The Onion’s piece of how a person thinks about the soterian-gospel-in-brief strikes the person hearing this kind of evangelism:
Hello, sorry to bother you, but I was hoping I could borrow just a minute of your time. You see, lately I’ve been thinking about whether there’s something more to life, something I’ve been missing. There are even times when I feel like I’ve lost my way and may never find it again. So while I really don’t want to intrude, I was wondering if you might have a moment to tell me about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
It won’t take long.
Would you mind coming in and sitting down? Just to speak with me for a little bit? If now’s not a good time, don’t worry. You can come back. Do you have a pamphlet or something? It would be great to have some information about how God is always there for me. Though I suppose it isn’t possible that God could be there for me all the time, is it?…
I mean, if I were to die today, where would I spend eternity? I have no idea.
Also, and I know you have places to go and things to do so I’ll try not to take up too much more of your time here, but would you have just a couple more minutes to explain to me how prayer works? I know it can’t be as easy as simply sitting down and starting a conversation with God. And maybe it’s a moot point in my case—after all, why would He want anything to do with someone as flawed and sinful as me?
If you’re comfortable discussing it, would you mind telling me whether you understand where I’m coming from, or have ever felt the way I do? In fact, it might be helpful if you told me a brief anecdote about a time when you personally doubted God’s love but then saw the light. Assuming you have such an anecdote, of course. Did you ever doubt if He was real? Maybe you turned to alcohol and drugs. If so, I’d love for you to talk to me about that.