How To Get Out of Jury Duty

It’s a privilege and even honor to serve on a jury. But if you ever want to get out of it anyway, I hereby bequeath unto you this 100% guaranteed way to avoid jury service, every time:

Wave to the defendant.

I accidentally discovered the almost alarming efficiency of this method about two weeks ago, when I found myself in a pool of potential jurors for a trial case. When the time came for the lawyers on both sides to ask me questions about myself, I did as the judge requested, and stood.

And then, before I could stop myself, I just sort of … waved to the defendant. I have no idea why I suddenly became Court Dork. Nervous, I guess. The guy was looking right at me. And I felt sorry for him. He looked so … worried.

Anyway, I had barely finished my little “How’s it goin’, defendant dude?” wave when the prosecuting attorney piped right up.

“Move to dismiss.”

As the nearly-guffawing bailiff was showing me the door, I saw the longing with which the defendant’s lawyer was watching me leave.

Just to make sure the dismissal stuck, I held an invisible phone to my ear. Looking right at the defendant I mouthed, “Call me!”

No, I didn’t do that. But I did know I’d just discovered a sure-fire way to avoid jury duty. And now you know that way, too.

About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • ms.glove

    Awesome! Not that I would ever try to get out of jury duty or anything, but it would be impolite to not say hello, or at least wave at the person who’s fate you are determining, right? I think I learned that in etiquette school when I was a kid. Thanks for the laugh!

  • ms.glove

    Awesome! Not that I would ever try to get out of jury duty or anything, but it would be impolite to not say hello, or at least wave at the person who’s fate you are determining, right? I think I learned that in etiquette school when I was a kid. Thanks for the laugh!

  • denver

    Too funny! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1586314662 Christopher Constant

    My 5 month Grand Jury service was one of the most rewarding (and heartbreaking) experiences of my life!


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