When God pulls out his fork

He told me that his kids confessed to smoking all his weed, this cabbie did.

“When they were in their 40s, they finally admitted it. I didn’t know it was them. I thought my wife was taking my stash,” he said.

I hadn’t asked him about his pot smoking habits. It never occurs to me to ask that. I suppose because in my entire life, I have never once smoked weed. When you grow up the younger sister of a brother with a drug addiction and a mother popping pills, sometimes, all that has the reverse effect — it makes you swear off all that nonsense.

I had only asked the cabbie about his children, if he had any. He launched into the details of that all on his own.

I never know what to say exactly when people tell me such things. So I said the only thing that came to mind: Didn’t it ever occur to you to ask your wife if she was taking your pot?

“No!” the cabbie exclaimed. “My wife? I’d never ask her that. My wife is the woman who won’t even let me have the chicken breast — I ain’t about to ask her if she took my stash.”

I didn’t know what to say but it didn’t matter, the cabbie continued his rant.

“My wife she says to me, ‘You got a breast? No! I didn’t think so. If you ain’t got no breast, you can’t have no breast.’ So I get the chicken leg. That’s all. The chicken leg.”

I thought about that later when talking to another about some serious life disappointments. Things we have all been praying ardently for. Things that God himself says are good, so we know we aren’t praying in discord with his will.

Honestly, it feels like God is taking the fork and jabbing our hands and saying, “NO! You can’t have that!”

It smarts.

It makes me withdraw.

It makes me settle for less than.

It makes me wish I never wanted more.

It makes me think that it is better to despair than to suffer the jabbing pain of hope.

You ever feel like that when you pray?

 

 

About Karen Spears Zacharias

Author. Speaker. Journalism Instructor. Four kids. Three dogs. One grandson.

  • TimThurman

    Almost every day! But I try to hold on to the promise in Psalm 84:11:
    “For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor;
    no good thing does he withhold
    from those whose walk is blameless.”

    No, I am not blameless, but God sees me that way through Jesus Christ. So, I fight to believe that our God does not withhold any good thing from us. Not always easy to believe though…

    • http://twitter.com/karenzach Karen Zacharias

      That’s a good promise to hang on to, Tim. But, no, not always easy to believe…

  • Rachel

    Felt that way as a caregiver so many times. Especially when I needed to choose between my mother and my children. Felt that way on Monday, May 20 when my mother died while on my watch. Something I’d prayed against for many years. I wanted to sing her to heaven. I don’t do well with dead bodies, not even my mother’s. I had to wake up my dad and tell him she was gone. Her eyes were open. I couldn’t close them. Was really not happy about this. I don’t know why I had to experience this. Maybe one day I will know. Another couple hours and my sisters would have been there with me to sing her to heaven. She just couldn’t wait, I guess. But, yeah, it just felt all wrong to me.
    Even so, it is better to live with the jab of hope than to live in the slough of despair.

    • http://twitter.com/karenzach Karen Zacharias

      Rachel: I hate this for you, in all kinds of ways. I suspect you are right about it being better to live with the jab of hope … Hope isn’t all glory, though. It’s a great deal of work and what appears as foolishness. Hugs to you and your family.

    • Sandy Anderson

      Rachel, so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will hold you in His arms. I know that it is hard yet now you can actually help others through losing a parent. When some of us loose parents we go extreme, we may do dope, or drink, or act out in many ways because we think no one is there or will understand. Often times we wait to cry out to God because we are somehow angry that He allowed this. Now, you can offer hope to people. Also, you can look at your moms eyes open as she was looking towards heaven waiting to see her King. Father, Please touch Rachel and her family as they deal with this loss of a loved one. When we have been caregivers for a family member it is often so much different than when we may have worked as a caregiver. Lord, help Rachel to climb into Your never tiring arms and just cry out to You with all the hurt she feels. Help her to REST in Your perfect peace Dear Saviour, These things I ask in the name of Jesus Amen… Be blessed my friend. And may He help you in your time of distress.

  • Jolina

    “The jabbing pain of hope.” Love that. I guess we just have to be like the widow woman who beseeched the king until he granted her request.

  • lrowell

    This is why I love the word “trust” rather than “faith”. Faith gets disappointed. Trust just holds on tighter, even when it seems like circumstances, despair and pain are trying to rip my hand out of God’s hand. I remember years ago when my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, the ONLY thing that comforted me – more than church visits and meals and well-intended words – was God saying, “Leslie, can you trust Me, even when you don’t understand?” That has gotten me through a lot in my life. Hope it helps you, dear Karen!

  • Sandy Anderson

    If God says that He will not give us anything bad why do we feel like we are settling for something less than? I am not quite sure I believe that at all. While God may chasten me and cause me to rethink things isn’t it out of love for me that He is doing this? I kind of think that God does not jab us unless we refuse when He wants our attention.
    I also think that when I pray for God I have to realize that sometimes He answers much later than I want. I mean look how long He made Abraham and Sarah wait for a child. I think that in all the ways that God may move my impatience in His moving is the thing that keeps me thinking poorly. I live in a world of instantaneous results and high speed capacity and God doesn’t work that way.
    When I pray for things to happen it may not be timing that is in the way it may in fact be me that is in the way.


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