Guess What This Thing Is and Win An Inscribed, Autographed Book!

whatisit

You tell me

If you are the first to correctly guess what the above Mystery Thingamajig is I will send you, free of charge, autographed by me and personally inscribed to you, a first edition copy of my critically acclaimed, earth-shattering, world famous book of which I have two boxes in my garage, entitled “I’m OK—You’re Not: The Message We’re Sending Nonbelievers And Why We Should Stop.

Good luck!

And remember: Friends don’t let friends try to brush their teeth with one of these things.

(Thanks to Greta Shepard, whose blog is here, for inspiring this trail-blazing contest.)

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • Latoya

    ummm…a film rolling thingy? a bicycle chain holder? a date stamp?

  • Latoya

    a labelling machine? some kind of measuring instrument?

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    My friend Teresa says it's a tooth remover.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Whoa; hold on their, Guessy. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. Your mind is probably just a little clouded right now because you're wrestling with the fact that you lied about not laughing till you barfed at that old drunk guy trying to sing "12 Days of Christmas." (Um … for those of you just visiting, I'm referring to this post: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/2009/09/01/i-just-laughed-so… )

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Brian: Your friend Teresa is right, in the same way a person guessing that an automobile is a telephone pole.

  • http://megaloi.blogspot.com Redlefty (Michael)

    I know what it is, and I'm glad my kids aren't looking over my shoulder! This post is Not Safe For Work.

    On the other hand, good for you for owning one of these contraptions of ecstacy, you old dog.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Michael: I may have to send you a free book or four just for the sheer excellence of this answer. (And—and I probably shouldn't even say this, but what the heck—it's just possible that your wife would be interested to know that this device comes in both manual and … um …. you know what? Let's just stop right here.)

  • Latoya

    Good Lord John and Michael!

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    You mean an automobile isn't a telephone pole? Hmm, that does explain a lot.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah, Michael. Loser.

    Brian: Ha! Funny! You still got it, brother. (But … did it come with a receipt?)

  • Latoya

    I am dying to what this is

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    It's a Clinkerator (TM), which was an ill-conceived noisemaker device from several decades ago (it was on the market for about three weeks before the inventor was found bludgeoned to death with … yes, … a Clinkerator).

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Wickle: YOU WON! Or would have, if there was a Most Original Answer category. But there isn't. There SHOULD have been, I now see. But there isn't.

    Clinkerator. TOO GREAT!!!!

  • Latoya

    primitive pliers?

  • Latoya

    cane juicer? half of a bicycle?

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    Okay so you hold the handle and you turn the wheel and that turns the two little wheels at the bottom that does something inside the device. Any chance of getting a closer look inside the opening to see what might be turning?

    BTW, please forgive me for trying to apply the scientific method to this problem.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Pipe cutter?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    HILARIOUS!! Christian, that's a classic. WRONG, of course—but a classic. (Hey, and I wanted very much to thank you for the quality and depth of the comment you made … well, here:

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/2009/09/06/true-love-the-cru

    beautiful. thank you.)

    Julia: YOU GUESSED IT! Too bad that you guessed it wrong. Bummer.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    (Is it too soon for me to leave my first Official Hint? Well. Yes.)

  • http://solnushka.wordpress.com/ Solnushka

    It's a thingamijig. Clearly.

  • Chritsine

    it's a dodamahitzit….my mother owns at least twelve of them, they all look completely different too each other mind you

  • Chritsine

    no seriously it is an ancient musical instrument that was used by the Israelites. When they have the word 'Selah' in the Psalms they are referring to a solo of this instrument…the Selah

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    OK, this has just gotten sad….

  • Chritsine

    sorry :( my humour is obviously not up to par…the curse of being a theology student

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Well, my wife is speculating that it's an exercise device. No big, grand story, so I'm not sure that it's worth posing, but there it is …

  • Chritsine

    hahahaha God I'm sure is as confused about Selah meant as the rest of us…why couldn't they speak English?? The rest of the bible does!!

  • Chritsine

    i hope we all know I am joking

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    An exercise device. Interesting guess! Not in the sense of being right—but interesting!

  • Judy

    Obviously, it's an antique kitchen tool use to make that special design on pie crust. Or, the first attempt at making a unicycle. But, as it had a difficult seat, only one pedal and no wheel on the ground, the rider got nowhere fast.

