Epic fails

Do you read the mad-cap sports columnist Norman Chad?  His latest column is about the mystery of Albert Pujols, the St. Louis Cardinals superstar–who has hit an average of 40 home runs each season with a career .326 batting average–who can now do hardly anything (one home run, batting .196) after being paid a quarter of a billion dollars to join the California Angels.

Chad wonders if the Pujols deal might join his top five flops of all time:

●New Coke (1985): Was anybody complaining about Coca-Cola? What were they thinking? This was like adding skylights and terraces to the Pyramids.

●Chevy Chase’s talk show (1993): Magic Johnson’s talk show actually was worse, but he was a point guard; Chase is an entertainer.

●Ben-Gay Aspirin (1990s): Yes, Ben-Gay Aspirin. For real. I mean, I’ll smear that delightfully smelly stuff on my back, but do I care to swallow it?

●Dennis Miller on “Monday Night Football” (2000-01): I still have nightmares of the former funny guy referring to Coach Mike Shanahan as “Shanny” 37 times in four quarters.

●Susan B. Anthony dollar (1979-81, 1999): Hey, I was as big a fan of women’s suffrage as the next guy, but I don’t want some feminist coin rolling around my pocket ruining the feng shui of my favorite quarters and dimes.

via Couch Slouch: Albert Pujols’s California dreams quickly turn to nightmares – The Washington Post.

What are some other epic failures?

About Gene Veith

Professor of Literature at Patrick Henry College, the Director of the Cranach Institute at Concordia Theological Seminary, a columnist for World Magazine and TableTalk, and the author of 18 books on different facets of Christianity & Culture.

  • Jacob

    Dennis Miller had a second epic fail. He has a talk show on radio. He is libertarianish-conservative and he interviews people. Although he is not a limousine liberal, he is still a creature of Hollywood, and this shows up in the way he talks. So who should he interview but Henry Kissinger, who may speak English but he does not do Valley-speak. Miller addressed him as “Henry Baby”! I kid you not. Miller had some Buckleyesque questions like, “So Henry Baby, what’s the deal with this nuclear proliferation thing and Iran?” It went on for ten minutes like that, until Miller mercifully released Kissinger for a commercial break. But ten minutes of “Henry Baby” this, “Henry Baby” that. You can’t imagine… I hope there is an audio archive somewhere one can download. It would be a shame for such a treasure to be lost to history.

  • Jacob

    Dennis Miller had a second epic fail. He has a talk show on radio. He is libertarianish-conservative and he interviews people. Although he is not a limousine liberal, he is still a creature of Hollywood, and this shows up in the way he talks. So who should he interview but Henry Kissinger, who may speak English but he does not do Valley-speak. Miller addressed him as “Henry Baby”! I kid you not. Miller had some Buckleyesque questions like, “So Henry Baby, what’s the deal with this nuclear proliferation thing and Iran?” It went on for ten minutes like that, until Miller mercifully released Kissinger for a commercial break. But ten minutes of “Henry Baby” this, “Henry Baby” that. You can’t imagine… I hope there is an audio archive somewhere one can download. It would be a shame for such a treasure to be lost to history.

  • Pete

    Philadelphia Phillies – 1964.

  • Pete

    Philadelphia Phillies – 1964.

  • Michael B.

    As a Cardinals fan, I have to say I found somewhat of a sadistic pleasure in Pujols’s less-than-stellar performance after ditching the Cardinals.

  • Michael B.

    As a Cardinals fan, I have to say I found somewhat of a sadistic pleasure in Pujols’s less-than-stellar performance after ditching the Cardinals.

  • Tom Hering

    Cranach’s hosting service.

  • Tom Hering

    Cranach’s hosting service.

  • Tom Hering

    Middle East nation-building.

  • Tom Hering

    Middle East nation-building.

  • Tom Hering

    Deregulating the financial sector.

  • Tom Hering

    Deregulating the financial sector.

  • Pete

    And how about Mallory and Irvine’s 1924 Everest expedition? Two possible scenarios: Either they made it to within 100 yards of the summit and died (which certainly qualifies as an epic fail) or, far worse, they made it to the top then died not far from it on their descent. Icarus-type stuff.

  • Pete

    And how about Mallory and Irvine’s 1924 Everest expedition? Two possible scenarios: Either they made it to within 100 yards of the summit and died (which certainly qualifies as an epic fail) or, far worse, they made it to the top then died not far from it on their descent. Icarus-type stuff.

