Why I Never Prayed For a Son

Oh women!

Allah raised your status from beneath the ground to the heavens. You were considered nothing— buried alive in Pre-Islamic Arabia— then He elevated you. You are the glad tidings to Jannah for your parents when you are born. You are a best friend to your siblings. You save your spouse from the fire of hell; you complete half his faith. It was for you the Prophet of Allah (pbuh) said, “paradise is beneath the feet of the mothers.”

Jannah is guaranteed under your feet!

So why, after 1436 years of such elevation, do we still think a male child is more valuable than a female child? Why do well-intentioned people still give us advice regarding what to do, recite, or eat in order to conceive a male child?

As the mother of three beautiful girls, this question always has and always will bother me!

I remember how many times I was told to pray for a son. In my third pregnancy, I recall people being sad that I gave birth to a third daughter, assuming my reaction would be the same. But mine was the total opposite: I knew that these three dolls were my ticket to paradise, inshaAllah.

I still have people telling me to try for a boy. SubhaanAllah! Isn’t that in Allah’s hands? During all three of my pregnancies I prayed to Allah to bless me with a pious, happy, healthy child that grows to be the coolness of my eyes.

Didn’t our beloved Prophet (pbuh) once say, “whoever has three daughters, whom he cares for, he is merciful to them, then paradise is certainly required for them”? It was said, “Oh messenger of Allah what if its only 2? Then the Prophet (saw) replied, “Even two.”

OR

The Prophet tells us, “whoever brings up two girls till they reach age of puberty, he and I will come on the day of judgement like this” – and he joined his blessed fingers to show the closeness.

OR

The Prophet (pbuh) said “when a boy is born he brings one light to the home, when a girl is born she brings two lights.”

OR

When Imam Ahmed Ibn Hanbal (RA) would hear that one of his relatives of friends had a daughter he would say to them, “congratulations, for the Prophets were mostly fathers to daughters.”

SubhanAllah! There are so many sayings of the Prophet (ahadeeth) showing the virtue of being the parent of a girl, yet we are constantly reminded to pray for a son. Unfortunately, so many of us are culturally conditioned into believing its okay to prefer male children over female, despite the female child being just as valuable, if not more.

Were WE not one of those female children that people so often don’t advise you to ask for?

From among those daughters are US. We have working moms, teachers, social workers, doctors, nurses, and female scholars, huffaz, and qaariyaahs. We have stay at home mums, who hold the fort down at home and outside, who offer counseling, taxi, referee, a best friend, fashion advice, cooking, cleaning and literally are walking, talking itineraries.

So remind me again, what do we lack that a man has? I prefer to say we girls are more essential and valuable than boys, and that is why our status has been raised from beneath the earth to the heaven where Jannah is only guaranteed when mothers are happy.

We should make it a point to rejoice at the blessings that each girl brings into our home on the day she is born. Rejoice that you have given birth to a future mother of this ummah. Rejoice and show her what she means to you, what pleasure and honour she brings to you while you are raising her, by making her a strong, independent and an empowered WOMAN.

ONE that will hold the fort down and be the Aisha bint Abu Bakr, Fatima bint Muhammad (pbuh), Nusaybah, Shifa, Rabiya Basriya, and the Kareema al Murwiziyah of this Ummah.

Inspire and celebrate them from the moment you lay your eyes on them for the first time till the day you leave them to meet your Lord.

Fatima Mulla Panchbhaya, a mother of three and resident of Toronto, Canada, pursued her advanced Islamic education in the U.K, where she graduated from a six year Islamic theology and jurisprudence course. Over the course of the six years, she completed comprehensive studies of Hadith, Quran, tafseer, aqaa’id, fiqh, Arabic grammar and academics. Over the years she has been teaching Islamic studies to sisters of various age groups in different masajid. Currently, she teaches youth and also helps with a small community Muslim youth club in her local area.