  • Greta Sheppard

    golly gee….has it anything to do with a maternity ward..ie…an instrument for helping babies out of the birthing canal?….

  • Judy

    Gosh, Greta! I hope not!

  • Lauri

    It makes lines somehow- by marking or something. Maybe for sewing/measuring or maybe for print work.

    That's Lauri, no "e" H-a-h-n. Something about being a creative inspiration, etc etc.

    Thanks for playing.

  • http://www.aelc.edu.au/the-naked-ape-blog/index.html Nathan

    A walnut cracker? But I really wish it was an egg wisk…And that the inventor had never been born (although the fact that he/she died in poverty is probably enough to make it 'ok')

  • Chritsine

    Nathan: ahahahahahahaha

  • Chritsine

    my mother's educated guess is a small tunnelling machine

  • Latoya

    Hint. Please?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Lauri: You ARE inspiring. There's no rule that says to be inspiring you have to be right. And that really works for you.

    Nathan: Christine's right: That was extremely hilarious.

    Catherine: It's so cool that your dad is upholding that enduring tradition of fathers authoritatively telling their children stuff that's wrong.

  • Catherine

    Or is it a car transmission??? (:

  • Catherine

    Hahaha….ok I'll stop listening to my father from this day >_<

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Catherine: Is that another vote of your dad's? Perhaps there's something on television you could him to watch. Men like TV. Your dad should probably go watch some TV now.

  • Cheryl

    A yarn or string winder?

  • Catherine

    Actually he's doing something…I'm just being annoying and trying to make him guess.

    Well, the only thing that comes to my mind right now is that you could kill someone with that (:

  • Mark Lattimore

    My first inclination was one of those wind up devices for the Evil Knievel motorcycle — you know the one, you'd wind the crank until the motorcycle went shooting across the kitchen floor and violated the cat's very personal space. Of course, it looks old, so maybe it was the wind up device for the deluxe Spartacus Chariot. But that was just my first inclination, not my final answer.

    I want the book, so I'm going with bone saw.

  • Cheryl

    Fire starter! To make sparks on flint.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    ok i have 3 guesses

    1. its for mining faster (even though thats not quite a pick axe on the end)

    2. its for massages

    3. its used for a boat

  • http://www.grace-gracetoday.blogspot.com Sharon

    Perhaps a paint mixer. The chain must have some purpose and it might plunge and splurt the paint around in the can. I honestly haven’t given it great considerable thought, but that’s my guess.

    Happy 9/09/09. The phrase of the day, eh…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, Sharon. How I wish I could reward you with a free book. But, alas, doing so would be as wrong as your guess. Nice try, though! Good guess!

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    The activation switch for the Omega 13?

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Blade sharpner…??

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Remember how in Economics class you were always talking about widgets, with no explanation of what a widget is or what it does, or why you'd care?

    Well, there you have it … the widget!

  • Vicki in NC

    Can opener. Corkscrew. Apple Peeler.

  • Vicki in NC

    Nutcracker. Car jack. Eggbeater.

  • Vicki in NC

    Land shark.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    HOLY COW those are some funny guesses!!

    Land shark! CAR JACK! I love it. I can see I won’t be fishing any books out of my garage real soon—but I can’t believe how FUNNY you guys are being.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    You know, I almost feel sorry for you guys.

    Almost.

    I can't believe it. I can't even GIVE my book away.

  • http://sharpiron.org Christian Beyer

    From Craftsman’s new line of neighborhood and Earth friendly tools – an ultra-quiet and low-carbon emitting chain saw. Marketed in conjunction with Gator Ade and Advil.

  • Melissa

    Last guesses and then bed… cocktail mixer upper, pastry blender, early horror film prop…

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Part of a type of sewing machine….?

  • http://www.wix.com/zacheus/Timothy-Fowler/ Timothy Fowler

    a box opener for the free book you are going to send me.

  • Bill

    I know what that is, my dads a gynecologist, and brought let me bring it to school for show and tell in 3rd grade.

  • Bill

    some sort of archeological digging/rock carving device?

  • Bill

    oh, how about some ancient torture mechanism!?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Christine: No, it was funny! I especially appreciated the chutzpah of your “Selah” answer. God won’t, of course. But I did.

  • Chritsine

    oooo galaxy quest..it's a rudimentary lathe……awesomest movie ever!!!!!

