The Least Cuddly Children’s Toy EVER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a toy somebody donated to the thrift store today. Made of rock-hard plastic, it’s about twelve inches high. I was going to make a joke about how unsurprising it was that it looks brand new, since no one could have ever  played with it … but now I feel kind of sorry for ol’ … Horno. Or Zeetmo. Or Splacko. Or whatever in the world the poor thing’s name is.

(Oh—for the record, nothing on little … YowTao moves, or anything. And that weird slanty circle thing on his stomach isn’t a button, or anything you can turn or anything. It’s just … that.)

I don’t know what kid this toy used to belong to, but I sure do feel sorry for him. Or her. Or it.

 

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • Candace

    Been back to look at that thing 3 times in the last hour, and I still don't know what to say. I bet it would make the hair on my dogs' backs go up.

  • http://blog.locusmeus.com/ Els

    My kids have these – albeit in different colours – it's a McDonald's toy. Apparently, the orange-and-blue one has a working light on it when you press the button on the belly, the black-and-yellow one plays music and makes different sounds when you twist its ears.

    Someone else in their school has a red one, which doesn't do anything, so I guess the one you got there must just be as unlucky as that red one.

    Then again, you can twist all the parts, so I guess it's as good a toy as a Barbie – does nothing, but you can twist its limbs ;-)

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    My 11-year-old son suggested installing a pencil sharpener in the nose-like thing and possibly the ears.

    My wife said that it looks very creepy.

    I have to agree with her.

  • http://angelbearoh.wordpress.com angelbearoh

    I think I might have seen something like that at the Discovery Channel Store at the Easton Town Center, but it's been at least one year since Easton's had a Discovery Channel Store.

  • http://angelbearoh.wordpress.com angelbearoh

    I think I might have seen something like that at the Discovery Channel Store at the Easton Town Center, but it's been at least one year since Easton's had a Discovery Channel Store.

  • http://www.sheppardministries.com Greta

    Loved Candace's comment….I've read it three or four times and howled….thought that if I had it, I'd put it on my husband's night stand (he frightens easily) and when he wakes up in the morning he'd open his eyes and yell "oh, my God, help me", while jumping out of bed.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    McDONALD'S makes these things?? But it's a foot tall! What do you have to buy to GET one of these things—buy a $15 Delirious Meal?

    Either way, if this is a McDonald's toy, then as a child what I thought was true: Ronald McDonald is a psycho.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    McDONALD'S makes these things?? But it's a foot tall! What do you have to buy to GET one of these things—buy a $15 Delirious Meal?

    Either way, if this is a McDonald's toy, then as a child what I thought was true: Ronald McDonald is a psycho.

  • http://www.youtube.com/morsec0de Morse

    I think I've seen these things before. I thought they were sort of speakers, you hook them up to a player and they play music and light up and move.

  • http://blog.locusmeus.com/ Els

    Well, these McDonald's versions aren't quite that tall actually. Roughly six inches. I looked at the fine print at the bottom of one of its feet, and it says "Zizzle" as the brand name.

    Quick search: http://www.amazon.com/Zizzle-IZ-Blue/dp/B000AMC3R

    Reading the very first review on that item, I think Morse is right about their funtion.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    That link is AMAZING. Thank, Els. I wonder if mine is some sort of display for the other, music-processing ones. Because it's so tall, and has (or seemed to have; maybe I didn't look close enough!) no kind of input jacks or anything like that.

    Anyway, amazing. This is one of my favorite things about blogging; on my own, I wouldn't in a million years have know what this thing was.

    Remember when I ran a piece asking what this thing is:

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/2007/12/20/anyone-know-w

    ??. And finally someone actually KNEW? Awesome.

  • http://blog.locusmeus.com/ Els

    The ones on that link are as tall as yours, so I would guess it's the same thing. However, if you really didn't find even an input jack, maybe it's a dummy of some sort? The real thing comes with an operating manual ( http://www.zizzle.com/V15v2/pdf/iz.pdf ) which shows a battery compartment and input jack.

    And yes, I remember that other blog post. Yay for blogs! :-)

  • http://blog.locusmeus.com/ Els

    The ones on that link are as tall as yours, so I would guess it's the same thing. However, if you really didn't find even an input jack, maybe it's a dummy of some sort? The real thing comes with an operating manual ( http://www.zizzle.com/V15v2/pdf/iz.pdf ) which shows a battery compartment and input jack.

    And yes, I remember that other blog post. Yay for blogs! :-)

  • Candace

    Cool, isn't it? With the advent of the Internet, you can find the answers to just about everything.

    With some notable exceptions, of course.

    And the whole separating-fact-from-fiction thing can be annoyingly difficult. Especially since mis-information tends to gain a life of its own.

    But still.

  • Candace

    Cool, isn't it? With the advent of the Internet, you can find the answers to just about everything.

    With some notable exceptions, of course.

    And the whole separating-fact-from-fiction thing can be annoyingly difficult. Especially since mis-information tends to gain a life of its own.

    But still.

  • arlywn

    I'm so checking out my local mcdonalds now.

  • arlywn

    I'm so checking out my local mcdonalds now.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    When I go back to the store Monday, I’ll see if it’s still there, and if so look up its … see if it has any input … um … I’ll check it out.

    this is just amazing. Thanks so much for sending me/us all this Quality Info.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    When I go back to the store Monday, I’ll see if it’s still there, and if so look up its … see if it has any input … um … I’ll check it out.

    this is just amazing. Thanks so much for sending me/us all this Quality Info.

  • Ingrid

    He's kinda cute to me. I want him for my desk at work. I can tell people this how I see them when that ask me stupid questions. Where can a sista get her hands on it?

  • Ingrid

    He's kinda cute to me. I want him for my desk at work. I can tell people this how I see them when that ask me stupid questions. Where can a sista get her hands on it?

  • Ingrid

    Okay I read the comments after I posted. *SIGH* I don't like it enough to play the collectible price for it, but thanks for the links and the laugh. He really is cute and Blue if my most favoritest of colors!

  • Ingrid

    Okay I read the comments after I posted. *SIGH* I don't like it enough to play the collectible price for it, but thanks for the links and the laugh. He really is cute and Blue if my most favoritest of colors!


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