Women in Abusive Relationships: Back to Your Future!

(Update: All the posts of this series have been collected into one piece, Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships, and How to Defeat Each One of Them.)

In the last few posts of this series (The Good Daughter Syndrome, Like Everyone Else, You’re Guilty of Love, and Wave Goodbye to Your Parents) I’ve talked about the relationship between how one was raised and how one lives as an adult. Now I’d like to talk a bit about how you can go about separating yourself from the negative impact of your parents—about how you can unlearn some of the now deep-seated, harmful, self-negating things about yourself that (in one way or another) you learned as a child.

Just to be clear: If you’re a woman living in an abusive relationship, or who has a habit of getting involved with men who are emotionally or physically abusive, what we’re meaning to do here is change your life. To that end, we’re beginning with the premise that you are suffering from a psychological dysfunction. We’re saying that something has gone wrong—or, more accurately, that something is missing—from your whole, proper, and healthy understanding of yourself.

It’s unquestionably possible for you to discover and claim for yourself that missing thing. People discover the missing thing in their own life all the time. You doing that in your life will make you whole. Being whole will make you strong. Being strong will mean you can kick the abusive man who is in your life back out of your life, where his troglodyte [expletive deleted] belongs.

It is extremely important for you to understand—to accept and believe with all your heart—that no one deserves to be physically or emotionally abused. Okay? No one. And that includes you. God didn’t spend his most unfathomable powers, the most miraculous of his processes, and the generational eons of time it took to create you, so that you could spend your precious life being hit, cursed at, belittled, and abused. That is not your purpose. It’s a gross, man-created perversion of your purpose. It’s a mistake.

And it’s a mistake you can undo. And half of what it takes to undo that mistake is you simply wanting it undone, more than you want anything else in the world. The moment you commit to the idea that you no longer want to live as you have been, all kinds of positive forces, at every level of your life and being, begin moving toward helping you achieve that very noble, very exciting goal.

Remember: You, too, deserve to be loved, pampered, cared for, and respected. So let’s begin breaking the destructive cycles of the life you’re leading, and get you into the healthy, clean, love-based life that God, all along, has been yearning to share with you.

Let me post this now, since it’s already so long. I’ll write the next part of this post right now. (Oops: make that after I’ve spent some morning time with my wife, whose alarm, I hear, just went off).

I’ll have the next part up by 2 p.m. today California time.

(Part 2 of this post is up; it’s here.)

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter. If you shop at Amazon, help support John by entering the site through this link right here--Amazon will then send John 3-4% of the cost of anything you buy before exiting the site again.

 


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