  • Chritsine

    my friend reckons a polystyrene cutter (we will share the book if he's right LOL)

  • Catherine

    My dad says is a car steering system

    Do I get a book? :P

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Cheryl: It IS just like a yarn winder! Except for completely not.

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    "Rudimentary lathe" … that is among the best lines of the movie! (Of course, there are many such lines … "Let's go before one of those things kills Guy" is the one I quote all the time right now.)

    The movie, of course, as was noted, is easily among the best EVER!

    Ahem …

    You gave us a hint already, didn't you? You called it a "thingamajig." JIG. As in Irish dancing.

    This is a device invented by leprechauns to allow those with only one leg to dance a jig with the rest of them. Sit on that rather-uncomfortable-looking seat, push the one pedal, and there you go!

    They should have consulted with the dwarfs for more engineering tips, maybe, but there it is … a thingamajig!

    A related object is the thingamabob, which is a floatation device for gnomes.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Hm. Early industrial fabric cutter..??

  • Lisa

    A hand-mixer /egg-beater?

  • http://facebook.com/tammysgiss Tammy

    Is it some sort of steering column?

  • Melissa

    An ice crusher?

  • Lisa

    something to do with making pie crusts?

  • Melissa

    coffee bean grinder, spice grinder, pattern marker? Oh my, I have to know what this is….

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well, I think it's safe to say the WORST guess I'll get in is "leprechaun dancing aide."

    Now, today is a new day. Many of you have spent a night subconsciously processing the nature and purpose of this object, and will surely awaken today intuiting that guesses such as "rudimentary lathe," "archeological digging device," and "polystyrene cutter" are … well, actually, pretty good guesses. Wrong, but good.

    Tim: HILARIOUS!

    All you guys are being really delightful. I'll be sad when I have to end this party. Not that when it's over any of you will be able to find the front door.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Wickle: Omega 13!!! “Galaxy Quest” is the greatest movie in the history of the world!! We watch it about once a week. Well. A month. But for years!

    To the rest of you: No, no, niet, nine, nope, not, no, wrong, not even close.

    Tomorrow, I suspect I will be moved to leave a hint. Perhaps in POETRY form. Wouldn’t that be annoyingly good fun for all except for everyone who’s not me?

    I am predicting someone will get it by 11 a.m. tomorrow at the latest. I feel it. One of you will get it. Well, none of YOU will, but … someone will.

  • http://www.geoffreport.com/wp/ Geoff

    Manual Chainsaw. But it’s probably not a stupid enough answer to be right.

  • Cheryl

    A portable knife or sword sharpener? The only thing I can see that the chain might move are the large wheel/attached crank and the small wheels. And the small wheels look like if they work together they might sharpen metal. That piece holding the small wheels and their attachments appears to be extendable or contractable, which means that part of the machine may have the real usefulness. A bullet mold or shaver/calibrater? (Whatever is done to bullets to clean them up after they’re cast.)

    I hope to wake up to find out the answer. I don’t need to win though, because I already have this book of yours, John. But I do need to KNOW…..!

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    Some sort of metering device? A calibrated frantibulator?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Okay, now we're just making up words. (Aren't we?)

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    John: "(And—and I probably shouldn’t even say this, but what the heck—it’s just possible that your wife would be interested to know that this device comes in both manual and … um …. you know what? Let’s just stop right here.)"

    Maybe I dont want to know what it is… 0-o

    Or maybe i do….

  • Latoya

    a key?

  • Latoya

    Jeez i wish i could delete that last guess!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well, you can't. I could. But you can't. And I would. But I won't.

  • Latoya

    I used to like you John Shore, but now you're trying my patience too

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    I would have to say either a meat grinder or an old batter mixer

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Part of a loom? Antique garden tool?

    Dangit, and i really wanted that book…

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    I've got it. It's a piece of sculpture with no functional use whatsoever…

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    The worst guess? Sigh …

    Well, then, I'm sure you'll be surprised when I reveal that it's an agitator used by prospectors to shake river pans or those dirt-collander things whose name I can't recall, and thereby sift dirt and look for the gold within.

    There. You can send my book along, now … ; -)

  • milkmanguitarist

    How about a wood router?

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    I didn't say I had the correct answer… I just said I had "it". Please don't notify public health officials in your neighborhood.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Brian: I'm sure public health officials across the United States are already tracking your every move by satellite.

  • Tim

    babyfishmouth!! babyfishmouth!!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, wait. A scroll saw. Duh. No.

  • Latoya

    LOL!!

