Repentance redefined: silent no more

Day 2:            “The pattern of Hannah’s spiritual growth echoes that of many, many other women in Scripture:

growth toward a larger sense of voice and personhood rather than silence.”

I grew up in a faith tradition that believed women were to be seen and not heard in the church and, for most part, at home, too. Based on a few verses from the Epistles, an entire gender, including myself, was silenced.

Yet new questions rose within me as I began to listen to the collective stories of women in Scripture. Only Scripture could unlock my cage and free my voice. I saw a completely different pattern. My first clue was Hannah’s story.

At first Hannah was silenced by the pain of her infertility, the open abuse she suffered from her fellow wife, Peninah, and even the subtle shaming of her desire for a son by her loving-but-unwise husband Elkanah.  But the story does not end there.

Hannah stood.

And in standing, she began her journey toward growth and voice.

Her next step was an unspoken prayer to God that reclaimed her desire for a son as a holy one and voiced a heart-broken request to be remembered by God. (I’ve been thinking lately that I need some lessons from Hannah on moaning and lamenting.)

Next, Hannah stood up to Eli the priest when he accused her of being drunk. “Not so, my Lord.” A woman… saying “no” to a priest… don’t miss the import of this!

Then Hannah named herself with “I am” and “I am not” statements, again owning her pain and desire.

After receiving Eli’s blessing (no hard feelings),

Hannah went her way.

She ate something, nourished herself.

Her face was no longer downcast.

Eventually, she had a son.

When her husband went to the temple, she did not go. She had a different plan that she boldly spoke and lived.

When she brought the boy to the temple, she left him there.

In the midst of the loss of her son’s presence, she sang a great song of praise to God.

“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.”

What a voice! What a woman! What repentance… silent no more.

The pattern of Hannah’s spiritual growth echoes that of many, many other women in Scripture: growth toward a larger sense of voice and personhood rather than silence.

Once more, Hannah has inspired me to new growth.  She has lived the wisdom I seek: growth through daring to speak. She is my inspiration to attempt to write about my passion each day this lent. My tools are different than hers were, but we are sisters nonetheless.

May we as women dare to repent, to come to voice today. The world, the church, and our families need our presence, our voices, our love, and our wisdom.

What will you speak today?

 

 

A Holy Rant

Why is it that most Christians assume that spirituality is a unisex reality?

Why have I, in 55 years of church attendance, never heard a sermon on gender differences in spirituality and only one that even acknowledged it as real (thanks Bob C.)?

Why is it that in a culture where we talk more and more about gender difference in how we shop and have heart attacks and think, we neglect to talk about how we experience God differently?

Why is there not a course in gender different spirituality in each and every seminary? Don’t clergy need to know about this, talk about this, wrestle with this?

Why is it that when women notice how different their experience of God is than the men they know, they think they are “wrong” or that the difference is unimportant?

Why is it that many women who have continued to grow spiritually have left the church and the church has been okay with that loss? In fact, tragically, many times the church has  said “good riddance” because the women used their visions and voices to challenge the status quo.

Why is it that we as women are generally the only ones apologizing for the complications created by gender difference? Why do we often see our perspectives as secondary?

Why is it okay with any of us to limit the authentic voice of anyone, often through hierarchy or through an assumption of a unisex spirituality?

Why is it that many men feel they know more about the stories of women in Scripture than do the women in their lives?  And why do many women think the same thing?

Why have we let the fear of boxing people into categories and narrow ways of being  stop the conversation completely? Using this conversation about gender difference to limit individuality is a real and dangerous possibility.  Caution is important.  At the same time, I believe we can name these dynamics in ways that free us and do not bind us.

So, what do you care about enough to dare a rant?

 

Positive change, negative response

“If we can muster the courage for the initial choice, we expect affirmation and blessing.”

It is a moment of being invited to grow up.  It is usually an unwelcome invitation.

When we make a difficult but wise choice, something in us expects that the world will rise up and bless us.

And sometimes that does happen: Mary’s sign from the angel was Elizabeth’s encouraging proclamation.

But sometimes… not so much.

We are looking for affirmation and we get complaint.

It happened to Mary of Bethany, when she made the bold and wise choice for devotion, learning, and self-care and sat at Jesus’ feet.  Martha complained.  Jesus defended her.

It happened to the woman who anointed Jesus.  Again, a bold and courageous choice for devotion, voice, vulnerability, and service. Judas complained. Jesus defended her.

It happened to the Syro-Phoenician woman.  Yet another bold and faith filled choice to seek healing for her daughter from this Jewish Rabbi. This time it was Jesus who challenged her at first: 27 “First let the children eat all they want,” he told her, “for it is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” But when she persisted, Jesus called it faith and did as she requested, healing her daughter.

It happened to the woman with the hemorrhage.  She took a great risk, illegally being in the crowd, reaching out to touch the Messiah.  What a bold and courageous move! And it worked; she was healed. But the story did not end there.  It wasn’t enough for Jesus.  He insisted that she come forward out of the shadows and be known. What terror she faced. What deep healing she found.

Each story began with a courageous choice for positive change. Each choice was met with what looked on the surface to be, or likely felt like, a negative response.

If we can muster the courage for the initial choice, we expect affirmation and blessing.  In fact, we crave it.  But affirmation may well not be the greatest good for our souls, the path to our deepest joy, or the way new life happens.  And, importantly, as we see in the stories above, lack of affirmation is certainly not evidence that God is not blessing us. Hard things can be beautiful, too.

Sometimes we need to learn to hold our space in the midst of upsetting the family system.

Sometimes we need to allow others to face their own brokenness as they rail again our bravery.

Sometimes we need to learn to persist in the face of being challenged.

Sometimes we need to be stretched even further beyond our comfort zone than we bargained for, all for the sake of a healing we never imagined possible.

When I see the pattern of “less” becoming “more” in God’s economy, I find new hope and vision to face the resistance I find within and without.

When have you dared positive change and been met with a negative response?