Best Humorous Argument for God

From Jeff Cook:

We know God exists because of great beer.

Don’t discount the Ontological argument just because you think you can imagine the perfect island. The ontological argument has real bite when you marry it with fine ales. Open your mind for a moment, and you may reply as Bertrand Russell once did, “Great God in boots!—the ontological argument is sound!”

Behold…

1. Beers that exist are greater than beers that do not exist, and as such existence is a great-making property.
2. If God exists, God is the greatest conceivable being.
3. Let’s assume the greatest conceivable being does not exist.
4. If (3) than there is something greater than the greatest conceivable being.
5. (4) is a contradiction, so (3) is false.

God exists and we know this because of great beers.

Contrary to Kant, every philosopher I know believes that beers that exist are greater than beers that do not exist. It would be offensive to humanity, the Rolling Stones, and your grandmother to deny Premise 1.

Because no philosopher actually believes a non-existent beer is equal in standing to one’s real beer of choice, “existence” is a great making property.

Great God in boots, Indeed!