10 Important Lessons You Can Learn From Watching Porn

On the Christian website Crosswalk.com I yesterday spotted an article entitled (something like) “Can Pornography Be Educational?” Though I failed to read the article, its title did get me thinking about these top 10 lessons that I think can be learned by anyone who pays close enough attention to pornographic movies:

1. A porno movie is like a farmer in the city: they’re both desperate for even a little plot.

2. Porno is gossip boiled down to its most elemental components.

3. It apparently sometimes pleases God to indulge in anatomical exaggeration. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

4. Getting paid to pretend you’re enjoying sex is only a little more depressing than paying to watch someone who is getting paid to pretend they’re enjoying sex.

5. “Find repulsive; tolerate; accept; desire” are the steps to Satan’s four-step waltz.

6. You know you’ve watched too much computer porn when you realize you’re ambidextrous.

7. Porn is like lunch: it’s never, ever free.

8. Way, way too many men hate women.

9. Sex without love is depressing.

10. Sex without love is really depressing.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • http://www.screwtype.com Lucas

    Please do let us know which google searches lead to people finding this post. I'm scared to find out, but curious.

    Other lesson that occurred to me:

    *Apparently far more sex is based on puns than most realize. ("Who ordered the sausage? …Urp, let go of my pants, please?"

  • http://namesake.wordpress.com Dale

    Point 6 is lol funny in that "I wish that thought had not crossed my mind" kind of way.

    But, you missed one:

    11. Sex without love is really, really, very depressing.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Dale: Well, you WILL think of point #6 next time you realize that, say, you'd just assume brush your teeth with either hand.


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