The Opposition Response to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount

All of us have just heard Jesus Christ give his big long speech. Mr. Christ is a man who has brought a brand new look to the face of public leadership, isn’t he? He certainly is. Why, it wasn’t that long ago at all that a man who wanted to come before us as a leader would have to look like all the other leaders of men we’re used to, isn’t that right? For instance, we are used to leaders who keep their hair nice and short, aren’t we? We sure are. That is what we are used to. And we are used to our leaders clean shaven, aren’t we? And before they come before us to speak, we expect our leaders to put on nice clothes, don’t we? And don’t we expect them to wear shiny shoes? You bet we do. That is what we expect. Our leaders always look so very nice and clean, don’t they?

But that is not the way Jesus looks, is it? No, it is not. Jesus is not clean shaved. And his hair is oh so long and scraggly, isn’t it? Why, he looks just like a mop. And does Jesus wear nice, clean clothes, with a shiny pair of shoes? No, he does not. The truth is that Jesus looks like a common beggar. He looks just like the sort of person we see in the poorest parts of our city, the kind of person who is always asking other people for money. Money, money, money, money. It seems to be the only thing people who look like Jesus ever want, isn’t it? It’s not the kind of look that we expect from our leaders at all.

But this is a new day, isn’t it? You bet it is! There is a new feeling in the air. It is not a bad thing that, for the first time in our history, a leader has stepped forth who looks just like the kind of people who take drugs and engage in criminal activities. I am certain that Jesus does not take drugs or engage in criminal activities, however. I am sure that he does not. Because that would be very, very wrong.

You will notice that I, too, am not as perfectly well-dressed, or as groomed, as the leaders that you are used to having come before you. I look different, too! See my beard stubble? That is something new to see in a leader, isn’t it? I have not shaved all the way since yesterday morning! And see how I have loosened my tie! And if you look right here next to my left ear, you will see that I have a lock of hair that is out of place. Can you see it? It is right here, above my ear. And look at my shoes! One of them is quite scuffed. But I do not care. I like that scuff. I am proud of it. My scuffed shoe says to the world that I, too, know how to walk amongst men.

So, friends, you can be very assured, just by looking at me, that we Sadducees and Pharisees are also not afraid to be different. We understand that a new day is upon us, and that things have changed. And we want you to know that we are “down” with those changes. We think they’re “groovy” and “right on.” That is because we, too, are a diverse and open group, unafraid to acknowledge and even embrace a semblance of the kinds of profound changes that so many of you these days are also being forced to acknowledge and accept. This is a good thing. We are all very happy about this. Yay for Palestine!

But let us now talk about what Jesus said in his speech to you today. While Mr. Christ is certainly a very good speaker, I think that if you look closer at the things he said, you will find that, just like all people with terrific amount of charisma, he is purely evil.

(To be continued. Maybe. I don’t know. I want to get back to 7 Women Reasons Stay in Bad Relationships. But this was fun. For those of you just joining us, it is also a follow-up to yesterday’s Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount: “Quite the Crowd Pleaser, Charile.”)

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://samwrites2.wordpress.com Sam

    How I didn't see this coming I don't know, but it is a most excellent post that follows naturally on the speech analysis post.

    Bravo, huzzah!

    -Sam

  • http://youngadultsindayton.wordpress.com talia

    I find the reference to Palestine in this context to be extremely inappropriate, and I'm American. What gives?

  • FreetoBe

    Oh, John, please continue this! Funny and sad, at the same time.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore
  • http://noisytarli.etsy.com talialovesyou

    I'm being serious! I know this is a jokey post, but my word.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Talia: Again, look at the link. Palestine is what that whole area was CALLED back then. Jesus was from and lived in Palestine. So there's no need to fret, ok? Promise.

  • http://noisytarli.etsy.com talialovesyou

    I know it was!


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