  • Latoya

    This has me laughing way more than that crazy vid you posted couple days ago!

  • Martin Brozovich

    or is it a #*&$@%@#!$% ?

    That's what I said when I dropped in on my foot !!!!

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Tree debarker…?

    Anyhoo, gotta go take Mom to her port flush. Congrats to whomever wins!

  • Latoya

    Tim: babyfishmouth?????????? LOL!!!!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, Julia. If only you had GUESSED port flusher…!

  • Stephanie

    Used to hand paint lines on streets…..skinny lines!

  • Martin Brozovich

    I found it on google…. it's a unicycle prototype for a female (obviously)

  • Stephanie

    mini butter churner

  • Latoya

    This has to stop. I volunteer to be the one who gets the book. Somebody's got to do it

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Stephanie: Yes. This is what they use to make midget prisoners paint street lines in small towns throughout the Midwest and in parts of Crazyville.

    Martin: I don't even want to know what kind of site gave you that information.

    Stephanie: Yes, this is what the Keebler Elves use when they want to make their special batch of Lady Finger cookies that contain the actual fingers of ladies.

  • Martin Brozovich

    (OK I fabricated my answer- just like you fabricated this in photoshop!) LOL

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Now, Latoya. Let's not give up that easily. If Einstein had given up so easily, do you think he would have ever guessed that the thing that warps everyone's life is their relatives? No. And so we, in that same spirit, should continue on.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Martin: Accusing me of photo manipulation. This just gets sadder and sadder ….

  • Latoya

    Question. John, do you even know what the answer is???

  • Kim

    ok maybe not

  • Liz

    Its obviously an instrument of torture. Did you wrestle your dentist for it?

  • Martin Brozovich

    a manual nosehair trimmer/bikini liner

  • Martin Brozovich

    John, what are it's dimensions ?

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    KRON 4 Traffic Reporter George Rask says it's for "Julianing Green Beans"

  • Martin Brozovich

    pardon the random '

  • http://oasisyachts.com David Tomen

    Tooth extractor

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    KRON 4 "People Behaving Badly" reporter Stanley Roberts says "it's an old-fashioned way to tone up your stomach"

    As you can tell, I'm showing this around the KRON 4 newsroom.

  • Lisa

    surgical saw blade

  • Keith

    A manual Chainsaw?

  • Martin

    ith a thooth gwinder

  • Stephanie

    thooth gwinder for horses

  • Stephanie

    beak trimmer for chickens

  • Stephanie

    toe nail trimmer for dogs?

  • Stephanie

    it's a spool threader……….

  • Kim

    a saw to dismantle dead bodies

  • Martin

    IT'S REALLY A TIME WASTER FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING !!

    THANKS JOHN…….

  • Kim

    a vegetable slicer

  • Kim

    or maybe the 1st generation pizza slicer

  • http://facebook.com/tammysgiss Tammy Nelson

    I know what it is!!!! It's a conversation starter. *grin*

  • http://jerrisblog.blogspot.com Jerri Harrington

    Okay….I can't think of anything funny to say. I have poison ivy. I'm on steroids for 3 weeks, and I'm tired from staying up all night scratching….so it's either a poison ivy scratcher or one of the first chain saws used by the first chainsaw murderer who killed his neighbor who has a poison ivy garden in her backyard! :(

  • Latoya

    I'm never reading this blog again

  • Latoya

    Well…not until the next time i read it

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Wow! I see things are startin' to get ugly up in here!

    Man. I leave the house for a couple of hours to pretend I have anything like a social life, and then come back to find … well, first of all .. :

    Lisa: A book binder? Really? Like, for one of FRANKENSTEIN'S BOOKS???

    Martin: bikini-line trimmer. I love you. But fear you, terribly.

    "Julianing green beans." I LOVE this answer. I feel toward it like I might feel toward a retarded tea-cup poodle.

    "Tooth extractor." So that's the SECOND or third full-on dental answer. Hmm. Which reminds me I need to yet again cancel my teeth-cleaning appointment…

    "Tooth gwinder." HILARIOUS! Wong, of courth, but HILARIOUS!

    "Tooth gwinder for HORSES!" Man, you guys rock. Outstanding.

    "Beak trimmer for chickens." Again, we find ourselves leaning toward the oral. And again, I'm afraid of my readers.

    "Toe nail trimmer for dogs." If only dogs had toes. So no.

