Ellen Weber has a good post looking at forgiveness through the lens of brain activities. I clipped just one question. Go to the link for more.
Why do brains hold grudges that slow mental synapses?
When hurt by people you trust and love, your brain slips into confusion and sadness tends to follow. If you replay the situation, or dwell on hurtful events, negative feelings begin to crowd out possibilities and you may drown in a sense of injustice. The brain’s basal ganglia stores your reactions to severe disappointments. And if negative or bitter – these reactions limit your chances for finding well-being in a similar situation.
Over time, feelings of anger, sadness or resentment can rob your contentment, because these can form the engine that drives behavior. If you repeatedly find yourself drowning in a sense of injustice or bitter disappointment – you may create a pattern of bitterness. That toxin will follow you into new relationships, and the cost tends to be far higher than the pain of disappointment. Your actions become tainted by the sense of loss – so that you lose sight of your ability to enjoy the present.
Depression and anxiety spring from an inability to forgive. You begin to sense your life lacks meaning to others you love most, and you seem to be at odds with all that you hold dear. Unless checked – you begin to lose ongoing connections with those you care about most.
Peacemaker Ministries has offered some encouraging & helpful practices and strategies to help us let go / forgive wrongs. Forgiveness, as understood from scripture, requires an ongoing commitment to pray for enemies, to act toward them with love, to replace dwelling on bitterness and loss by looking at God’s redemption and deliverance of us, etc. It’s not an easy journey, and if the offenses are ongoing, setbacks will occur. We can aim for Paul’s and James’ standards of rejoicing in suffering and trials, however, and press on in faith when we do not yet experience God’s peace in the midst of them. May we keep on persevering until we know the hope and the love God pours out through the Holy Spirit.
Comment by Ann F-R — September 21, 2011 @ 2:12 pm
Ah, this is my grandmother in her old age–bitter, disappointed, always thinking the worse about people and situations. How can it be remedied when it has been slowly worsening a person’s entire life?
Interesting to see that brain connection.
Comment by Kristin — September 21, 2011 @ 2:18 pm
Interesting post Scot – this goes really well with the mind-body connection I’ve tried to make in a number of posts. Who we associate with, how we interact, and how we choose to respond shapes us in a self-reinforcing spiral.
Comment by rjs — September 21, 2011 @ 2:41 pm
Great read. It seems to me that you are letting go of 2 things: your need for justice but also the other person’s judgement of you. Sometimes the quick push to “forgive and forget” seems to encourage the wounded to forget and move on without helping them regain a healthy sense of self with which to replace the false messages sent by the offender.
Comment by MatthewS — September 21, 2011 @ 3:28 pm
Have you noticed that Biblical forgiveness always has as its goal the renewal, restoration and reconciliation of the relationship? “Worldly” forgiveness is focused on how “I” can make “ME” feel better.” Biblical forgiveness is a gift to the offender. That’s why God says, “If you do not forgive, you will not be forgiven.” This is not because forgiving others produces salvation. Rather, only those who have received salvation can provide the gift of forgiveness freely, as they have been freely given.
Comment by thesauros — September 21, 2011 @ 7:08 pm
“Depression and anxiety spring from an inability to forgive.” While I can agree there is may be a relationship here in some, and perhaps many cases, I would be cautious about such a blanket, damming statement that is akin to blaming the downtrodden. Why should we feel compassion for those in depression since obviously they have brought it on themselves? Or so it seems to imply. “Just think the right thoughts and you will pull yourself out of this. Stop being so resentful of others and you wont’ be depressed!” Um. Life, depression and mental illness is much more complicated.
Comment by PLTK — September 21, 2011 @ 7:43 pm
There are neurochemical and genetic correlates to behavior. Scripture lays out the best approach for brain health, body health, and spiritual health.
Clinical psychologists have a name for the condition in which a person keeps recycling their grievances, “justifiable unforgiveness,” and resentment. They refuse to let it go or forgive because they, essentially, have developed an internal need to be bitter. They develop physical problems and psychosomatic illnesses. The condition is called “Emotional Hoarding.”
Nevertheless, as PLTK pointed out, a simple “it’s all in your head” approach is oversimplistic. Many Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors/Disorders have a neurochemical basis, which, itself, can be traced to genetics. That doesn’t form an excuse for poor behavior, but it does suggest that an individual may need a more specifically directed approach for successful redemption. One size doesn’t fit all.
Comment by theophilus.dr — September 21, 2011 @ 9:29 pm