  • SKPeterson

    Tom @ 6 – We haven’t deregulated the financial sector. We have reregulated it by replacing one foolish regulatory scheme which encourages outrageous behavior by spending money created out of thin air with another equally inane set of regulations created as a combination government make-work jobs and Wall Street favorite financial insurance underwriting scheme. We simply traded an implicit “too big to fail” bailout program of regulations with one that is now much more explicit. XXX-rated explicit even.

  • SKPeterson

    Tom @ 6 – We haven’t deregulated the financial sector. We have reregulated it by replacing one foolish regulatory scheme which encourages outrageous behavior by spending money created out of thin air with another equally inane set of regulations created as a combination government make-work jobs and Wall Street favorite financial insurance underwriting scheme. We simply traded an implicit “too big to fail” bailout program of regulations with one that is now much more explicit. XXX-rated explicit even.

  • SKPeterson

    I forgot to add. Greatest epic fail of the 20th Century: Communism.

  • SKPeterson

    I forgot to add. Greatest epic fail of the 20th Century: Communism.

  • Kirk

    Wait, has Carl not been here yet? Well then, allow me:

    Barry Soreoto and his liberal socialist nazi traitor feminist gay muslim terrorist thug black panther demonrat ilk in the White House.

    ZING!

  • Kirk

    Wait, has Carl not been here yet? Well then, allow me:

    Barry Soreoto and his liberal socialist nazi traitor feminist gay muslim terrorist thug black panther demonrat ilk in the White House.

    ZING!

  • trotk

    The two party system and America’s international interventions over the last 50 years.

  • trotk

    The two party system and America’s international interventions over the last 50 years.

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Emergent churches

    Any number of first round draft picks in any sport

    SgU younger and edgier = craptacular

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Emergent churches

    Any number of first round draft picks in any sport

    SgU younger and edgier = craptacular

  • http://facebook.com/mesamike Mike Westfall

    The use of “Epic” when what you really mean is “Spectacular.”

  • http://facebook.com/mesamike Mike Westfall

    The use of “Epic” when what you really mean is “Spectacular.”

  • formerly just steve

    John Edwards

  • formerly just steve

    John Edwards

  • Dan Kempin

    Ishtar

    the Yugo

    Lindows

    Connie Chung

  • Dan Kempin

    Ishtar

    the Yugo

    Lindows

    Connie Chung

  • Kirk

    Harold Camping

  • Kirk

    Harold Camping

  • Norman Teigen

    Mitt Romney for President, 2012.

    Norman Teigen, Layman
    Evangelical Lutheran Symod

  • Norman Teigen

    Mitt Romney for President, 2012.

    Norman Teigen, Layman
    Evangelical Lutheran Symod

  • formerly just steve

    Wow, that’s funny. First we have Harold Camping with his failed predictions in post 16 then we have Norman with his failed prediction in post 17. :)

  • formerly just steve

    Wow, that’s funny. First we have Harold Camping with his failed predictions in post 16 then we have Norman with his failed prediction in post 17. :)

  • Med Student

    The 2008 Detroit Lions (at least people don’t laugh anymore when I tell them I’m a fan).

  • Med Student

    The 2008 Detroit Lions (at least people don’t laugh anymore when I tell them I’m a fan).

  • rlewer

    The multi-trillion dollar stimulus

  • rlewer

    The multi-trillion dollar stimulus

  • Norman Teigen

    Who is Harold Camping?

  • Norman Teigen

    Who is Harold Camping?

  • http://www.whenisayrunrun.blogspot.com Andrew

    This pun…

    The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  • http://www.whenisayrunrun.blogspot.com Andrew

    This pun…

    The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  • Stephen K

    Everything on Pirate Christian Radio but Issues Etc.

  • Stephen K

    Everything on Pirate Christian Radio but Issues Etc.

  • mikeb

    Michael B. @ 3

    +1

    Carlos Beltran is good for a while and our future will be built on David Freese

    And now back to Epic Failures….

  • mikeb

    Michael B. @ 3

    +1

    Carlos Beltran is good for a while and our future will be built on David Freese

    And now back to Epic Failures….

  • mikeb

    …The 44th president
    …Chris Matthews on Jeopardy!
    …anything with “New” on the label

  • mikeb

    …The 44th president
    …Chris Matthews on Jeopardy!
    …anything with “New” on the label

  • #4 Kitty

    Matrix II & III
    Star Wars I, II, II, V, VI
    George Lucas

  • #4 Kitty

    Matrix II & III
    Star Wars I, II, II, V, VI
    George Lucas

  • Richard

    “Pirates of the Caribbean, Part III.”

