Attack of the Killer Squirrels: The End

So that’s when I sprayed all the squirrels with a can of mace.Kidding! What really happened is that I took off my shoe, and all the squirrels instantly keeled over. Then, shamelessly taking advantage of the squirrels’ temporary lack of consciousness, Cat and I tied all the squirrels’ tails together. Oh, what fun ensued as [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels, Ocho

So the thing is, we were surrounded. You know how when something suddenly happens that’s so completely new that your brain tries to do with it the only thing it can, which is to try to turn it into whatever it has in its Data Bank of Previous Experiences that’s closest to the thing it’s [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels, Seven

(We left off with me cutting down on my hate mail by finally getting to the part where the squirrels actually attack us.) Right. The squirrels barreling down on us barged right past that happy, interspecies  Buffer Zone. That was the first sign that something was terribly wrong. I don’t know how wildlife does it [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels 6

My wife Cat and I were sitting on our magical hill in San Diego’s Balboa Park, reveling in the beauteous wonder that is nature. Off to our left was a spread of dense, gnarly … above-ground tree roots, basically. I won’t even try to describe this botanical oddity. But think gold-hued, ancient, above-ground tree roots [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels, No. 5

While my wife and I were walking around Balboa Park, we came into an area that we both instantly recognized as the Reality Version of a fantasy place we dream about all the time. “Whoa,” said Cat, stopping. “Whoa,” said I, bumping into her back. And there it was. Our Hill With The Tree. Now [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels, the Fourth

So. Seniors in White. About 50 of them. Turns out they were lawn bowling. When we first came upon them, I said, “Hey! Bocce ball!” “No,” said a player near me with surprisingly good hearing. “Lawn Bowling.” I stepped nearer to this guy, because he had a nice face and it was a beautiful day [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels III

(We left off last time with me … um … being a schizophrenic mind-possessor. It wasn’t pretty. You didn’t miss anything.)Killer attack squirrels! For real! So here’s the lowdown on the crazed rodent hoedown. My wife Cat and I were walking around San Diego’s Balboa Park. Gorgeous day. Vast expanses of grass looking like the [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels, Part Deux

(We left off last time with me promising to get serious about getting to the part of this story that actually involves my wife Cat and me getting attacked by killer squirrels.) About twenty minutes into our walk through San Diego’s Balboa Park on a day so beautiful it was like being transported into heaven [Read More…]

Attack of the Killer Squirrels

So it’s spring here in San Diego. Which means the weather is … well, like it is just about every other day of the year, which is so beautiful it practically makes you want to stay inside and close all your curtains since you can’t take the pressure of having to do something worthy of [Read More…]