The Courage to say “Help Me”

I clench my fists and grind my teeth, but I can tell already that I won’t be able to hold in the onslaught of anger. I’m tired, so tired of refereeing games and wrestling matches; the he took my, she hid my, he hit me, she ate my…. constant bludgeoning of my senses. Sometimes I can’t tell whether the wailing screech I hear is one of pained anguish, or hysterical laughter. The noise level beats me to my knees, and I beseech Allah for peace…. just as bedtime rolls around. I prepare to bask in the q … [Read more...]

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I felt the vibration again. No, it wasn’t my phone. I felt it inside my head, where it’s been happening for the last few days. The vibration would last for hours and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I would wake up in a panic attack, unable to breathe. I was gripped by fear while I was dying again. The emotions always came in one package; the label spelled death.It was the second year since I stopped taking happy pills.  I was making breakfast while grasping for breath, my head still … [Read more...]

Lean In, Lean Back, Reach Up, Fall Over

I washed my face for the third time that morning. “I can do this,” I thought to myself as I slowly clamored out of the bathroom, willing myself to drive to work. Even though it was still relatively early, I was going to explain my circumstances to my supervisor. As I made my way to his office, I found myself speaking to Allah in hushed tones;Please Allah don’t let me throw up in his office.Oh Allah, tell me what is the best thing to do...I am at a complete loss.Please guide me and give me s … [Read more...]

The Perfect Mom

Sometimes I wish I was her. The perfect mom. The one I see when I'm dropping off my girls to preschool. She's so put together, in her trendy outfit and make-up expertly applied. Wearing those cute high heels I saw at the mall the other day. The ones that were so hip, so expensive, so wrong for me.She's gives a perfect kiss to her perfect kid and is off to work at her important job, making some sort of contribution to society. She walks off with such confidence and assurance, KNOWING she knows … [Read more...]

The Entitled Ones

We want the best for our kids, so naturally we give them the best.  The best food, the best care, the best toys and gadgets.  We shower them with praise, make sure they know that we love them unconditionally, and buy them anything that our pocketbook can afford.  Unfortunately, sometimes we look back and wonder what went wrong.The society we live in is a privileged society that knows the value of children, the value of praise, and has no limitations on spending.  So why are we also a society wh … [Read more...]

Clutching the Past

I went shopping the other day after a few weeks of living the hermit life of being a milking machine for my newborn.  I had decided it was time to spread my wings (aka: be solo), get some fresh air (aka: shop) and pick up some items that I needed (aka: pants that did not have an elasticized waist).  As I was walking around the store I spotted the cutest red clutch purse by an eco-friendly name brand I love.  I quickly grabbed it and marched to the register. I was so happy to have found it since t … [Read more...]