On “A Swingin’ Christmas,” Tony Bennett and His Daughter Sing Wildly Inappropriate Duet

How does Tony and Antonia Bennett’s duet on “A Swingin’ Christmas” not sound like an ode to incest? [Read more...]

When Trumpeting Angels Sound Just Like Passing Gas

What a joy it can be, when the angels play their trumpets in the key of Major Gas. [Read more...]

Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto.

1. The Pilgrims were: a.  an exceptionally boring rock band from Kidneypool, England. b. a sure way to kill any party. c. the least fashionable sailors ever. d. Christians who fled England in rebellion against Henry VIII’s forbidding of pew cushions. 2. The first thing Indians thought upon meeting the Pilgrims was: a. “Why are these [Read More...]

Why Can’t I Have Any Drugs?

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not recovered enough to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!) (This post is a continuation of my last four or five posts.) Why won’t the nurses who are taking [Read More...]

In A Hospital Waiting Room

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not where she’d need to be to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!) (To catch up if you wanna, please see my last three posts, of which this is [Read More...]

NOBODY PANIC!!!!!

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not where she’d need to be to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!) Wife Cat due at hospital this morning for operation at 7 o’clock. (Thanks for loving notes [Read More...]

Top 10 Things I’ll Worry About While My Wife is Getting Surgery Tomorrow

These are the things I’ll be worrying about when my wife is getting surgery tommorow. [Read more...]

My Wife Catherine’s Going in For a Major Operation This Tuesday, 7 a.m.

Yo, friends. In the most bloggiest of fashions (yay! remember when blogging meant keeping your friends and loved ones up on what was happening in your life, rather than what it means now, which is Write Completely Excellent Stand-Alone Column Pieces? Me, neither. But still), I am, in the quickest of morning moments, jettisoning All [Read More...]

My Five Reasons For Not Having Children

When young my wife and I decided not to have children. Here’s why. [Read more...]

I’ll Bet People Magazine Doesn’t Even Return My Photos

Are you kidding me, People magazine? This guy is your 2009 “Sexiest Man Alive”?! Oh, come on. He looks like one of the Village People on drugs. And his being on drugs would explain why Johnny No-Depth here is clearly hallucinating that he’s on a polar bear rug with a roaring fireplace behind him. Plus—hello, [Read More...]


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