  • Richard

    “Pirates of the Caribbean, Part III.”

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Kitty you must have really hated Episode II.

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Kitty you must have really hated Episode II.

  • SKPeterson

    Stephen @ 23 – I love all the stuff pn PCR. Even TTR which is the epitome of failure.

  • SKPeterson

    Stephen @ 23 – I love all the stuff pn PCR. Even TTR which is the epitome of failure.

  • mikeb

    …White House inserting Obama into history.
    …Endtime “Preppers” (if the world ends, a 6 month supply of Spam will do you no good!)
    …Windows ME and Windows 7
    …Superman III
    …The person whose job it was to check out the Yahoo CEO’s resume before the job offer

  • mikeb

    …White House inserting Obama into history.
    …Endtime “Preppers” (if the world ends, a 6 month supply of Spam will do you no good!)
    …Windows ME and Windows 7
    …Superman III
    …The person whose job it was to check out the Yahoo CEO’s resume before the job offer

  • #4 Kitty

    @Dr Luther in the 21st Century
    I can’t even hate watch it.

  • #4 Kitty

    @Dr Luther in the 21st Century
    I can’t even hate watch it.

  • Bob

    Jacob,

    I almost fell on the floor laughing about Dennis Miller “interviewing” Henry Kissinger. I’m really glad you shared that!

  • Bob

    Jacob,

    I almost fell on the floor laughing about Dennis Miller “interviewing” Henry Kissinger. I’m really glad you shared that!

  • formerly just steve

    Piggybacking onto Kitty’s movie theme…

    The Godfather Part III (the most epic of all epic sequel fails)

  • formerly just steve

    Piggybacking onto Kitty’s movie theme…

    The Godfather Part III (the most epic of all epic sequel fails)

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Win 7 is an epic fail? Win Vista I can see, but Win 7 has run very well and been very stable on all my windows machines.

  • Dr. Luther in the 21st Century

    Win 7 is an epic fail? Win Vista I can see, but Win 7 has run very well and been very stable on all my windows machines.

  • Bob

    Norman,

    Harold Camping predicted the end of the world a year or two back — twice, I believe.

  • Bob

    Norman,

    Harold Camping predicted the end of the world a year or two back — twice, I believe.

  • Norman Teigen

    Thanks, Bob. Now I remember the situation but didn’t connect the name.

  • Norman Teigen

    Thanks, Bob. Now I remember the situation but didn’t connect the name.

  • Stephen K

    SKPeterson 29

    How can anyone tolerate that Fighing for the Faith garbage on PCR? Those commericals and the host bragging, dumb jokes that he giggles at, the whining and groaning, his lack understanding of the Lutheran Faith….I’d rather be water boarded than be forced to listen to that non-sense. FftF is an Epic Fail!

  • Stephen K

    SKPeterson 29

    How can anyone tolerate that Fighing for the Faith garbage on PCR? Those commericals and the host bragging, dumb jokes that he giggles at, the whining and groaning, his lack understanding of the Lutheran Faith….I’d rather be water boarded than be forced to listen to that non-sense. FftF is an Epic Fail!

  • Klasie Kraalogies

    Windows 7 – some might not like it, but it is not a failure. Same with Star Wars etc. Failing by an objective standard (financially, attendance, scoreboard) is something entirely different from failing by a subjective standard (taste, preference etc.). Actually, identifying any of the latter as “epic failures” is a rather significant failure in grasping and understanding the world around you…

    But back to epic failures … What about Greek economics? Or Icelandic banking deregulation? Or Newt’s bid for the White House? Or Vic Toew’s internet regulation bill ? (Ok, that last one few of you will know about – you might SKP?)

  • Klasie Kraalogies

    Windows 7 – some might not like it, but it is not a failure. Same with Star Wars etc. Failing by an objective standard (financially, attendance, scoreboard) is something entirely different from failing by a subjective standard (taste, preference etc.). Actually, identifying any of the latter as “epic failures” is a rather significant failure in grasping and understanding the world around you…

    But back to epic failures … What about Greek economics? Or Icelandic banking deregulation? Or Newt’s bid for the White House? Or Vic Toew’s internet regulation bill ? (Ok, that last one few of you will know about – you might SKP?)


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