A new sexual alphabet

You’ve heard of LGBTTQQIIAA. Now meet the rest of the alphabet. [Read more…]

10 reasons why the Super Bowl is more fun than church

This Sunday I, along with bazillions of other Christians, will choose watching the Super Bowl over going to church. Why? Because compared to church the Super Bowl offers: [Read more…]

True or False: Dinosaurs Lived with People

You may have already seen on the Internet this “science” test, which was given to students of a private Christian school in South Carolina: [Read more…]

Letter from a sincere would-be polyamorous guy, or a fundy troll faking it?

If you read or skimmed the reader comments to Christian Polyamory and/or One Man. Two Fiancees. One Prenup-nup, you know that many readers suspect that either or both of their letters were written not by men seeking enlightenment on how they can happily be husband to two wives, but rather by duplicitous Christian fundy trolls. [Read more…]

The Mystery of the Disappearing Carolers

Whatever happened to that great tradition of wandering around in the freezing dark singing Christmas songs in the hopes that someone will eventually come out of their house and feed you? [Read more…]

Get thee behind me, Santa!

[READER ADVISORY ALERT: Joke. The below is a joke, with the funny and the laughing and the ho-hoing.] Don’t we Christians want the primary focus of Christmas to be Christ? And don’t all the Pagan Party People pestering us with their perniciously pervasive propaganda promoting puerile, pea-brained positivity want the primary focus of Christmas to be Santa [Read More…]

How to make a cop insist that you get out of his car

First of all, let me say happy Monday! A new week! New possibilities! New challenges! New clothes, maybe, if you went out and bought some recently. I dunno. I haven’t bought any new clothes since last time I had a normal job, which was … um … gosh, when I worked in law offices about [Read More…]

Top 10 Things I WON’T Say To Rob Bell During Our Lunch Today

Later today I’ll be having lunch with former mega-church founder and leader, best-selling author and soon-to-be huge television star Rob Bell. While of course security concerns prohibit me from revealing the location of what Rob has called our “epic lunch,” two words should be enough for you to grasp the magnitude of this groundbreaking summit: [Read More…]

Then I went to hell

I saw her standing there—then I went to hell! I heard it through the grapevine—then I went to hell! I can’t get no satisfaction—then I went to hell! I just called to say I love you—then I went to hell! I shot the sheriff—then I went to hell! [Read more…]

Love is a many splintered thing

People always say that love is an unfathomable mystery no mortal can fully understand. But they’re wrong. Love is like a tapeworm. It’s invasive, sucks the life out of you, makes you take drugs, makes you walk funny, gives you a fever, and causes you to spend a lot of time in the bathroom crying. [Read More…]