$h*! Jesus Says: 7 Reasons I’m (Still) a Christian


This one's for the Skeptics, the Cynics, the Critics; the Dones, the Nones, and the Professional Bu!!Sh*t Callers--I hear you. You're my people. I see every bit of the drama, the pettiness, the poor stewardship, the moral grandstanding, the lack of authenticity and the love of tedious-meeting-having that defines westernized Christianity. I know it can be gross. I know. I know the music can be bad, and the utility bill is higher than the mission giving. I know that sometimes the coffee is … [Read more...]

$^*t Jesus Says: The “No Trespassing” Edition

keep out

No, it wasn’t an Onion article. You read that right.A cathedral in San Francisco—where most people pay more in monthly rent than the working poor make in a year—has installed overhead sprinkler devices in their alcoves. Not for fire safety. But to prevent the homeless from sleeping on their porch.And with no neighborly warning, either.  Like, “Hey, guys, sorry, but we now water the porch every 30 minutes or so, because you’re dirty and gross; so if you hang out here, you and your few belo … [Read more...]

$*^! Jesus Says: The Christmas Shopping Edition


An open letter (because the blogging world freakin LOVES open letters) to the American Family Association:Dear Affluent Straight White (Mostly Male) Christians:Nobody is persecuting you. And I mean, nobody.Encouraging Christians to boycott Radio Shack because the retailer features a “holiday” greeting instead of ‘Christmas’ wishes, is like refusing to wear pants because it’s cold outside.Or something.Here’s the thing: Jesus never in his life said, “Merry Me-smas.” He never mea … [Read more...]

$*^! Jesus Says: The Dumb Questions Edition

You have heard it said that there are 'no stupid questions, only stupid answers.' But Verily, I say unto you—there are plenty of stupid questions.And people in the Bible ask them alllll the time.In fact, the gospel writers use those dumb-question-having people in order to frame an important teaching or activity of Jesus. So in fact…perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to judge those who do the asking. It could be they are totally on-script: a staged interview to show who Jesus is. A plant in … [Read more...]

$*^! Jesus Says: The Lay Down Your Weapons Edition


"You have heard it said, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. But verily, I say unto you, that this woman is a total badass...and her only weapons were prayer, courage, and compassion. Verily I say unto you; the world is violent, but there is always another way."Alright, so I don't say 'verily' much. But Antoinette Tuff deserves a 'verily.' She verily saved the lives of countless children yesterday. When a gunman entered the school where she works, she … [Read more...]

$*^! Jesus Says: Seeds and Weeds Edition

For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”A truth of desert life, and life in general: after the blessed benediction of rain, you will have weeds to contend with.The earth is so parched around here that the first drop of moisture brings forth all manner of latent vegetation—from beautiful wildflowers to potent, allergen-baring stuff.  After a few ea … [Read more...]

$*^! Jesus Says: Wedding Edition

$*^! Jesus Says- Wedding Edition Image sabbath

Mary: Jesus, you aren't going to believe this. They have run out of wine.Jesus: I told you this was going to be a lame party. I totally didn't want to come.Mary: Yes, well, but i knew there would be some nice girls here...Jesus: ANYway...i guess somebody's going to have to make a run.Mary: Yes, I suppose. Unless...well, you know. You could do some party tricks.Jesus: Woman! And of course, I mean "woman" in the most sincere and respectful tone, and not at all the the … [Read more...]

Unto Others

I'm preaching on the Golden Rule this Sunday. Total snooze, right?It seems like the very heart of simplicity. Otherwise known as the 'ethic of reciprocity,' there is an equivalent of this directive in every faith tradition in the history of the world. And yet, the notion of treating others as we'd like to be treated is the most challenging, transforming, life-giving concept imaginable. Even if we memorize it in kindergarten, it has a way of getting lost among the other platitudes of our … [Read more...]

On Doing, and Being Done

August is to church what April is to accounting firms; or December to the mall; or crab season to those deadliest guys.Traditionally, you think of Christmas and Easter as the 'big' seasons for church work. But they've got nothing on August. August is the time for starting new things, engaging new people, upping the game in worship, and generally trying to get 'Church' back on people's planners--and in their collective imagination--as everybody gets into a daily routine at the end of summe … [Read more...]