First Germany. Then Korea. Now PAKISTAN!

Remember my New Year’s Resolution to finally take over the world? (If not, see New Year’s Resolution #1: Take Over World.) You may have scoffed at my ambitions. Well, scoff while you can, monkey-person! Because while you’ve been lolling about, eating pizza, surfing the web, and wondering what the word “loll” actually means, I’ve been stealthily executing Plan A.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the major, international media outlet The Pakistan Spectator approached me for an interview. I had their questions answered and sent back to them before I’d finished that morning’s cup of coffee.

Hey: You snooze, you lose your chance at world domination. (And, in retrospect, I now see it’s best to wait until I’ve had coffee before doing any major online interviews. I know this knowledge will serve to make me an even wiser dictator.)

Read my interview with The Pakistani Spectator here – if you dare!

(Oh: the “First Germany. Then Korea.” thing refers to how one of my books — Penguins — has been translated into German and Korean. Another of my books, I’m OK-You’re Not, is also being translated into Korean.)

Now, on to some of the Canadian provinces!!

 

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • FreetoBe

    Yes, John, I understand. I hold you in the very highest esteem.

    However, I think you should know, I know Karate.

  • FreetoBe

    Yes, John, I understand. I hold you in the very highest esteem.

    However, I think you should know, I know Karate.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Jon: I'm sorry, but I seem to have misplaced your street address. Could you send it to me, please?

    Free: Flattering — yet physically threatening.

    Hmmm. I could see making good use of someone with that combination of inclinations. You may be hearing from my office.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Jon: I'm sorry, but I seem to have misplaced your street address. Could you send it to me, please?

    Free: Flattering — yet physically threatening.

    Hmmm. I could see making good use of someone with that combination of inclinations. You may be hearing from my office.

  • jonwrites

    John:

    Under National Security Presidential Directive 51, and on advice from my doctor, I am not at liberty to divulge my street address without express written consent of the producers and the FAA.

    Good Luck in Your Conquests,

    Jon

  • jonwrites

    (p/s: jonwrites is me, Jon Gilbert, in case you got confused and thought someone had done a coup d'etat on my name — thought I might move a blog over here, maybe)

    I'll be quiet now and let some meaningful posters post now.

  • jonwrites

    (p/s: jonwrites is me, Jon Gilbert, in case you got confused and thought someone had done a coup d'etat on my name — thought I might move a blog over here, maybe)

    I'll be quiet now and let some meaningful posters post now.

  • Leif Sr.

    John,

    You are waaaaaaaaaay to funny. It has to be illegal, some where. When you take over, you'll have to take care of that.

  • Leif Sr.

    John,

    You are waaaaaaaaaay to funny. It has to be illegal, some where. When you take over, you'll have to take care of that.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Jon: Never mind. Turns out I already have your address. Thanks.

    Leif: Not THAT was funny, friend.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Jon: Never mind. Turns out I already have your address. Thanks.

    Leif: Not THAT was funny, friend.

  • Candace

    I assume, in preparation for the transition, you have already purchased the johnshoreworld.com domain?

    If not, since I was keen enough to spot and alert you to this need, and since I am a fawning sycophant to boot, can I expect a cushy appointment of some sort? Preferably one that comes with a masseuse.

  • Candace

    I assume, in preparation for the transition, you have already purchased the johnshoreworld.com domain?

    If not, since I was keen enough to spot and alert you to this need, and since I am a fawning sycophant to boot, can I expect a cushy appointment of some sort? Preferably one that comes with a masseuse.

  • http://jon-gilbert.blogspot.com Jon Gilbert

    John,

    Forget what I said about my address…I just got the reference. Getting older. Getting slower. My brain is in dire need of a Hoveround!

    Jon

  • Candace

    Oh, and I forgot to say — hilarious interview. Loved it!

    And also, how very surprising that the request for an interview, despite an unorthodox approach and distinct resemblence to recent scams, was legit after all.

    How did it come about that you decided to check it out, John? What was the process? (Yes, I am nose … er … curious! )

  • Candace

    Oh, and I forgot to say — hilarious interview. Loved it!

    And also, how very surprising that the request for an interview, despite an unorthodox approach and distinct resemblence to recent scams, was legit after all.

    How did it come about that you decided to check it out, John? What was the process? (Yes, I am nose … er … curious! )

  • FreetoBe

    Really, John, it’s called “A Candid Blog.” Were you absolutely candid? Nice comments, BTW. Funny. Not that my opinion matters, since you’re taking over the world and all of the Canadian provinces as well.

    (Please explain how “Tekzilla Daily: Automated e-mail reminders” is remotely related to this column?)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    “Tekzilla Daily!” I have no idea what that means, or why it’s there. As you may (or may not) know, those “Possibly related posts” come out of nowhere, and are automatically generated by WordPress. (Actually, it’s weird that two of them ARE from my blog!)

    Your opinion matters. I don’t think it would be too far a tip of my cards to just let you know that, believe me, it will one day be good for you if I’ve got reason to believe that you hold me in high esteem. Oh, yes, it will.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    “Tekzilla Daily!” I have no idea what that means, or why it’s there. As you may (or may not) know, those “Possibly related posts” come out of nowhere, and are automatically generated by WordPress. (Actually, it’s weird that two of them ARE from my blog!)

    Your opinion matters. I don’t think it would be too far a tip of my cards to just let you know that, believe me, it will one day be good for you if I’ve got reason to believe that you hold me in high esteem. Oh, yes, it will.

