Every high school teacher, every youth pastor, and every parent of a high schooler should buy, read, and talk about this book with students and with friends: Alexandra Robbins’ The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Popularity, Quirk Theory, and Why Outsiders Thrive After High School
I don’t want to suggest we are falling off a cliff, but the social interaction and cliques of high school students are potent, damaging and culture-forming. But that high school culture is a mirage, reality can be found elsewhere — and years later.
What do you high school teachers see in “cliques”? What are public schools doing about labels and groups? What do you think of her groups (after the jump)?
I don’t teach high school but did coach a bit in a high school for a decade and, even if times have changed, the whole “labeling” thing is everywhere. “Today’s students are so label-conscious that there is even a label for students who consider themselves independent of labels” (indie; p. 40). But labeling is shifting in a notable way: “labeling is shifting from targeting what a student does — studies hard, dresses darkly [sic, dark], plays a band instrument — to what a student feels” (42).
But Robbins’ book is a very important book for another reason: she subscribes to something called “quirk theory.” Here it is:
Many of the differences that cause a student to be excluded in school are the same traits or real-world skills that others will value, love, respect, or find compelling about that person in adulthood and outside of the school setting.
Thus, her point? Popularity in high school does not predict success. It measures conformity.
So what are the labels? the groups? She follows these o-so-pungent categories of high school stererotypes, labels and identity-forming categories:
The Gamer
The Popular Bitch
The Weird Girl
The Band Geek
The Nerd
The New Girl
Plus Emos, Indies, Scenes, and Bros.
Go to the cafeteria, where you will find the populars and the preps and the “cafeteria fringe.”
Reading this book is both intoxicating and sickening — and it describes a condition called high school in which great love is needed, intense mercy required, voluminous patience desired, and gobs and gobs of good youth pastors at work.
“Popularity in high school does not predict success. It measures conformity” – genius quote. 15 years on, I only know about 10 people still from my high school, so I have no anecdotal evidence to add, but the statement seems fair.
Based on my high school experience (ancient history now), this sounds pretty accurate. I was a straight arrow who got reasonably good grades, was not athletic, or musically talented, or a cheerleader, or a stoner… Therefore, I was mostly a loner who did my own thing and viewed the ambition for popularity with cynicism and contempt. It is true, I am still a staunch non-conformist! I had thought, in previous analyses of this phenomenon among Baby Boomers and Gen X’ers (of which two generations I fall kind of in the middle), that my non-conformist bent was more a product of the prevailing youth culture of my generation. But, yeah, the labeling and herd mentality was as much a (negative) aspect of the high school social scene in my day as it is now. I want to say it is worse now, but then I don’t have a lot of first-hand experience with it, since my kids are not immersed in it (thankfully). Amen to the youth leaders who can give these kids a solid sense of their identity in Christ (loved) and foster HEALTHY relational community among teens
“Popularity in high school does not predict success. It measures conformity.”
I agree, of course, I think it’s one of those “givens” that we’ve all known for years but didn’t really write down. My question is different: what is “success”?
I currently have three teens at home, all of who inherited outlier status from their parents. The first two of mine are mildly emo (quite introspective), the third is, well, a pig-headed boy….we will see.
Yes, in HS many want to fit in, but that just makes you average. Who wants to be average?
I love it, the Geek will inherit the earth. Awesome and true.
The geeks will inherit the earth. Bill Gates, anyone?
Look forward to this book. I read her previous book, “The Overachievers,” which was actually about kids from my former high school (where Robbins attended as well—Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda, MD) and where I was definitely part of the “geek” crowd. Not sure I can say that I have “inherited the earth” But, the old adage “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” does apply to my high school experience. It feels like death while you’re going through it but looking back, I wouldn’t trade all those challenging experiences for a minute. I would much rather be an outsider than a conformist!
