you mention, but they don’t demand that we discard the categories altogether. Indeed, it would seem essential that we do not. And you’re claiming that God isn’t concerned with gender/sex? He created it!

  • Cincinnatus

    A society can only ignore biology for so long…

    Jeremy@7: The categories of gender and sex apply to the general case. There will always be (and have always been) special cases, such as those you mention, but they don’t demand that we discard the categories altogether. Indeed, it would seem essential that we do not. And you’re claiming that God isn’t concerned with gender/sex? He created it!

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com bike bubba

    Given that it’s a group of feminists doing this, I’m assuming that “Storm” will be using his Barbie dolls as a pistol in about two years. And Booklover has a great idea for retaliation.

  • http://www.bikebubba.blogspot.com bike bubba

    Given that it’s a group of feminists doing this, I’m assuming that “Storm” will be using his Barbie dolls as a pistol in about two years. And Booklover has a great idea for retaliation.

  • helen

    Booklover’s idea is good, for a teen ager, (if he has a grandmother to go live with…but if he does, why is she putting up with this?).
    Unfortunately, the poor kid has to live to be a teenager first.

    What do the parents get out of making him miserable about being a boy!?

  • helen

    Booklover’s idea is good, for a teen ager, (if he has a grandmother to go live with…but if he does, why is she putting up with this?).
    Unfortunately, the poor kid has to live to be a teenager first.

    What do the parents get out of making him miserable about being a boy!?

  • Cincinnatus

    Whether one believes that the “roles” and activities appropriate to each gender and sex are merely socially constructed or not, the real problem is that our culture increasingly nurtures the suspicion that all social constructs are prima facie oppressive and loathsome. They are to be accordingly rejected. Individual autonomy and infinite self-creation are (and have been for a decade or so) the words of the day.

    What we forget is that the transference (even oppressive transference) of social constructs and duties by our parents is absolutely necessary for communal life and human flourishing.

    This cannot end well.

  • Cincinnatus

    Whether one believes that the “roles” and activities appropriate to each gender and sex are merely socially constructed or not, the real problem is that our culture increasingly nurtures the suspicion that all social constructs are prima facie oppressive and loathsome. They are to be accordingly rejected. Individual autonomy and infinite self-creation are (and have been for a decade or so) the words of the day.

    What we forget is that the transference (even oppressive transference) of social constructs and duties by our parents is absolutely necessary for communal life and human flourishing.

    This cannot end well.

  • DonS

    The comments above summarize things well. Pastor Phil @ 10 — you nailed it. We tend toward rank inconsistency when we’re rebelling against God don’t we?

    Tom @ 11: “So why are any of us surprised that some folks take it a step further?” — granted, but when we rebel, we shouldn’t use our innocent children as the means, should we? If the parents wanted to be “genderless”, then they should have done so. But inflicting that rebellion on the kids — we can see how this ends, and as Cincinnatus said above, it can’t be well.

  • DonS

    The comments above summarize things well. Pastor Phil @ 10 — you nailed it. We tend toward rank inconsistency when we’re rebelling against God don’t we?

    Tom @ 11: “So why are any of us surprised that some folks take it a step further?” — granted, but when we rebel, we shouldn’t use our innocent children as the means, should we? If the parents wanted to be “genderless”, then they should have done so. But inflicting that rebellion on the kids — we can see how this ends, and as Cincinnatus said above, it can’t be well.

  • helen

    When I was a child, growing up on a farm, I loved the outdoor activities. I was allowed to wear overalls (which girls did not do in those days) but only at home. I was often called a “tomboy” but never allowed to forget that I was a girl.

    [I never heard the definition of "tomboy" that I read now on the web.]

    Eventually, adolescence put an end to all that. Looking back, I’m sure it had more to do with needing a child for outdoor chores (I had no brother) and indulgence by my father than anything else.
    [He died when I was 13 and I was abruptedly expected to "grow up".]

  • helen

    When I was a child, growing up on a farm, I loved the outdoor activities. I was allowed to wear overalls (which girls did not do in those days) but only at home. I was often called a “tomboy” but never allowed to forget that I was a girl.

    [I never heard the definition of "tomboy" that I read now on the web.]

