An Analysis of the Cognitive Patterns of the Common House Ivy
IVY: Oh please dad, I have to go out! I have to go out SO BAD! I have to pee! Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!
[kind-hearted human lets dog out in the backyard]
IVY. Oh my! GRASS! When did this get here?! I love to roll in it!
[rollrollroll]
Isn’t grass the best! It’s so great! I’m going to do this forever!
[stops rolling, sticks nose in air]
Do you smell that?! Does that smell like the best! I think someone 1.3 miles away just started grilling a hamburger. Isn’t hamburger the best!
Oh look chickens! Aren’t chickens the best?! I’m going to see what they’re up to!
[chickens flee]
Oh look a bee! I’m going chase it! Grrr! I’m fierce and will get that bee!
[freezes, pointing in the distance with a one upraised paw]
Did you hear that?! I think a moth farted on the next block! Let’s go see! I must do this because I am dog!
[frustrated human chases dog back inside]
[five minutes pass]
IVY: Oh please dad, I have to go out! I have to go out SO BAD! I have to pee! Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!
[repeat for 10-15 years]