    "Spool threader!" Someone else guessed something like that, too! And they, too, were wronger than grandpa in a tutu.

    "A saw to dismantle dead bodies." That's it. I'm closing down this blog. And moving.

    "A time waster." GREAT!! I'm tempted to declare this person a winner. Thank God that as a Christian I've learned to resist temptation.

    "Massage tool"? I missed that one. And yes, this is the right guess. It's a tool the Marquis de Sade used to massage his girlfriends.

    Now it's at this point in the comment chain where things take a turn toward the unsavory. Let me just say that I am NOT withholding the answer so more people will come to my blog. I don't think new people ARE coming to my blog: I'm pretty sure at this point it's just me and you nine or ten wifflers.

    Except I AM starting to wonder how best to reveal what this thing is. And of course there's no way that at this point the truth of it WON'T be a disappointment. And I really, really hate to disappoint people.

  • Latoya

    You are a wicked, wicked man

  • Martin

    drum roll please

    brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  • Martin

    I really haven't laughed this hard since I left the toilet seat up (accidentally) and heard the wife baptize her nether regions in the middle of the night !!

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Great googly moogly!! come back from Mom's port flushing and find some like 40 gazillion email notifications in my inbox; all from this blog….!!!

    What is it already!?!?!?!

  • Bill

    I know what it is, YOU dont know what it is, you're reading someone else's blog with the exact same picture, and if you guess it right, you get the latest harry potter book. you simply just submit all of our answers that we send you, and keep telling us if we're wrong based on what the other blogger said. BRILLIANT. In that case, here are a couple ideas of what it may be:

    Brazilian Night Head Gear

    Abortionator

    Skateboard

    Hockey Stick

    Leather Faces Lipstick

    A lamp thats not plugged in

    My intro to college algebra text book

    Lemme know if WE won, cuz i want that harry potter shit too. thanks. MWAH

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    One last guess- -an olive pitter….?

    Jar opener?

    Okay so that was two….;P

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    I see. So now we've just certifiiable batnuts.

    What the …?

    And Julia: How is that you're getting ANY "email notifications" from this blog?? Who's writing you?

    I'm confused. But, I mean, more than usual.

    I like that Tibetan prayer wheel answer. This would be, like, Freddy Krueger's prayer wheel.

    Martin: Why am I not surprised to find myself already feeling acutely sorry for your wife? (Though that IS a funny image, and sound. So never mind. Now I feel sorry for YOU when she came back to bed.)

    Olive pitter? Seriously? As in, how they make martinis in the Land of the Giants?

    And speaking of drinking too much: Bill. Please. Just say no. At least ONCE. To SOMETHING.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    ok so its PAST 11 EVERYWHERE… wheres the hint?!

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    There's a little box below the post window where you can check to subscribe to this posting and recieve emails notifications of new comments posted.

    Look- there's like 4 more in my inbox already!

    Did anyone guess nut cracker yet…?

    Leather cutter?

    Tool for making dentures?

    A doohickey?

    I give….

  • Latoya

    It's abstract art

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Chris: Okay, Bossy Boy: I didn't say I'd leave a hint at 11. All I said, last night, was that I SUSPECTED that sometime during today I'd be MOVED to leave a hint, and that I IMAGINED that by 11 a.m. this morning someone would guess it. That's all I said.

    I WAS going to tell you guys what it is, but now I'm pissed. So forget it.

    Okay, I'm over it.

    Tell you what I'll do. In one hour–at 3 p.m. PST, I'll post a photo on my blog that WILL be enough of a clue for someone to follow its hint to the answer.

    Does that time work for everybody? 3 p.m.?

  • Julia

    A device to replace bicycle chains

  • Bill

    ill be in court

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Bill: Why am I not surprised that you'll be in court?

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    John: You might not want to show the publishers your 400lb spastic comment to Julia… or they'll take you out to a whole different kind of dinner.

  • Latoya

    its a grass/shrub cutter!

  • Latoya

    no! no! its a plow!

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Well, see if I guess again on your posts…!!! ;-PPP

    (But I will take that free copy…..)

  • Latoya

    ok. I am about to leave work and wont reach home for atleast another hour. somebody must get it by then

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Sounds like somebody needs to work some overtime tonight ….

