Simulated relationships 

Simulated relationships  January 5, 2017

11103892_f57d05a21e_oWhy do we often take celebrity deaths so hard?  According to Rev. Travis Berg, citing various experts, it’s because we form “simulated relationships.”  Our impulse to form friendships is displaced onto people we don’t really know, except from the characters they play or their personalities projected by the media.

In our high-tech, low-interaction culture, those kinds of “para-social relationships” are all some people have!  In contrast, God wants us to love actual people and to be part of actual communities in the family, church, and society.

From Rev. Travis Berg, Celebrity Deaths and Simulated Relationships – Steadfast Lutherans:

We all need and desire to belong. Television, movies, and social media all simulate community. Halpern writes, “Gradually, over the course of many episodes, viewers come to feel that they know a fictional persona.”[5]

This is known as the theory of para-social relationships. Promoted by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl, this theory explains the emotional attachment which men and women feel toward their favorite characters and the heartbreak which occurs when the show is canceled or the actor/actress dies.

Halpern corroborates this theory which his own experience: “After watching dozens of “Cheers” episodes, I felt as if I knew the personas in the show intimately. In fact, there were times when I’d seen more of the characters on “Cheers” than I’d seen of the people in my own family.”

Why? Why would people prefer these illusionary, simulated relationships to real ones? The first reason is time. It’s easier to sit at home and binge watch a few seasons of a show than to meet up with people who have busy lives like ours.

The second and more disturbing reason is that para-relationships are easier. Think about it: “The truth is we all yearn for companionship. The only problem is that for many of us, myself included, the notion of a well-functioning family and a welcoming group of friends and co-workers is occasionally more easily found on television or in the movies than life itself.”[7]

Para-relationships are easy. The character is dependable, stable. Even if he is a bad guy, you know that he’s going to be consistently bad. He may betray others, but he never betrays you. Even though he may have struggles, he inevitably bounces back.

Para-relationships are easy, but they are illusionary. They are like clouds without rain or a mirage in a vast desert. While you may have the feeling of being a member of a group, in reality, you are more alone and isolated than ever.

Real relationships are hard. People are sinners. Once you get past the thin veneer of respectability, you will always find warts. And, let’s face it, sinners let you down. They aren’t always constant in their actions or behavior. They sin against us. They can hurt us badly.

And that’s not even dealing with the pragmatic issues. It’s hard to coordinate busy schedules. It’s hard to find common interests with others. And sometimes, they don’t bounce back from the tragedies of life. Sometimes, people are changed by trauma.

Does it take time and a tremendous amount of energy to form real relationships? Of course.  And yet, this is the way in which God wants us to live together. Our Triune God wants us to live together in families and in local communities and in nations.

[Keep reading. . .]

 

Photo by Geoffrey Chandler, “Friends,” Creative Commons License

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