Repentance redefined: Giving up exhaustion and opening to change

vine2

Day 4: Repentance redefined: Giving up exhaustion and opening to change “exhaustion was not fertile soil for growth and change” We had been meeting for about two years when my directee said to me: “You know the most helpful thing you’ve said to me since we’ve been meeting is “God is not in favor of exhaustion.”” As a woman who struggles with over-work, conversation about balance and spiritual practice were a large part of our conversations together.  But it wasn’t until we began to talk about … [Read more...]

Repentance redefined: silent no more

tools

Day 2:            "The pattern of Hannah’s spiritual growth echoes that of many, many other women in Scripture: growth toward a larger sense of voice and personhood rather than silence." I grew up in a faith tradition that believed women were to be seen and not heard in the church and, for most part, at home, too. Based on a few verses from the Epistles, an entire gender, including myself, was silenced.Yet new questions rose within me as I began to listen to the collective stories of women … [Read more...]

Meeting myself again for the first time

moist and green

Something is up.  I’m not sure what, but something is up. I just get the feeling.Maybe it’s Jesus’ wisdom “To whom much is given, much is required.” (Luke 12:48)I love my work right now; it is a gift. Yet, the question rises: what might be shifting?I love my husband of 33 years. He is a gift. Is my marriage changing,too?I love our children and new granddaughter.  They are gifts. How can I love them better?Interestingly, this trip is a gift that my work and calling have given m … [Read more...]

Self-compassion and self-advocacy

beauty

“It is hard to extend compassion to ourselves when others are not doing the same.”It is hard to learn to actively offer compassion to ourselves, to advocate for ourselves.We are given so many messages that say we are supposed to wait for others to discover our needs and find the compassion and courage to advocate for us.And we are fed so many messages that say we are over-reacting when we speak our genuine pain and suffering because it may not look like the pain and suffering of tho … [Read more...]

Self-compassion and regret

IMG_0487

"I have learned from wiktionary that regret is just intense grief"I’ve had more than one run in with the painful emotion of regret this week.I said some unkind words of judgment that I wanted to take back shortly after they came off my tongue. I unnecessarily criticized a very valid approach in a conversation with a colleague because I had another strategy. I remained silent when I should have spoken up as my husband and I were considering a sales pitch…. We bought the product and bo … [Read more...]

Sex, lies, and simplistic thinking

direct

"life doesn’t follow the rules and when it doesn’t, we scramble to make sense of it…  "Unwanted pregnancy resulting from rape is an impossibly complex reality and even more painful than it is complex.  How could something so precious and innocent and wonderful as a new baby come from an act of violence so horrific?  It seems to deny the very laws of nature that we rely on every day:By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Matt … [Read more...]

Self-compassion and insight

sunset

"when I am safe for myself, doors of insight tend to open."As I have said often, my optimum life pace is about 30-35 mph.  I don’t know why it helps me to express it in mph units, but it does. Now, that’s not my maximum pace, just my optimum pace, the speed at which I can be most present to my life, making forward progress but not missing the freedom to take in and enjoy all I see along the way.  This is also the pace at which my traction is greatest, where all my strokes count, where risk an … [Read more...]

Welcoming interruption, welcoming transformation

butterfly

"Transformation is real and it can make us into a woman we would never have imaged, a woman who feels at once like a stranger and a friend..."I’ve run across a few things this week that brought up the topic of interruption…A conversation with a directee and this insightful and concretely helpful blog post by Chris Corrigan.As often happens with me, those thoughts connected to the story of a woman in Scripture, the woman with the hemorrhage. Her whole story is presented to us as an int … [Read more...]

A ponder-less people

labyrinth leaf

“Wisdom does not come to us in snippets and sound bites but instead in deep rhythms to be revealed and discovered as we ponder and seek. “I was visiting this week with my mom who has dementia.  It is interesting and sad to notice that her responses to questions are increasingly disconnected from reality. Her brain’s process of sorting and seeking real-time data in response to a question have become so slow that she simply offers an answer, nabbed somewhere from the recesses of her mind.   … [Read more...]


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