Helen @ #6 — I wouldn’t want to go back to high school, it was so awful! I’m not sure it was the “sink (to conformity) or swim (away, to think for myself)” environment and experiences that caused me to be a non-conformist, or whether that was just the way I am wired to begin with. Chicken or egg: which came first? As an adult, able at times to see from a clearer perspective (self-awareness, warts and all), my non-conformity and introversion have not helped me in communities of faith. I’m not a joiner, and so often I find myself resisting group think and group participation. Is this Christian?! I am what I am, to some extent, and I try to balance that with what needs to change in me in order to be more faithful to God and being more Christlike. It’s certainly better not to *need* the approval of others, I will say that. My teen daughter and I have had some interesting discussion about the hippie “revolution” and that whole era. My .02 is that they had legitimate reasons for rebelling and questioning some of the traditions of the former generation. However, their rebellion (non-conformity) did not lead them to a *better* alternative. In the end, they traded one bad set of norms for another, perhaps badder than the last. Interesting…
I wonder if there is anyone that posts on this blog that was not an outsider in HS. I guess that….Robin was not.
I agree with Susan @ #7. I was (and am) non-conformist but it has not helped me in my faith community. I find that my current church home is at least as cliquish if not more so than my high school. The church is not a comfortable place for introverts. We’re the folks people think about calling when they need something done, not when they want to have fun.
I’ve sometimes wondered whether we would all be better off by disbanding the high schools and apprenticing off the kids under some adult to learn a useful skill. It seems downright unhealthy to have so many same-aged people forming their own (immature) culture without sufficient adult supervision. Could this be a key source of our somewhat juvenile popular culture? Just a thought.
These same dynamics are at play in any group including in church where non-conforming ideas are often ignored. When I teach, I find that (and this is clearly a generalization) there are always those who dominate discussions and simply repeat the party line. Then there are those who don’t say much but, when they do, it’s worth listening to. It’s usually the ‘talkers’ who reach the leadership level. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
I’m not a joiner either Susan, and, like yourself, I resist group participation. It is easier for me to spend time splitting wood than to go to a Valentine’s Day social at church. I’m not sure that’s a good thing either.
I think the American high school experience focuses way too much on the subcultures and popularity contests, but then again that just reflects the media programming and pressure of popular television, film, radio, online culture.
We’d do well to resist that pressure for ourselves and our kids.
Susan N., I hear you, I would never want to go back to HS! But those experiences–difficult though they were to experience–helped shaped who I am today and I do think they ultimately made me stronger. That having been said, I don’t have teenagers (yet) but from what I hear from those who do, teen culture today is so toxic, and Christian families don’t seem to be immune to the significant cultural forces shaping our young people. Since being a Christ-follower means that you do not conform to the ways of the world, maybe those of us who have already had some practice in this area will more easily carve a different path in life and in our children’s lives.
to reference roger ebert, i hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated high school. i hated every minute of it. i hated the fact that someone thought that high school was a good idea.
ok, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but it follows the ebert reference… my point is that i was and felt like an outsider, even by the people who accepted me…
dang, i think this book is spot on…
DRT,
I think it is hard to say whether or not I was an outsider. At first I just kind of took for granted that I was, but now I’m not sure. I wrestled, but that sport was so popular it was disbanded the year after I graduated. I was on the academic team occasionally, but never cared for them either. I was president of one student organization (future farmers), but I never even hung out with any of the future farmers from my own school.
I was one of 4 Catholics in a 700 person highschool and was adamant in my resistance to Southern Baptist culture and beliefs. My college entrance essay was pretty much “Why Jesus would tell Martin Luther to shut up” (It was a terrible essay by the way, I hate looking at any writings prior to graduate school)
Out of the 150 people I graduated with, there are exactly 2 who I ever cared to see after I threw my cap in the air. One of them died when he was 26 and I lost touch with the other.
I think overall I appeared to fit in, from an outward perspective, but I was very much an outlier as well.
Robin
It may have been a terrible essay but I love the title.
