“The-the-the …. That’s all, folks!”

kissofdeath1

At least his parents won't have to wonder how he caught it

As anyone who has lately read a newspaper the web or watched TV knows, right now every single person on earth is twelve minutes away from exploding from swine flu.

Not helping the crisis is calling it “swine” flu. But I guess that’s a better name than the one in everybody’s head anyway, which is “pig flu.”

This is a clear failure of our National Euphemism Regulatory Department. NERD should have labeled this flu, right off, as the “Babe Bug.” Or maybe “Porky’s Predicament.”

But … government. They’re so lame.

Speaking of which: If you go to the Centers for Disease Control’s web page, you’d have no idea there was anything more interesting going on in the world of disease control than something called Worker’s Memorial Day. As of this writing, that’s what the CDC most want us to be informed about: Workers Memorial Day.

Maybe more people have died from this flu than I’m aware of. More workers, maybe? Whom we’re already supposed to be remembering?

I’m sure they’ll get something up there soon about the Babe Bug. But at the very least they’ll be three days late.

Obama. Pfhht. And he said he was going to do stuff.

Every good public emergency needs a logo. That helps people focus. I think the logo for our current situation should be Porky Pig wearing a face mask.

Though I also think that, under no circumstances, should Porky also be saying, “Th-th-th-the … That’s all, folks!”

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is co-founder of The NALT Christians Project and founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here). His blog is here. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.