When You Can’t Find Your Shoes, Don’t Blame The Kids

When You Can’t Find Your Shoes, Don’t Blame The Kids June 28, 2015

This is Day 11 of Hindtrospectives’ #MyMosqueMyStory series for Ramadan 2015

By Sarah Said

Gerry Balding/Creative Commons
Gerry Balding/Creative Commons

“I can’t find my shoes, Mom!” my seven-year old self cried. We looked and looked after Taraweeh prayer for my shoes. My mom was exhausted and anxious to leave. There was only one pair of little girls’ shoes and it was not mine.

“Either go with no shoes or just find a pair that fits!” my mom yelled as the masjid was emptying. Eventually, an older Khalto found my shoes all the way near the bathroom under a set of lockers. My pink jelly shoes! Why they were there? I didn’t know. I didn’t care! But I found them. It wasn’t the first time nor the last time that I would lose my shoes during prayer.

“These kids throw things everywhere!” the woman yelled. “They always haraab (ruin) everything!” But, at the same time she and my mom laughed about the kids in the masjid running around and playing during Taraweeh. To them, it wasn’t really a big deal to have young children around during Taraweeh. It was the norm in the 1990s.

I grew up in the large Muslim community of Bridgeview in the Chicago metropolitan area. At that time, there was only one mosque in the area. It was before the time of Al-Bawadi becoming a community landmark; it was when the masjid had a mini-playground next door to it, before it was knocked down to make space for parking. It was before people prayed Eid in Toyota Park where the Chicago Fire, our MLS team plays; it was actually before Toyota Park was even built. My memories of Ramadan and Eid still sit with me today as a beautiful time when the masjid was lit up with lights and always full. My mother used to take us kids to Taraweeh as many nights as she could. The Khaltos walked around with stop signs to tell us to be quiet, and they were always selling chips in the back of the masjid basement by the door.

On Eid, it was candy and sweets galore! The ice cream truck was always in the masjid parking lot. Eid was a lot of fun; very low tech and not fancy at the time, but they were memories that would last forever, alhamduallah. This particular masjid was and still is a place where kids can really feel part of this beautiful and glorious month.

women back mf
Prayer hall for women with children at Mosque Foundation

Mashallah, the Chicagoland community has grown so much and the amount of masjids to attend for Taraweeh is overwhelming. Our families also grew. And our mentalities changed. The days of going to the Youth Center, and walking to the Araby store to get candy were over and I had to grow up. As I aged, my perspectives kept evolving.

I had been one of those girls in my late teens and early 20’s that would roll their eyes and whine every time a mother with multiple children sat next to me at Taraweeh with her kids crying, squirming, and even screaming during my prayer. Being a young hijabinista who didn’t understand what it was like to have the blessing of children to deal with during Ramadan, I would scowl at these women and send them non-verbal messages on why they shouldn’t come with their multiple children to salah. After prayers, my friends and I would complain over coffee about how all these moms were ruining salah with their screaming kids.

We all have done it! For those of you who find yourselves complaining about women who come to the masjid with their kids, please remember that your mother has been in the position of having to find a place to pray and inshallah, you may be in that in that position of having multiple children and wanting to pray in a masjid. Do not judge women who come to Taraweeh with children. Some of us come because we really want to feel the beauty of Ramadan and just do not want to be home alone praying alone. We don’t want to gather in people’s basements to pray, either. We want to be in a masjid. Do you know how awesome the tradition of going to Taraweeh is for young children? The youth will become the adults – remember that.

After I got married and moved away from Bridgeview, I started to notice the multiple tactics different masjids use to try to make sure “prayer wasn’t out of control from all the kids.” Some masjids have khaltos and aunties walking around and telling mothers with kids (even the well behaved kids) that they need to pray in separate rooms. My approach has always been to ignore those women and pray where I want to pray. If my child is quiet and not disturbing prayer, then there is no reason for me to move. If my child is screaming and disruptive, then there is reason for me to move to the other room.

Children's play area at Masjid al-Taqwa in Chicago/Ndidi Okakpu
Children’s play area at Masjid al-Taqwa in Chicago/Ndidi Okakpu

One time a few years ago I saw multiple masjids try to force kids into a babysitting room and even try to charge mothers for babysitting. It’s fine to have a suggested donation and offer the service. I do find relief in a babysitter during prayer when I feel that it is necessary. But don’t force a mom to put her kid with a random teenager that she doesn’t know, when her child might already be quiet. And, pretty please, with sugar on top, no “pay to pray politics” here! Many of us have no problem giving sadaqa to a masjid and we also don’t have a problem with paying for a service. However, remember that this is Ramadan. During Ramadan, we empathize with the poor with our fasting. Understand that women walking into your masjid to pray with their families can be in need and may not able to afford five dollars a day everyday during Ramadan. With a suggested donation, a masjid still may be able to pay babysitters. Also, masjids can seek volunteers for babysitting or donors to pay the babysitters.

Masjid-goers during Ramadan just need to be patient with each other. Whether it be mothers with crying children or a Taraweeh volunteer that takes their job really seriously, we are all here for one purpose: to worship Allah. Don’t chastise a mom for bringing her baby to Taraweeh or Eid prayer! That’s her business. Don’t make her feel inadequate when she walks in with her three kids and has them sit in the corner while she prays.

On the other hand, there are points that mothers need to understand too. First, do what you can to prevent your children from hurting another person’s ability to pray. You can keep your kids nearby or even carry your child while you pray. If you have to leave the common space and pray somewhere else amongst other moms because your child is too loud, then you have to do that. Babysitters aren’t a bad thing if you are sending your child there by choice. Get to know who is watching your child and what the masjid has to offer. Also, masjid volunteers take their jobs very seriously and they come every night to ensure that prayer runs smoothly. We need to respect them for the time they put into their work. When an Auntie is yelling at you about where you placed your shoes while your child is pulling on your arm, don’t yell back at her – just take a deep breath. Keep Calm, it’s Ramadan! As a mother, you are a model for your own child.

Children are the future of the community and it is important to have them in a masjid. We all need to do our parts to make sure that prayer runs smoothly with the large amounts of people who attend it, alhamduallah. Some of the bloggers have written about being “unmosqued” over the years. I wouldn’t call myself “unmosqued;”  I can say that I have had to be “multi-mosqued” and have looked for a place that was a good fit for my family. Alhamduallah, attending ICW in Wheaton has been giving my kids similar memories that I have had in my childhood while still being close to my home. This is the first Ramadan in seven years that I have been able to go to taraweeh and enjoy it. Masjids in my area have actually taken to having Taraweeh summer camps to occupy kids’ time during prayer. Masjids need to be a second home for families. Let us all enjoy a time of worship, inshallah.

And, when you can’t find your shoes after prayer, retrace your steps. The volunteers tell us to put them in a spot for a reason- so we can find them afterwards. Most likely, you misplaced them and a child wasn’t playing with them.

Sarah Said is a mother of three residing in the Western suburbs of Chicago. In addition to being a devoted wife and mother, Sarah teaches junior high English and also writes in the spare time that she has been blessed with. Sarah holds a Masters Degree from the University of Illinois in Chicago. Find her on Facebook.


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