Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto.

Pumpkin pi. GET IT? Pi? Pie?? GET IT??!! (Okay, the jokes get better from here.)

1. The Pilgrims were:

a.  an exceptionally boring rock band from Kidneypool, England.

b. a sure way to kill any party.

c. the least fashionable sailors ever.

d. Christians who fled England in rebellion against Henry VIII’s forbidding of pew cushions.

2. The first thing Indians thought upon meeting the Pilgrims was:

a. “Why are these people the color of our gums?”

b. “Sun. Black clothes. Cool! Human popovers!”

c. “Okay, these guys are turkeys.”

d. “Bummer. There goes the neighborhood.”

3. The Mayflower was:

a.. the name of the company that moved the Pilgrims from England to America.

b. the primary ingredient used by Pilgrims to make the May chocolate chip cookies.

c. a ship that got lost somewhere between the Thames river and Hawaii.

d. a pretty gay name for a boat.

4. The purpose of Thanksgiving is to commemorate:

a. the founding of the New World.

b. the losing of the New World.

c. the temporary misplacement of the New World.

d. the Pilgrims smoking their first peace-pipe with the Indians.

e. the Pilgrims discovering the Indians didn’t know tobacco from a lava lamp.

5. Plymouth Rock is significant because:

a. it’s the first organic musical form to give expression to the Pilgrim experience.

b. how many rocks get their own name?.

c. it’s the first place on the North American continent where the Pilgrims ruined their shins.

d. it’s what the Chrysler company tethered to its last idea for a decent car before hurling it into the ocean.

6. “Maize” is the Algonquin Indian word for:

a. “No way out.”

b. “Not April or June’s.”

c. “he who awesomely dominates centerfield.”

d. tired, boring, cliche, trite: corny.

7. At first the Pilgrims had a hard time surviving in America because:

a. Their humongous belt buckles prevented effective arrow ducking.

b. They refused to pay taxes.

c. It’s so demoralizing when the native population won’t stop making fun of your hat.

d. All their gunpowder was wet.

To anyone who happens to read this: Happy Thanksgiving to you, and a most joyous holiday season.

♣ Join my Facebook fan page here.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter. If you shop at Amazon, help support John by entering the site through this link right here--Amazon will then send John 3-4% of the cost of anything you buy before exiting the site again.

 

  • Latoya

    Hilarious. LOL (and I dont know the correct answer to anything except that maize is corn)

  • Latoya

    Hilarious. LOL (and I dont know the correct answer to anything except that maize is corn)

  • Latoya

    Hilarious. LOL (and I dont know the correct answer to anything except that maize is corn)

  • http://ww.sheppardministries.com Greta

    I'm with Latoya and Barbara . . . also, did you know that bananas help the brain to be sharp…? How many bananas a day do you eat John? Where does all that wacky humour come from…you are a storehouse of wit. You're the dressing in the turkey…the spice in the pumpkin pie….things that make Thanksgiving thanksgiving!

  • http://ww.sheppardministries.com Greta

    I'm with Latoya and Barbara . . . also, did you know that bananas help the brain to be sharp…? How many bananas a day do you eat John? Where does all that wacky humour come from…you are a storehouse of wit. You're the dressing in the turkey…the spice in the pumpkin pie….things that make Thanksgiving thanksgiving!

  • http://ww.sheppardministries.com Greta

    I'm with Latoya and Barbara . . . also, did you know that bananas help the brain to be sharp…? How many bananas a day do you eat John? Where does all that wacky humour come from…you are a storehouse of wit. You're the dressing in the turkey…the spice in the pumpkin pie….things that make Thanksgiving thanksgiving!

  • Dan Harrell

    Happy Thanksgiving John, I loved the quiz, even though I only answered one correctly.

  • http://mormonsoprano.wordpress.com mormonsoprano

    John,

    You are a certifiable nut. However, I love your sense of humor and this post is absolutely hilarious! Wishing you and your family a very Happy Turkey Day.

    We all are blessed, and have so much to be grateful for. Give Thanks and Praise the Lord!

    - MoSop

    P.S. I recommend that you check out http://www.blogged.com/blogs/suddenly-christian.html

    Here is a great place to allow our blog community to share the love, and give official “reviews” of each other’s ramblings. All of John’s fans will want to check it out this specific link, and then check and see if your blog is listed yet. (Hey, I wouldn’t mind a few positive nods my way, either…if anyone feels so inclined)

  • http://mormonsoprano.wordpress.com mormonsoprano

    John,

    You are a certifiable nut. However, I love your sense of humor and this post is absolutely hilarious! Wishing you and your family a very Happy Turkey Day.

    We all are blessed, and have so much to be grateful for. Give Thanks and Praise the Lord!

    - MoSop

    P.S. I recommend that you check out http://www.blogged.com/blogs/suddenly-christian.html

    Here is a great place to allow our blog community to share the love, and give official “reviews” of each other’s ramblings. All of John’s fans will want to check it out this specific link, and then check and see if your blog is listed yet. (Hey, I wouldn’t mind a few positive nods my way, either…if anyone feels so inclined)

  • Barbara

    I am thankful for the many different people in my life……and you certainly are different!!! Thankyou for your humour!

  • Barbara

    I am thankful for the many different people in my life……and you certainly are different!!! Thankyou for your humour!

  • Lynn

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your wife.

  • FreetoBe

    There's an answer sheet? I didn't see the answer sheet. How do I know how many I got right? Tsk, I hate not having all the answers…. 8)

  • FreetoBe

    There's an answer sheet? I didn't see the answer sheet. How do I know how many I got right? Tsk, I hate not having all the answers…. 8)

  • Cibola

    Another fine Thanksgiving dinner under our belts, we move to the livingroom for some light conversation, and to watch the snow floating down. One by one, starting with the oldsters, the others drop off into happy slumber. I say to myself, "Ahhhh, it's a perfect time to sneak onto Facebook and wish a few Happy Thanksgivings. Oh, look! A Thanksgiving blog from John Shore! Squat..?…hmmm…Squanto…" A sudden outburst of laughter is quickly muffled. Several sleepers sigh and stir…

    Thanks for the fun John! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. (I was too lazy to comment until today.)

  • Cibola

    Another fine Thanksgiving dinner under our belts, we move to the livingroom for some light conversation, and to watch the snow floating down. One by one, starting with the oldsters, the others drop off into happy slumber. I say to myself, "Ahhhh, it's a perfect time to sneak onto Facebook and wish a few Happy Thanksgivings. Oh, look! A Thanksgiving blog from John Shore! Squat..?…hmmm…Squanto…" A sudden outburst of laughter is quickly muffled. Several sleepers sigh and stir…

    Thanks for the fun John! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. (I was too lazy to comment until today.)

  • victoriouslatoya

    LOL. Cibola that was funny

  • victoriouslatoya

    LOL. Cibola that was funny

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Well, I don't see this purported answer sheet, but my answers are:

    (1) B & C (2) D (3) C (4) C (5) B (6) D (7) C

    Nice try with the belt buckle thing, but everyone knows that large belt buckles make great shields!

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Well, I don't see this purported answer sheet, but my answers are:

    (1) B & C (2) D (3) C (4) C (5) B (6) D (7) C

    Nice try with the belt buckle thing, but everyone knows that large belt buckles make great shields!

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Well, I don't see this purported answer sheet, but my answers are:

    (1) B & C (2) D (3) C (4) C (5) B (6) D (7) C

    Nice try with the belt buckle thing, but everyone knows that large belt buckles make great shields!


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