Operation Birthday Begins!

Saturday, March 21, 2009. 6:21 a.m. Operation John Shore’s Birthday has begun. I’m up. My wife’s still asleep. Loser. But I’ll let her sleep, cuz she’s so cute when she’s innocently dreaming about a beautiful world where she doesn’t have to get up and give me a haircut because we’re going out in public today and I look like someone on drugs had been trying to Photoshop the top of my head right before they fell asleep.

I want to thank all of you who sent me a happy birthday message. It’s really had a big effect on how I feel about today. I’m not kidding. It’s been very affecting. THANK YOU! It’s been totally heart-warming and makes me feel just great.

To those of you who didn’t send me a happy birthday e-mail or Facebook message, I would just like to ask what your problem is. Clearly, you have issues. Clear them up, will you? There’s still time to wish me a happy birthday, or to even send me a gift. Nothing says, “I’ve cleared up my neuroses” like sending John Shore a gift. That’s my motto. Make it yours.

I wonder if I should have made straight coffee this morning? Usually I make it half decaf, because my wife and I are old now, and if we get too excited we might die. But, darn it, today I wanted full caf, because it’s my birthday, and if you can’t get twitchy and erratically hostile on your birthday, when can you?

I’ll bet my wife is faking being asleep!

Okay, I should remake the coffee.

I wonder if my mother remembers that today’s my birthday? To be perfectly honest, I wonder if my mother’s alive. As some of you might know, I haven’t seen or talked to the woman in … I don’t know … about 30 years. Isn’t that awful? I suppose if she is alive, she is, this morning, remembering how, 51 years ago, she gave birth to a son. It’s not like you forget stuff like that. Plus, she did celebrate my birthday with me for … I don’t know … 17 years, or something. So of course she remembers.

I wonder if she’s reading this?! She probably is! She’s not stupid. She knows how to use a computer.

Mom! Are you out there?! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter. If you shop at Amazon, help support John by entering the site through this link right here--Amazon will then send John 3-4% of the cost of anything you buy before exiting the site again.

 

  • Lisa

    Happy birthday, John! We’re celebrating here too – it’s my oldest son’s birthday. He was up at 6 AM reminding us of that fact, wanting to know if he could open his presents. Glad you didn’t give your wife the same treatment. ;)

  • Lynn

    "I wonder if I should have made straight coffee this morning? Usually I make it half decaf, because my wife and I are old now, and if we get too excited we might die." ROFL!!!

  • http://christianranter.wordpress.com Des

    “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

    Lucille Ball

  • Greta Sheppard

    GOLLY, GEE, JOHN….YOU AND MY OLDEST SON SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY.

    WHAT DO YA KNOW ‘BOUT THAT? . . . SO YOUR MOTHER…WHEREVER SHE IS… AND I, HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON…WE EACH HAVE A SON WHO WRITES!

    AND DEAR MOTHER SHORE..IF YOU ARE READING THIS…YOUR SON NEEDS A HUG!

    COME ON…TAKE A CHANCE AND GIVE HIM A CALL!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN, ANYWAY….YOU BIG TEDDY BEAR! I BLESS YOU WITH A FRIENDLY PUBLISHER WHO WILL ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLES AND GIVE YOU A CONTRACT! SO BE IT!

  • Christine

    so glad I already said happy birthday, saves having to buy a present and get it fast-tracked to you so it arrives on time. Such a stress of my back. Enjoy your day dude, look forward to hearing bout it

  • Temi

    You are one hilarious guy Mr shore,i might just invite you over here to speak,i just hope you are even funnier in person.you make me really laugh.


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