Five New Year’s Resolutions I’ve Already Broken

1. Be intellectually mesmerizing. Hmm. This morning I did search through five dictionaries looking for the definition of a word (“restitution”) that I preferred above the others. That seems reasonably intellectual. Or insanely picayune. They’re so close! Point being: I may still have a chance at this one. So never mind.

2. Become aesthetically inspiring. I am, right now, wearing black crew socks, knee-length charcoal pajama-shorts, and a red plaid shirt. So. One down, for sure.

3. Become awesomely well read. So far today I’ve spent some time reading Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” Twain’s “Huck Finn,” and “The Philosophy of Andy Warhol,” by Andy Warhol. I’ve read each so many times I could recite them in my sleep. Throw in “A Confederacy of Dunces,” and you have about all I’ve read for the past 25 years. Two down.

4. Become physically astounding. So far today I’ve taken two naps. But I usually take four. Hope lives!

5.  Write muy gooder.  Pfffft. Enough said.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://www.sisterfriends-together.org anita

    The mental image number 2 inspired has forced me to arrange an additional therapy session this week. Thank goodness she had a cancellation.

  • Candace

    Oh my! If that's therapy-worthy, Anita, Wisconsin could be a scary and expensive place for you. Other than the fact that there's no apparel even AVAILABLE here that leaves exposed leg (frostbite hazard), well, pretty much everyone dresses as John described.

    Judging by the number of artists living here, though, there must be something inspiring about the place. So, John, #2 might be salvageable, wardrobe and all, if you're sufficiently committed to relocate. (The roads should be passable by about Memorial Day!)

  • Candace

    Oh, and "A Confederacy of Dunces" is on my favorites list as well. Kind of a bummer that Toole only lived to write one book.

  • shari weller

    HI, i START TO MAKE NEW YEARS RESOUTIONS, BUT NEVER KEEP THEM ANYWAY, BUT THE ONLY THING i DO IS JSUT TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. I'M STARTIGN ABCK ON MY DIET AGAIN, BUT I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY THIS TIEM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS FROM THERE. WITH gOD'S HELP. i'LL BE SURE TO MAKE MYSELF SAY i CAN DO THIS.

  • Greta Sheppard

    Take heart, Shari…..Oprah fell off the wagon too…

    Happy 2009 to all you who adore John Shore…his nuttiness is almost inspiring at times! At 12:02am 2009, I turned 20…with 60 years of experience….go figure that one out!

  • http://christianranter.wordpress.com Des

    Be intellectually mesmerizing. You know I can't think of anyone other than Richard Feynman who could do that.

    Great list, I'm still laughing.


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