Blissful Moments

What is the meaning of joy? Does it mean you can eat ice cream all day or fill your shoes with sand from the playground as many times as you like? Or maybe it means to swing till you are truly exhausted? Or does it mean you are gifted with a special talent or an exclusive handmade dress? Baking cookies each Friday? Looking forward to the month of Ramadan? Joy is to be found in the small and oh so rich things. True joy can always be found whether one is tall, short, young,old, rich or poor.We … [Read more...]

My Lovey

I had finished praying magrib, and began to unwrap my headscarf.“Sunnah mama?” Maryam asked.That caught me off guard. I had gotten somewhat used to the excuse of being too tired to pray my Sunnah prayers and wasn’t praying them regularly anymore. I’m glad to have someone who calls me out on it."Yes, mama, of course."As I bring my hands up for my two rakat of Sunnah prayers, I’m wondering about her motives. Maybe she’s trying to postpone bedtime, or maybe she’s really learned t … [Read more...]

The “D” word

It feels like drowning in the dark, and you don't know how to swim. Sometimes it feels like the sick feeling you have when you get the news that someone very close to you has a deadly disease. I can go on and on how horrible it feels but it won't be enough. That's what depression feels like.In the beginning nothing worked, I didn't know what was "happening" to me so my kind family doctor gave me anti-depressants. I remember how good they felt, "IT" was over I thought. Yes I didn't feel … [Read more...]

To Him we belong, and to Him is our return.

Being pregnant was a surreal experience for me. I had never liked pets. You probably can’t see the connection between pets and pregnancy, but for a person who was never comfortable around little living, breathing creatures with anatomies that differed from mine, a slight stretch of the imagination is all you need to see what I mean. Plus the two were almost totally absent from my childhood. So when I felt the baby kick, and later hiccup, bend her elbows, and stretch her legs, I was in awe of A … [Read more...]

A Gallon of Milk Means Love

Last night was movie night in our house.  We were camped on on the bed, hubby on one side, me on the other, baby in between, my oldest son teetering on the far edge while his brothers and sister came and went.  They were more interested in fighting space battles with plastic light sabers than watching a shoot-em-up bang-bang movie on TV.The movie was pure action adventure, with an unlikely hero pitted against a stereotypically evil bad guy.  At one point, Bad Guy tells Hero that he must co … [Read more...]

Pause

If I interrupt this silent reverenceWith a hurry up, come, what do you see?I divert her quiet moment with nature,And point it instead at me.At screens, voices, more stimulation,Questions, answers and explanationsBut what really matters, what makes it real,Is that here she learn to listen and feel.Touching the textures and rhythms of creationThis reverence may one day lead to worshipOne day she may hear the pulsing glorificationFrom rocks under foot and leaves over … [Read more...]

The Paper Boy

It was near the end of last summer when my son Mahmood, then eleven years old, got excited about a simple flyer inserted into our local paper.  It was an announcement that a new newspaper carrier was needed for our street.  I, on the other hand, had reservations about the idea.  In my mind, taking on a newspaper route was a lot of work and involved a great deal of logistics.  I let him sleep on it and sure enough, his interest was still alive the next day.  So I told him to go ahead and call the … [Read more...]

Jannah

Tears streamed down my little ones eyes as they said goodbye to their grandparents yet another time. I gave them a hug and whispered reassuringly, “There are no goodbyes in Jannah.”Jannah. Heaven. Paradise. My absolute favorite discussion topic with young children. When a child is able to understand the concept of Jannah they have reached a very important milestone. They know the end game. Their life has direction. They begin to understand that serving Allah SWT is an essential component tha … [Read more...]

Then it Struck me: I am reborn…

 Since my son has opened his eyes to the new, blurry to his eyes, world, I started seeing the world differently. Throughout this last year and the years to come, I am being raised all over again along with my son. I am being recycled as a new human being, but this time with more patience, compassion and appreciation for the value of life. Motherhood has become a necessary ingredient defining me rather than just a name on a birth certificate. Having a child has made me value life. It has made m … [Read more...]

Remembering the Goal

Before getting married, marriage was all we thought about. We thought about it while attending conventions, walking to class, in class, leaving class, and surfing the Internet. “Who will complete half my deen?” It was an all-consuming thought that would sneak into our very core, putting our intentions into question. We even used to say, “Once I’m married, it will be so much easier to memorize Qur’an.” “Once I’m married, I can more easily work for the sake of Allah.” “Once I’m married, I can begin … [Read more...]