  • http://jon-gilbert.blogspot.com Jon Gilbert

    John,

    I was supposed to wrap up taking over the world at 5 today. Any chance we can set up a conference call?

    And I wouldn’t waste too much time with Canada; I’ve heard stories.

    Thanks,

    Jon “El Presidente del Mundo” Gilbert

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Candace: No process at all, really: I just clicked the link they gave me, saw the site, liked what they were doing, wanted to participate. After awhile you can just TELL when someone's real and someone's … skammy.

    I really should have given my answers more time. I determined to spend minimal time on my answers, and really did. But I like their site; I like what they're doing, and how they do it. So I was glad to be involved at all. I'm actually going to put them on my blogroll, right … well, now.

    Oh–and I, too, have zero control over the avatars. All I do is punch a button that says, "Attach these quilty avatars to people's names," and it's done. I don't know if they're randomly generated, or if the same person always gets the same one, or what. I only FOUND the button to push by accident–so I toggled it on, and … Insta-Quilts!

    You want a massuesse? A massueese? A masueurse? A massager? Hmmm.

    No. Sorry. I don't want people getting too … comfortable. Sorry. You can do neck rolls, though. Not EYE rolls. Neck rolls.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Candace: No process at all, really: I just clicked the link they gave me, saw the site, liked what they were doing, wanted to participate. After awhile you can just TELL when someone's real and someone's … skammy.

    I really should have given my answers more time. I determined to spend minimal time on my answers, and really did. But I like their site; I like what they're doing, and how they do it. So I was glad to be involved at all. I'm actually going to put them on my blogroll, right … well, now.

    Oh–and I, too, have zero control over the avatars. All I do is punch a button that says, "Attach these quilty avatars to people's names," and it's done. I don't know if they're randomly generated, or if the same person always gets the same one, or what. I only FOUND the button to push by accident–so I toggled it on, and … Insta-Quilts!

    You want a massuesse? A massueese? A masueurse? A massager? Hmmm.

    No. Sorry. I don't want people getting too … comfortable. Sorry. You can do neck rolls, though. Not EYE rolls. Neck rolls.

  • Candace

    Thanks for elaborating.

    Hmmmm … neck rolls are something you DO? I thought they were something you HAD.

    There has to be someone, somewhere, who will give me a job that comes with a … person who does backrubs. Sigh.

  • arlywn

    I could have sworn… that one of those questions related to reading blogs that stunted you. And your answer made so much sense. And then I reread it, and realized it was really "stunned" and quess what?

    your answer still made sense. you did that on purpose didnt you?

  • arlywn

    I could have sworn… that one of those questions related to reading blogs that stunted you. And your answer made so much sense. And then I reread it, and realized it was really "stunned" and quess what?

    your answer still made sense. you did that on purpose didnt you?

  • mhogue

    I hope I'm as cool as you guys when I become old.

  • mhogue

    I hope I'm as cool as you guys when I become old.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Generally, you can count on one thing: You're exactly as cool right now as you're ever going to be. You are who you'll be.

  • mhogue

    Oh, hum. I didn't think of it that way. I was thinking about it more like,

    "I'll never be anybody else, and if you're cool, and I'll never be you, then I'll never be cool. But if I will be old some day, and if you're old right now, and you're cool, then when I'm old, I'll be cool, too."

    But I wasn't sure which I should go on, that I'll never be you, so I can't be cool, or that I'll be old someday, and hence I might become cool.

    But you've pretty much just dashed all my hopes of becoming cool, because you're saying if I'm not cool right now, I'll never become cool. So a person can't change?

  • mhogue

    Oh, hum. I didn't think of it that way. I was thinking about it more like,

    "I'll never be anybody else, and if you're cool, and I'll never be you, then I'll never be cool. But if I will be old some day, and if you're old right now, and you're cool, then when I'm old, I'll be cool, too."

    But I wasn't sure which I should go on, that I'll never be you, so I can't be cool, or that I'll be old someday, and hence I might become cool.

    But you've pretty much just dashed all my hopes of becoming cool, because you're saying if I'm not cool right now, I'll never become cool. So a person can't change?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Who cares? You don't want to be "cool," anyway. All "cool" means is In The Know and Emotionally Detached. Which means Can't Be Surprised or Curious (since nothing's new), and Can't Be Emotionally Spontaneous.

    Cool is for losers. It's for people who are afraid.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Who cares? You don't want to be "cool," anyway. All "cool" means is In The Know and Emotionally Detached. Which means Can't Be Surprised or Curious (since nothing's new), and Can't Be Emotionally Spontaneous.

    Cool is for losers. It's for people who are afraid.

  • Candace

    He's so CORRECT, mhogue! (John is.) Listen to him. Truly :-)

    Signed,

    Formerly scared witless but cool person who finally figured out she was ok all along but didn't know it because she was too busy trying to fit the world's definition of cool

  • Candace

    He's so CORRECT, mhogue! (John is.) Listen to him. Truly :-)

    Signed,

    Formerly scared witless but cool person who finally figured out she was ok all along but didn't know it because she was too busy trying to fit the world's definition of cool

  • mhogue

    wow you guys are really concerned about my self-esteem! I was just kidding around in the first place. I guess sarcasm is hard to pick up on a blog though. Anyway, I don't care about being cool. I was just trying to compliment you on YOUR coolness. And throw in a joke about old age. But nobody laughed! *runs over to the corner and cries*

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Loser.


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