I Cried Today

I cried today—which, for me, is like a vulture saying, “I tried tofu today.” I use my tear ducts so rarely I wasn’t even sure I still have them. But there I was, standing in my little voting booth this morning, staring at the words, “Barak Obama and Joe Biden.” And suddenly I was seeing through [Read More…]

What McCain Supporters Look Like To Obama

Ineffectually threatening. Operates underground. Totally blind. Slings mud. Grabby. Extremely uncuddly. Probably the result of inbreeding. (This, by the way, is a star-nosed mole. They can smell underwater, are impervious to weather, and are the fastest-eating mammals on the planet. Be afraid. Photo [and article here] by the great Kenneth Catania.) Related posts: What Obama Supporters Look [Read More…]

More Fun With Animals: What Obama’s Supporters Look Like To McCain

Moronically loyal. Dreadlocked. Blind. Prone to fleas. High maintenance. Hot. (Thanks, Jon Gilbert!) See also: And Finally: What McCain Supporters Look Like To Obama,  How John McCain Sees Barack Obama, How Barack Obama Sees John McCain, What Hillary Looks Like in Obama’s Dreams, What Obama Looks Like In Hillary’s Dreams. [Read more…]

How Barack Obama Sees John McCain

This is: A. How Barack Obama sees John McCain B. How John McCain sees Bill Clinton C. How Bill Clinton sees Monica Lewinsky D. How Monica Lewinskly sees Jenny Craig E. How Jenny Craig sees everybody F. All of the above G. A blogfish H. A blobfish Related (as in Just As Stupid) posts: How [Read More…]

What Obama Looks Like In Hillary’s Dreams

This is: A. How Hillary Clinton sees Barack Obama: cute; makes everyone feel good; lacks legs; B. The star of the new Pixar movie: “Smerdly, the Littlest Nose Picker” C. A lot less fun to step on than you’d think D. A Venusian who’s polite enough not to point E. The result of a date gone terribly wrong [Read More…]

What Hillary Looks Like In Obama’s Dreams

This is: A. What Hillary Clinton looks like in Barack Obama’s dreams B. Batman in his much, much later years C. The love child of E. T. and Liza Minnelli D. The pet mouse of Barry Bonds E. Me, suffering God’s punishment for making jokes at the expense of others F. Satan’s little bundle of joy, Beelzebubby G. [Read More…]

Obama’s Trinity Church Runs Full-Page Ad in New York Times

As I mentioned in my recent post, Good Friday; My 50th Birthday Today; Why White People Can Relax, I have a friend in Chicago who, like Barack Obama, is a member of Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s now famous Trinity United Church in Christ. This friend (hi, Sheree!) e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that the UCC had run a full-page [Read More…]