Okay, done tweeting my way through the Old Testament. Now on to the New. This ends up being pretty short, as most of the books are kind of boring.
Story: I have a cousin who’s an evangelical Christian and lives in California. He one told me, as an example of how crazy liberal Berkeley is, about how a seminary student there once wrote something arguing that the Book of Hosea, where the prophet is commanded to take a “wife of whoredoms,” should be removed from the canon because of its misogyny. Rereading it now, I see the point, though Jeremiah and Ezekiel are just as bad.
Also, this post contains one final example of God forcing people to engage in cannibalism.
- Dan 3:29 Nebuchadnezzar is so impressed by a miracle, he decrees any who blaspheme the Jewish God shall be torn limb from limb.
- Dan 5 is the source of two famous idioms: “saw the writing on the wall” and “weight in the balance and found wanting.”
- In the book of Daniel, kings are repeatedly told to live forever.
- Dan 6:24: Darius has men who got Daniel thrown into lions den themselves thrown there… along with their wives and children.
- Hosea 1:2 Because the land has committed whoredom by foresaking God, God commands Hosea to take a wife of whoredoms.
- Hosea 2:1-3: Hosea tells his children their mother isn’t his wife, and to tell her to stop being a whore lest he “kill her with thirst.”
- Hosea 2:4: Hosea says he won’t have mercy on “her” (i.e. his) children, because they’re children of whoredoms.
- Actually, I’m not sure who’s talking in Hosea 2… it might be God.
- Hosea 2 is basically God describing what he’ll do to his whore babymama. I think.
- Hosea 6:6 “I desired mercy, not sacrifice.”
- Hosea 13:16: Because the Samaritans rebelled against God, they’ll be killed; their babies dashed to pieces, their pregnant women ripped up.
- Joel 1:15 “Alas for the day! For the day of the Lord is near, and as destruction from the Almighty it comes.”
- Joel 2:1 “Blow the trumpet in Zion; sound the alarm on my holy mountain!… for the day of the Lord is coming, it is near.”
- Joel 3:10 “Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears.”
- I just realized that when Isaiah talked about beating swords into plowshares, he may have been deliberately subverting an earlier prophet.
- Joel 3:14: “the day of the Lord is near”
@colinrosenthal Well, if Joel was subverting Isaiah, then Joel was a real asshole.
- Amos 4:1 “Hear thid, you cows of Bashan… who oppress the poor, who crush the needy, who say to their husbands ‘Bring something to drink!'”
- I like that Amos is down in people who oppress the poor, but why single out the women?
- Given how famous the Parable of the Good Samaritan is, interesting to see how the Old Testament has a hate-on for Samaria, e.g. Michah 1:6.
- Goal: have finished reading the entire Old Testament (for 3rd time) in 9 days. And never do it again.
- Some but not all trans. of Habakkuk 2:16 reference foreskin, circumcision, or nudity. Can anyone explain original Hebrew to me?
- Zephaniah 1:4-6: God will “cut off” those who bow to “the host of the heavens,” those who swear by Milcom, and those who’ve not sought God.
- Zephaniah 1:7: “the day of the LORD is at hand”
- Zephaniah 1:8: God will punish “all who dress themselves in foreign attire.”
- Zephaniah 2:5 “Ah, inhabitants of the seacoast… I will destroy you until no inhabitant is left.”
- Zechariah 10:3: God says: ” Mine anger was kindled against the shepherds, and I punished the goats.”
- Zechariah 11:9: God says: “I will not feed you. Let the dying die, and let the rest eat each other’s flesh.”
- Zechariah 14:21 “in that day there shall be no more the Canaanite in the house of the LORD of hosts.”
- Malachi 1:2-3: God says, “I have loved Jacob but I have hated Esau; I have made his hill country a desolation and his heritage a desert.”
- Malachi 1:4 God says to Edom: “They may build, but I will tear down, until they are called… the people the Lord is angry at forever.”
- “…lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” <— Final words of Christian Old Testament.