  • Julia

    Only my 2nd post- see if I post any more either /:p

    Used replace screening to big windows

    * jumps and screams*

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    Less than 10 minutes until 3:00 and you can cut the tension with a knife… but not with one of these contraptions…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Brian: FUNNY!!! But apparently you didn't read my very recent comment about all the good reasons that occurred to me for NOT ending this contest quite yet…

    Still. Too late for me now, I suppose….

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    I did read it John but you've never let good reason get in the way of this blog before…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say 3:00 TODAY?

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    John: "Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say 3:00 TODAY?"

    ***glares in John's general direction***

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    Julia #2: Only my 2nd post- see if I post any more either /:p

    Used replace screening to big windows

    * jumps and screams*

    Hi Julia. This is the other Julia. ;)

    I think you're refering to a spliner….?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    OK, later on, when you guys learn what the NEW thing I've posted is—and you will, soon—I want everyone to remember that someone guessed it was for perfume.

  • Bill

    I'm not one for quitting, but i [bad word'n] give up. Best of luck to you all.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    well i also read gretas blog that "inspired" this and still have no clue after reading that mumbo jumbo lol

    ALSO

    i think i should get the book just cause im in San Diego and can pick it up easily :P

  • Chritsine

    this stupid thing actually kept me up all night trying to figure it out…it would be easier just to BUY your damned book lol. Ok here goes

    an instrument used to cut or mark leather

    an ice cutter

    a flint sparker

    a hair trimmer

    a nail file

    a device invented for the sole purpose of doing physical bodily harm to John Shore?

  • Chritsine

    AND it is so unfair to say that you are gonna post a clue when people in the sensible hemisphere are asleep and hopefully not still on a computer trying to guess this thing!!! it would've been 3am here!!!

  • Mark Lattimore

    Hand cranked skull saw. C'mon the skull is made up of bone and I guessed bone saw yesterday.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Latoya: Don’t be a hater. But be a better guestimater.

    Chris: You would have to say it’s a meat grinder or or old batter mixer, would you? Then, like the chaste date, I would have to just say no.

    Julia: For a mere $3.99 you CAN have my book (and read it’s intro for free) here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/15829189/Im-OKYoure-Not-The-Message-Were-Sending-Nonbelievers-and-Why-We-Should-Stop

    Now go and be cheap no more.

    Brian: AND WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER!! In Opposite Land. Too bad we’re here.

    Wickle: Is there no end to your hilarity? Or beginning to your being right?

    Milkmanguitarist: You know milk. You know guitars. You may know wood routers. But you have no idea what this thing is.

  • Latoya

    I’m a fabulous guestimater thank you very much! wait…is that what it is? a guestimater??? Yes thats it!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Tim: You owe me a new computer.

  • Latoya

    John you said somebody would get it by about 11 am. its way past that now… please give us a clue

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Latoya: Is “fabulous” Jamaican patois for “completely wrong”?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Latoya: It’s only 9:45 a.m. here in California, sister. You watch. Someone’ll get it. It’s a free book written by me. When you motivate people with something that desirable, miracles happen.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    A type/part of scroll saw…?

  • http://www.kellykirbyfisher.blogspot.com Kelly

    Is it a chainsaw?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Julia: What’s a scroll saw?

  • Martin Brozovich

    It is a mole/skin tag remover …..

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Martin: Yes. The Incredible Hulk keeps this in one of his bathroom drawers, right next to his cuticle shovel.

  • Dawn

    Oh, sorry… I didn't realize it was the medical device which has nothing to do with a photographer's bellows. Forgive me!

    PS – I gave up all of my housework chores to win your book tonight. I might be frowned upon for doing so.

    Drats!!

  • Martin Brozovich

    you can keep the book, can I have the thingamajig ?

  • Latoya

    Martin you are killing me!! LOLOLOL!!

  • Kim

    a chainsaw…

  • http://animbilivens.blogspot.com Casey

    We need a hint John.

  • Lisa

    A paper cutter? A book binder?

  • Dawn

    PPS – Bill, you ought to watch your language. It's really not necessary and you never know, Bill; there may be kids under 18 reading this highly interesting blog and you just dirtied it up for them.

    Think before you hit "send" (or submit in this case) as they say…please?

  • Bill

    What the [heck] did you say, Dawn?

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    Dawn, have you ever been to high school? theres nonstop cussing and racial slurs everywhere… in a place with rules…. this is the internet, im pretty sure theyre gonna have heard it before going to a Christian blog site

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    Okay what happened to John? I’ve been waiting for his witty putdowns of my latest guesses and those of my coworkers. Also my friend Chris is quite disappointed that John didn’t ridicule his three overnight suggestions… including that of massage tool.