    Eventually, adolescence put an end to all that. Looking back, I’m sure it had more to do with needing a child for outdoor chores (I had no brother) and indulgence by my father than anything else.
    [He died when I was 13 and I was abruptedly expected to "grow up".]

  • Anonymous

    “Storm” is too masculine for the child they want.

  • Anonymous

    “Storm” is too masculine for the child they want.

  • Pete

    Dr. Luther @13

    Sarcasm, to be sure.

  • Pete

    Dr. Luther @13

    Sarcasm, to be sure.

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    Heck, that’s nothing! I didn’t have gender until I got married!

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    Heck, that’s nothing! I didn’t have gender until I got married!

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    Sorry, my bad, sex.

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    Sorry, my bad, sex.

  • Tom Hering

    “… inflicting that rebellion on the kids …” – DonS @ 19.

    Aren’t they passing their values on to their kids, just like the rest of us do – even if their values aren’t like ours? Though I’d continue to argue our own values (as morally conservative Christians) are closer to the current social norm (rebellion, outsider identity) than we might care to admit.

  • Tom Hering

    “… inflicting that rebellion on the kids …” – DonS @ 19.

    Aren’t they passing their values on to their kids, just like the rest of us do – even if their values aren’t like ours? Though I’d continue to argue our own values (as morally conservative Christians) are closer to the current social norm (rebellion, outsider identity) than we might care to admit.

  • DonS

    Tom @ 25: Yeah, Tom, I guess so. But, they seem to be operating within the customary Mom-Dad roles. At least, that is the sense I get from the article. Why don’t they go “genderless” themselves, instead of inflicting it on the kid. And, what’s with this statement: “‘What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It’s obnoxious,’ says Stocker.”? How in the heck is this decision of theirs not imposing their choice on their child, and putting him (oh, wait, “Z”) in a difficult position, particularly if his choice would have been to be a real boy?

  • DonS

    Tom @ 25: Yeah, Tom, I guess so. But, they seem to be operating within the customary Mom-Dad roles. At least, that is the sense I get from the article. Why don’t they go “genderless” themselves, instead of inflicting it on the kid. And, what’s with this statement: “‘What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It’s obnoxious,’ says Stocker.”? How in the heck is this decision of theirs not imposing their choice on their child, and putting him (oh, wait, “Z”) in a difficult position, particularly if his choice would have been to be a real boy?

  • Tom Hering

    Don @ 26, we know from the article that the parents have matching haircuts. So I’m not sure they aren’t practicing what they preach – at least to some degree. But yes, they’re fools for not seeing they’re doing the very thing they’re trying not to do. They’re influencing the sexual identity of their children.

  • Tom Hering

    Don @ 26, we know from the article that the parents have matching haircuts. So I’m not sure they aren’t practicing what they preach – at least to some degree. But yes, they’re fools for not seeing they’re doing the very thing they’re trying not to do. They’re influencing the sexual identity of their children.

  • http://enterthevein.blogspot.com J. Dean

    This is garbage. Absolute garbage, plain and simple.

  • http://enterthevein.blogspot.com J. Dean

    This is garbage. Absolute garbage, plain and simple.

  • helen

    Fred B. @ 12
    In church I’ve noticed that boys have pretty conventional names.
    It’s the little girls that have names which could be mistaken for boys’ names,
    or are totally confusing!

  • helen

    Fred B. @ 12
    In church I’ve noticed that boys have pretty conventional names.
    It’s the little girls that have names which could be mistaken for boys’ names,
    or are totally confusing!

  • Jeremy

    “Individual autonomy and infinite self-creation are (and have been for a decade or so) the words of the day.”

    I grew up in a pretty socially conservative community, and I remember how my grandfather said the state had the right to force every male to die for the country and be forced into military service. It was this, and not abortion, women’s rights, or gay rights, that made me reconsider my original views. It was this idea that every male had an instinct to fight and kill.

  • Jeremy

    “Individual autonomy and infinite self-creation are (and have been for a decade or so) the words of the day.”

    I grew up in a pretty socially conservative community, and I remember how my grandfather said the state had the right to force every male to die for the country and be forced into military service. It was this, and not abortion, women’s rights, or gay rights, that made me reconsider my original views. It was this idea that every male had an instinct to fight and kill.

