My friend, Tony Jones, testified in court. The issue, in part, is percentage of custody; the issue, at its heart, are laws that favor mothers and discriminate against fathers. Here’s some of Tony’s post:

Last month, I testified in front of the Judiciary and Public Safety Committee of the Minnesota Senate. I spoke in favor of Bill 1402, which aims to bring presumed equality to shared parenting time in divorced families. Currently, the presumption in Minnesota — that is, the guidelines that are recommended for family court judges to follow — is that one parent gets the majority (75%) of parenting time, and the other parent gets the rest. As you might guess, the 75% almost always goes to the mother. (I won’t comment on my own custody arrangement; negotiations are ongoing.)

This bill has been bouncing around the Capitol for over a decade. One intrepid woman,Molly Olson, has kept the bill alive. She — and I — believe that it is in the best interests of children that the default presumption should be 50-50. The bill makes all sorts of exceptions, for unfit parents and other extenuating circumstances.

By the time I testified, the bill had basically been gutted. The percentage was dropped from 50% to 35%. Nevertheless, I testified that the Court system has habituated a outdated notion that mothers are always better to be the primary parent than fathers. I argued that when the judicial branch of our government is too habituated in certain patterns, the legislative branch needs to step in and set things right.

I acknowledged that it’s odd for a white man to be claiming discrimination. Even so, that’s what this is.

But here’s the funny thing: Democrats are unanimously against this bill, and Republicans are for it. You know who else is against it?

Divorce lawyers. Even my own lawyer is against it.

 

Jennifer LaRue Huget:

I had the luxury of working at home when my kids were little. We played outside all the time, because my flexible schedule allowed it. But I can’t fathom how mothers and fathers who spend all day at work can manage to come home, fix supper, tend to all the things that need tending to in the evenings — and still find time to take their kids outside. Sure enough, research published Monday shows most young children’s parents don’t spend enough time outdoors with them. And kids who are in day care are less likely to regularly spend time outside with their folks than those who are at home full-time.

The study, published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, analyzed records for 8,950 preschoolers from a large, existing database; that sample, the study notes, statistically represents approximately 4 million children. It found that 49 percent of preschool children are not taken outside to play every day by one of their parents.

The study notes that the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests kids should play outside as often as possible, because outdoor play provides physical and mental benefits and can help ward off obesity.

The study’s lead author, Pooja Tandon of Seattle Children’s Research Institute, notes that preschool children — defined here as being a year away from entering kindergarten, or about 4 years old — need at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity daily. [Read more...]

Emily Yoffe gets a letter from a father who is less than happy with his son’s choice of career and lack of ambition, but “Prudie” turns the letter inside out into a lesson about parenting and love:

Dear Concerned,
As I started reading your letter I thought, “We’ve seen this movie so many times before.” Slacker Americanus: Cheetos-munching, tubby, semi-verbal, nocturnal, no prospects, repulsive to females. Think of the house of slobs in Knocked Up. Then you threw in a twist ending. The kid is employed, he’s got skills that are in high demand, he has a passion in life. He’s happy! (I understand he’s been on anti-depressants, but they’re effective.) I’m inferring that you and your wife would prefer, and understand better, an arugula-eating son toiling on a doctorate in comparative literature. However, it could be that at the end of that son’s labors, you’d wish he’d spent less time analyzing Love’s Labour’s Lost and more time getting some skills that resulted in a paycheck. Your son may be naturally monosyllabic, but it’s also unpleasant to constantly discuss with your parents why you’re such a disappointment. Since you say you were nurturing and attentive parents, I assume you engaged professionals to figure out what was going on with your son and got no definitive answers. So now, instead of working on your son, try working on yourselves. Start by letting him know how proud you are that he’s developed the skills to have a successful career. Take your car in for a tune-up to his shop as a paying customer. Tell him you don’t know ableed nipple from an output shaft, and that you’re impressed that he does. Ask if he would take you to some car races with him. Once you establish a better relationship, tell him you and his mother are going to start turning over his diabetes care to him. Before you do, say you’d be happy to pay for some consultations with a nutritionist to help keep his condition under control. Tell him you’re making this offer because the healthier he is, the better he’ll be able to do the things he loves, and because you love him.

—Prudie

 

K.J. dell’ Antonia:

What does this say about our culture?

“It’s not baby-sitting when Daddy does it.”

It’s been seven years, but I’ve never forgotten those words. My neighbor across the street was heading out for work, tall, well-dressed and ready. Her child, a few years older than mine, had just wailed, “But I don’t want Daddy to baby-sit!” She squashed that plaint like a bug, and five minutes later (I was pushing my son on the swing in their front yard) I saw her car head down the driveway.

It’s not baby-sitting when Daddy does it. Who wouldn’t agree with that? The U.S. Census Bureau, apparently. When both parents are present in the household, the Census Bureau assumes for the purposes of its “Who’s Minding the Kids?” report, that the mother is the “designated parent.” And when the designated parent is working or at school, the bureau would like to know who’s providing child care.

If the answer is Daddy, as it was 26 percent of the time when these numbers were last released, in 2005, and 32 percent of the time in 2010, the Census Bureau calls that “care.” But if Mom is caring for a child while Dad’s at work, that’s not a “child care arrangement,” but something else. Parenting, presumably.

 

By Eric Hulse is a Holistic Health Coach. His practice focuses on teaching parents how to regain control of their health in order to improve the health of their families. Visit his website or follow him on Facebook for tips on how to increase your energy, reduce daily stress, and regain your happiness.

Below is a list of several life lessons I’ve learned from working with and being around children. I hope you find them helpful and can apply them to your life.

Playtime is a natural part of the day

Children need to play. It’s how they learn, interact with each other, and explore the world. Playtime is built into a child’s day so they can use their imagination, move their bodies, and meet new friends without judgement or hatred. Adults, on the other hand, hardly ever play. There are deadlines to meet, bills to pay, and “things” to take care of which all comes with the job of being a grownup. However, this doesn’t mean we have to neglect our inner child! Many adults suffer from anxiety, stress, and depression because they don’t allow themselves to play, be creative, and they take life very seriously. It’s important for our spirit to enjoy a hobby that fosters our creativity, to spend time outside in nature, and to meet new friends. Oh, and a genuine smile helps also!

Forgiveness

Children are quick to forgive. It’s as if there minds instinctively know that holding a grudge will lead to unpleasant feelings. They won’t be able to play if they can’t forgive their friends, this leads to sadness, a decrease in energy and overall “yucky” feeling. It’s just not worth it. There’s really no time for it in a child’s world. There’s too much life to live! [Read more...]

From NPR:

Who has a story to tell us about how to help your teens in the midst of debates? what’s the best thing you ever did to help?

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you likely find yourself routinely embroiled in disputes with your child. Those disputes are the symbol of teen developmental separation from parents.

It’s a vital part of growing up, but it can be extraordinarily wearing on parents. Now researchers suggest that those spats can be tamed and, in the process, provide a lifelong benefit to children….

“We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground,” he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.

Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says. [Read more...]