Welcome back

“When God invites me to give voice to something like the importance of self-compassion and self-care,

it seems that an integral part of that giving voice is to live what I speak.

Ahhhh… the relief of no more guilt from neglecting my blog.

Okay, maybe I need to start that again on a more compassionate note.

Ahhhh… the gift of experiencing enough pain relief, creative energy, and schedule discipline to finally be able to have the head and body space to write again.

This has been an odd season for me…

but in some ways, not entirely unexpected….

When God invites me to give voice to something like the importance of self-compassion and self-care, it seems that an integral part of that giving voice is to live what I speak. So, in these days of dealing with my pain, obedience has looked like choosing NOT to force myself to push through, but caring for myself and accepting, with some grief and patience, my limitations.

Though I haven’t been writing, I have been:

            Further exploring my new diagnosis of visceral hypersensitivity

            Playing with Georgia

            Finding yet another physical therapist with yet another approach because the nerves are being stimulated by alignment issues (postural restoration)

            Learning a new low histamine diet because they are also stimulated by foods. 

I call this the downside of being so fearful and wonderfully made. It’s all so very complex.  Which, interestingly, is a part of where God shows up in this story.

I have a deep belief that one of the gifts women offer our communities is to live in a woven way, more holistically. 

God is in my body and my calling.

God is in my pain and my words.

God is in my limitations and my opportunities.

I think of the woman with the hemorrhage

26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.

I’ve often asked God if this is really how God wanted to spend my energy and our money.  Like the woman with the hemorrhage, apparently so.

How does one sustain hope in times like this? How did she find the strength to fight the crowd and reach out to Jesus?  How did I find the strength to try a new diet and tell my long and twisted tale to another physical therapist?

There is an odd little verse I often think of in moments like this… it references the people of God as prisoners of hope.

 Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope;
    even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.

(Though I know better than to pull a random phrase out of context in Scripture, let’s just say the Holy Spirit gave me special permission because She repeatedly brought it to mind.)

As a prisoner of hope I keep moving toward healing on this long and twisted path.  I don’t give up on this blogging endeavor because there has been a long interruption. I welcome back my own energy and creativity.

I also welcome your voice back into this small community. I’ve missed you as a community. I would love to hear where you find yourself to be a prisoner of hope.  In your marriage? With a child? A friendship? A community? Your body? A dream? A calling?

Welcome back!

Focusing Self-compassion on Limitations

I admit it: I’ve not bought a single Christmas gift yet. My husband, God bless him, has ordered a few things.  My guess is that Amazon is going to become my best friend over these next few weeks. My work schedule has been full as well as continuing to make doctor and physical therapy appointments and block off several whole days for injections. Oh, and my husband had some minor surgery this month, too.

There are only 15 more days until Christmas (all of them shopping days online!)

As I face both that deadline and my calendar, the core question for me is

 “How will I relate to my limitation?”

Will I slam myself for my inefficiency?

Will I extend compassion to my “to do” list?

Will I feel shame over the fact that my desk is currently also piled a foot high with papers? (okay, maybe 6 inches, but it’s a big desk) Or do I feel compassion and actually (gasp) give thanks for all the wonderful opportunities I have had this fall that have occupied my life and energy and left me with a full desk?

When I think of women who handled limitations well, my mind goes to Naomi and Ruth.

The limitations they faced were different than mine:

The ache of grief

Poverty

Cultural rejection as women and, for Ruth, as a Moabite

It is an interesting thing about human limitations: we connect, even across centuries, around them as we relate to the feelings that our inadequacies generate, regardless of the particulars or extremity of our limitations.

In that sense, maybe we aren’t so different…

I have not suffered the death of a husband and son; yet I have certainly ached over the limitations that spring from my own chronic pain.

I have never gone hungry and scavenged for food; yet like many middle-class Americans, I have felt inadequate, especially this time of year, as I am often aware of money as a limited resource.

I have never known the overwhelming limitations that Naomi and Ruth’s feminine souls placed on them religiously, culturally, and economically; but I have known the pain of having my thoughts dismissed and my voice not heard because I happen to be a woman.

As I look as the lives of my fore-mothers, I see enormous and active faith in the face of their limitations:

In the ache of grief, Naomi just kept moving, putting one foot in front of another, seeking God as she moved back to her homeland.  She was honest about her bitterness when she arrived: she both exercised her faith and owned her limitations, even her emotional ones.

In the face of poverty, Ruth did the same; she kept going.  Because God is God, she “just so happened” to glean in Boaz’ field…. and eventually became his bride. Her limitation turned to miraculous provision when her faith met the grace of God.

In the midst of severe limitations imposed by a cultural and religious context that separated the “ins” and the “outs” by heritage, God “broke” all God’s own rules when, through the compassion of the levirate provision  of Jewish law, the Moabite Ruth married Boaz and eventually became the grandmother of King David.  She is also one of four women mentioned in Jesus’ genealogy.

In the face of God’s grace, faith, and compassion, who are we to fear, rebuke, or judge our own limitations?   How about some self-compassion instead?

What limitation will you consider meeting with self-compassion instead of rejection, contempt, and judgment this year?