  • Cincinnatus

    Yeah, you’re right Jeremy: we should destroy the entire idea of gender and sexuality because your grandfather supported the draft.

    Somebody’s trollin’.

  • Cincinnatus

    Yeah, you’re right Jeremy: we should destroy the entire idea of gender and sexuality because your grandfather supported the draft.

    Somebody’s trollin’.

  • Jeremy

    Calm down, Cincinnatus. Re-read what I said. I never said anything about “destroying the entire idea of gender and sexuality”. Where did that come from? I’m merely suggesting we need to be careful when we rigidly enforce male and female roles, as it can have disastrous consequences for men as well.

  • Jeremy

    Calm down, Cincinnatus. Re-read what I said. I never said anything about “destroying the entire idea of gender and sexuality”. Where did that come from? I’m merely suggesting we need to be careful when we rigidly enforce male and female roles, as it can have disastrous consequences for men as well.

  • Cincinnatus

    Yeah, sure, I think we all agree. But are you constructing some outrageous straw man for yourself? No one here said that we should raise our boys to be vicious killers. To whom are you responding exactly?

  • Cincinnatus

    Yeah, sure, I think we all agree. But are you constructing some outrageous straw man for yourself? No one here said that we should raise our boys to be vicious killers. To whom are you responding exactly?

  • Jeremy

    Cincinnatus,

    While I think all but the most radical feminists believe there are inherit differences in the sexes, historically people have suffered more from gender stereotypes being enforced too much instead of too little.
    I’m not defending the parent’s behavior here at all, and speaking of straw men, I can’t see how anyone couldn’t find this article as a straw man, as we can only name a handful of parents in the world doing this. But back to my point, people often discuss how much women have suffered from rigid gender roles, but it’s rarely brought up for men. Just as a small example, I’ve known several boys who were sent to military school as kids because their parents didn’t think they were “tough enough”, and to say the least, it was a living hell for these boys. How many boys and men throughout history were forced into military service and ended up maimed or dead? I think we should err on the side of being cautious about assuming too much of somebody because of his gender.

  • Jeremy

    Cincinnatus,

    While I think all but the most radical feminists believe there are inherit differences in the sexes, historically people have suffered more from gender stereotypes being enforced too much instead of too little.
    I’m not defending the parent’s behavior here at all, and speaking of straw men, I can’t see how anyone couldn’t find this article as a straw man, as we can only name a handful of parents in the world doing this. But back to my point, people often discuss how much women have suffered from rigid gender roles, but it’s rarely brought up for men. Just as a small example, I’ve known several boys who were sent to military school as kids because their parents didn’t think they were “tough enough”, and to say the least, it was a living hell for these boys. How many boys and men throughout history were forced into military service and ended up maimed or dead? I think we should err on the side of being cautious about assuming too much of somebody because of his gender.

  • Lou

    Bike Bubba, I’m not sure I agree that feminists are behind this. I truly think this is more about GLBT activism. A lot of ‘traditional’ feminists (ie, second wave) are not happy about the more contemporary gender blurring movement.

  • Lou

    Bike Bubba, I’m not sure I agree that feminists are behind this. I truly think this is more about GLBT activism. A lot of ‘traditional’ feminists (ie, second wave) are not happy about the more contemporary gender blurring movement.

  • Michael Z.

    Lewis would have something to say about this…(just finishing up “That Hideous Strength”)

  • Michael Z.

    Lewis would have something to say about this…(just finishing up “That Hideous Strength”)

  • Helen F

    Sick, sick, sick!!!

  • Helen F

    Sick, sick, sick!!!

  • http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/Contemporary-English-Version-CEV-Bible/ sg

    “While I think all but the most radical feminists believe there are inherit differences in the sexes, historically people have suffered more from gender stereotypes being enforced too much instead of too little.”

    Like what?

  • http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/Contemporary-English-Version-CEV-Bible/ sg

    “While I think all but the most radical feminists believe there are inherit differences in the sexes, historically people have suffered more from gender stereotypes being enforced too much instead of too little.”

    Like what?

  • http://enterthevein.blogspot.com J. Dean

    Stereotypes are not always incorrect. Nor are they always to be shunned.

  • http://enterthevein.blogspot.com J. Dean

    Stereotypes are not always incorrect. Nor are they always to be shunned.

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