My second grade student told the class today that they should be nice to nerds because they’ll all be working for them one day!
(Probably not what you had in mind for this post, but…)
Thanks Robin. I was in all the advanced classes but I was not Jewish so that immediately made me an outsider. Also, I was quite obsessed with motorcycles and road every chance I got (every single day year round from 6th grade on). Definitely not a team sport.
I am not sure who said it but it was on one of these posts lately: “It all depends on your definition of success.” So true. When it comes to the Gospel we read about things like giving out glasses of cold water, and leading a quiet life and working with our hands. Now,how nerdy is that?
this is of course all true–it’s the advice my own mother gave me 45 years ago and the advice I gave my own daughter (pretty much a gand geek). She is now very happy and successful college student and her camp counselor name is “Quirky.”
The most discouraging group-speak I overheard at our kids’ HS were the vicious sexist remarks exchanged by a group of boys talking about girls (generally & in particular) near a soccer field, and the demeaning slurs that tried to box individuals w/ certain gifts & talents according to an assumption of sexual preference. The harm that could be done to kids’ psyches who don’t have healthy parents & relationships w/ adults to provide balance grieves me. (I’m very glad both our young adults are happy in their respective colleges, now.)
Ann @ #21 – the viciousness of teens in a high school (and, what hasn’t been mentioned here yet, junior high even more so) both frightens and outrages me. It is ‘Lord of the Flies’ for the 21st century, all too often.
Going back to what Helen said in #13, *sometimes* these tough experiences make us stronger. There are always cases, though, where we see kids who are not strong being overcome / devastated by bullying and exclusion. Suicides, school shootings, deep mental/emotional/spiritual wounds that affect these kids for years… Labels often stick. On the other side of it, those who do conform well and are popular often never seem to grow out of that high school cliquish behavior (in my observations).
Ann, I so agree with you that teens need as much support from caring adults as we can give them.
Helen, I would affirm your statement that Christian teens, even homeschooled Christian teens, are not immune to these same negative group behaviors and individual struggles. That age/stage of development is simply prone to identity crisis and the need for peer approval. It begins in the middle school years, so buckle up and hold on if your children are coming of that age!
Leslie @ #9 and Fred @ #11 – re: non-conformists grown up and in church… Small talk and manufactured demographically-homogeneous small groups and superficiality are extremely hard for me to “do”. I can talk deep…but, most people seem to not have time or not enjoy that kind of discussion. In conservative evangelical culture, the emphasis on “witnessing” left me feeling like a failure. In some conservative evangelical circles (not all, I realize) the need to conform to a set of doctrines and “ways” of being is also emphasized. In my more “liberal” (a label I don’t necessarily agree with) mainline church, the demographic is much more diverse and comfortable for me. It’s kind of like what community college was to me: a breath of fresh air, where I didn’t have to fit a certain mold. There were people of all ages and socio-economic and religious and ethnic backgrounds at community college
LOVED the atmosphere. Nowadays, I would venture a guess that most 4-year colleges reflect this type of student body.
I thought about this topic quite a bit yesterday, in a good way!
Susan#22 said “On the other side of it, those who do conform well and are popular often never seem to grow out of that high school cliquish behavior (in my observations).”
Church is school for adults for cliquish behavior.
Agreed with those who point out that similar dynamics happen in churches. My nonconformist wife does not go on our church’s women’s retreats, and she says it is for the same reason she didn’t join a sorority. And on my one attendance at a men’s retreat, I realized that it is not a good environment for introverted geeks like me.
Jesus loves…
the geeks
the Goths
the druggies
the athletes
the popular
the outcast
the forgotten
the bullied
the abused
and even the enemy nasty people
Regardless of whether we’re conformist, non-conformist, geek, or popular, let’s love one another as Jesus has loved us. Let’s have the same mind that was in Christ Jesus– he humbled himself, let us humble ourselves.
Peace out, love to all!