  • Martin

    Brian, he’s on google trying to figure out what it is !

  • Latoya

    Maybe he went to Starbucks to find his next blog topic

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    For sure Tammy, it’s a way to drive page views on the blog..

  • Stephanie

    I agree with Martin, it’s a time waster!!! And a frustrator……………we’ll probably be disappointed when we find out what the heck the silly thing is. Isn’t it 11AM where John lives yet??? We’ve exhausted all the possibilities beyond the ridiculous so speak up John, what the heck is this thing?

  • jeri

    Its a Prayer and Meditation device. When you’re Crankin’ on lifes weirdness and you need to get closer to God you just make a thousand revolutions, much like a Tibetan Prayer Wheel or a rosary.

    John Shore made this for our amused diversions in clean living.

  • Latoya

    it works fine for me

  • Cheryl

    Well that was fun! Lots of close guesses, far more funny ones, and a even a little moment of "watch yo' mouth" among the participants right at the very end. Love it. Let's play again sometime.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    ***Hums ‘Anticipation’ to herself….***

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Although, you know: Maybe this thing IS bringing me readers. This post has been viewed 700 times. Maybe I SHOULDN’T end it too soon. I need stuff. I need readers. I need people to join my Facebook fan page so when I go out to sell my next book publishers are forced to offer to buy me lunch.

    I think this stupid thing is WORKING for me.

    On the other hand, I want you guys to be happy.

    But whenever we get what we think we desire, does it ever really satisfy us?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Julia: I’ll send you a book if you’ll STOP guessing. It’s like watching a 400-lb. spastic take yet another try on a trampoline. That’s on the side of a hill.

  • Cheryl

    Nathan was closer than he knew when he guessed "a walnut cracker" at 5pm. I particularly like his comment that, if guessed wrong, it would be enough satisfaction for him to know that the inventor of the device died in poverty. Haha!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah, I mean, the quality of the stuff that happened here today was amazing, I thought. Everybody was pretty on their game.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Latoya: Do you really think it’s in the best interest of everyone for you to continue giving people reason to believe in the stereotype that everyone in Jamaica is always stoned?

    Brian: It doesn’t matter what kind of dinner the publishers take me to. The important thing is that, in the end, they’ll do everything they can to eat my lunch.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    so it looks like Mark Lattimore won… i dont know why this continued when you know he got it correct

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    OH! SORRY, JULIA #2!!!

    If you track up, you’ll see there’s ANOTHER Julia who’s made about a zillion guesses. I was goofing with her. I totally didn’t realize a whole NEW Julia had entered the conversation. Sorry!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well. lemme tell you why I let it continue, Snarky Pants. Mark guessed it was a "bone saw." That IS close—but to my mind it wasn't correct—or not correct enough. My thinking was that a bone saw is … well, a bone saw, meaning a saw that you could use on any human bone. THIS instrument is highly specialized; it can be used on only one bone.

    Plus, I don't think most people think of the skull as a "bone." That's not what people mean by the word "bone." They mean a SKELETAL bone.

    At the time I couldn't say, "Well, that was close, Mark," because just saying that would have revealed too much. I had to decide for myself whether or not, if this was Jeopardy and I was the judge to whom they had to turn for a decision on whether "bone saw" was close enough for the win, I would allow it. I decided that I wouldn't. (I also asked my wife, who said, "No way. Not close enough.") I don't think most people would have given "bone saw" the nod. It's not close enough.

    Wiener.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    ok so its for perfume?

  • http://www.myspace.com/chrislazzaro Chris

    injections maybe?

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    skull saw

  • Dawn

    For crying in a bucket…I have to tell them: It’s an old-fashioned device which assisted those in the photography profession!

  • Mark Lattimore

    As an old law school professor liked to say "You da judge." I can live with that. I can't wait to play the next game. Be well.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Wait until today's post, which I'll have up in a minute or two….

  • http://francophonerss.com Auxier

    Well that was fun! Lots of close guesses, far more funny ones, and a even a little moment of "watch yo' mouth" among the participants right at the very end. Love it. Let's play again sometime….

  • Martin

    John: I think your mystery item was used on Bill …. or course after a bender he always said,

    “I should’ve had a frontal lobotomy instead of a bottle in front of me !”


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